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Luseda

Luseda

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I have to admit I had some apprehension when I first went to visit my girlfriend's house. It looked older than time itself, nestled in the shadow of a massive mountain. Crystal and I wound our way up the path, hand in hand, through the ruins and shells of houses past. I spotted a tortoiseshell cat, trailing our every step, watching our every movement, while trying her best to stay hidden behind the ruins. All it needed was a murder of crows and a lightening storm.
"Don't worry," Crystal tried to console me, "You probably won't see much of my dad anyway."

We entered the massive portal, into the permeating shadows of the rest of the house. I began to wonder why Crystal's dad had a vendetta against efficient lighting. At the end of the entry hall sat a gigantic, empty throne. The cat, seemingly out of nowhere, sprinted in front of us to sit on it. It was an impressive effort she made, to be sure. I swear she never took her eyes off us at any point during that motion.
"Daddy!" Crystal cried, "Johnny's here to meet you!"

There was no answer, just an empty silence. Then, I heard calm footsteps approaching. In came a red-headed man, with a cell phone firmly pressed up to his ear. He smiled when he saw me.
"A guest?" he asked eagerly.
"Johnny, this is my babysitter, Azzanadra" Crystal introduced, "Azzanadra, this is my boyfriend, Johnny. He's here to meet daddy."
"Here to meet Zaros? What a lucky guy. I haven't seen him around, though" he mused.
"Could you please fish him out for me?" Crystal requested.
"I can certainly try!" Azzanadra replied, almost too eagerly.
He pulled out his cell phone, and began to dial as he strode out of the room.

02-Jan-2014 19:53:39

Luseda

Luseda

Posts: 2,059 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"Strange babysitter you've got there..." I noted.
"A little weird, but he's OK, really," Crystal assured, "The last lady I had nearly set the house on fire, three times, before she quit to join the military. She also had this creepy crush on dad."
"Wow. You'd think your dad would know better than to hire a total pyro," I joked.
Crystal just glared.

Apologizing, I took a step back to the wall. There, I heard something very strange.
"Was that breathing?" I thought, looking for a source. I twisted around, knocking my elbow onto the wall.
"Ouch!" I exclaimed, having nearly missed my funny bone.
Then, there was a knock to match mine, followed by a series of rapidly retreating footsteps. Spooked, I edged closer to my girlfriend, but I bit my tongue. She couldn't think I was some scaredy-cat. It was probably a servant or something.

We retreated to the study, where there was a really good computer. It was certainly better than my dinosaur of a desktop back home. Still, I couldn't fathom why the screen needed to be so dim. Crystal seemed to be used to it, at least. For at least an hour, we sat together and played games. Every so often, over the sound of laser guns hitting zombies, I would hear noises coming from a side room- footsteps, shuffling, the occasional bang. With these, I grew increasingly scared. Finally, upon hearing a phone go off, I'd had enough.

"Is your house haunted?" I confronted Crystal, "There's some really weird stuff going on!"
"Don't be stupid, Johnny, everyone knows ghosts don't exist," Crystal scolded.
We went back and forth about the existence of ghosts. Meanwhile, Azzanadra walked in, with a characteristic smile that diminished somewhat when he saw we were arguing.
"Azzanadra! Put some sense into him! Tell him ghosts don't exist!" Crystal implored.
"But that would be a lie," he explained, "I talk to them all the time on the phone. They curse people I don't like."
Crystal groaned in frustration.

02-Jan-2014 20:01:36

Luseda

Luseda

Posts: 2,059 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Azzanadra retreated towards the side room and opened the door. Regaining a cheery appearance, he announced,
"Here's Johnny!"

A tall, well-dressed man in a purple (though somewhat dusty) suit stepped out of the shadows of the side room with a regal gait.

"Nice to meet you, Johnny. You would be the boy who is dating my daughter. Am I correct? Of course I am. I've been watching you this whole time," he introduced himself. This did not change the fact that I was thoroughly done. I left the house, running, not really caring where I was going. This turned out to be a bad moved. I tripped over the creepy cat, nearly impaling myself on a lawn ornament.
"Goodbye Crystal!" I yelled, "Goodbye to you and your insane life!"

Zaros put his hands on his daughter's shoulder
"Don't worry about him," he consoled, "It obviously wasn't your fate to be with him."

02-Jan-2014 20:04:42

Baxtorian
Jul Member 2009

Baxtorian

Posts: 6,314 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Original message details are unavailable.
Original message details are unavailable.
"No! Another life lost to that vile Zaros!" cried Brassica. He rolled forward as quickly

as his leafy body would allow. Zaros looked up at Zamorak, the color leaving his

general's face. He stepped back to admire his handiwork, and the heel of his boot

landed right on Brassica. The Empty Lord tripped over the brave cabbage and fell

backwards, Zamorak still in his grasp..

Oh god yes. 11/10, best headcanon I've ever read.

I demand this be put on post 1!

02-Jan-2014 20:55:11

Lego Miester
Nov Member 2023

Lego Miester

Posts: 35,339 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Baxtorian said :

I demand this be put on post 1!

While I'd hate to show too much favoritism, that is a good idea. Check out the new suggested read section!

Cybernet377 said :
“Walking with the stance and expression that you want to impale the person you’re walking towards wouldn’t even be acceptable if they were into that sort of thing.”

And the "Best out of context quote of 2014" award goes to... Headcanon Haven, where everything is made up and the points don't matter.
OSRS Lore: Xeric
Slepe Tight - Slepe Lore

03-Jan-2014 02:40:53 - Last edited on 03-Jan-2014 03:32:16 by Lego Miester

Half Centaur
Jun Member 2010

Half Centaur

Posts: 6,959 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Lego Miester said :
[

Cybernet377 said :
“Walking with the stance and expression that you want to impale the person you’re walking towards wouldn’t even be acceptable if they were into that sort of thing.”

And the "Best out of context quote of 2014" award goes to...

2013*

Its still amazing in context.

Thanks for the first page spotlight by the way. :D "We call it being a hero"
"That's interesting, we call it utter stupidity"

07-Jan-2014 23:46:54

Velia
Jan Member 2020

Velia

Posts: 2,836 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Bump.

Random thing of funny:
I decided to name one of my ships "Sliske", this has resulted in some hilarious port updates (especially if you cut out some parts):

-" The captain of Sliske is paranoid that someone is stealing his hat while he sleeps"

-" The crew of Sliske wanted to know how many sailors would fit in the crow's nest at once. The experiment ended badly."

-" Your ship Sliske almost sails off the edge of the world, then remembers Gielinor is a globe."

09-Jan-2014 18:55:31

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