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RoninOctopus

RoninOctopus

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A Splitting Headache

When it comes to managing the Empire, who would you say has the heaviest burden?

Is it the Legatus Maximus who leads our armies to the far corners of Gelinor, bringing order and law to those outside our borders?

Is it perhaps the Pontifex Maximus who heads the church that stands as a beacon of stability to the citizens and safeguards the faithful against the whispers of heresy?

Or is the Praefectus Praetorio who sniffs out secrets and deceit, revealing the treachery of those who would stand against our Lord?

No.

The real burden lies upon I, head warden of the Senntisten asylum although in these dark times I think warden is a more apt term.

Yes, Zamorak may wade through rivers of blood to bring glory to the Empire.

Certainly Azzanadra may be the mouthpiece of our absentee Lord.

Perhaps Sliske does manage to do something useful every once in a while, in those rare times he isn't dabbling in some new macabre fancy.

But at the end of the week, who do these illustrious beings turn to unburden their woes? It is none other than I, Dr. Nabor.

[1/4] Your friendly, neighborhood anthropologist

22-Feb-2021 22:28:00

RoninOctopus

RoninOctopus

Posts: 55 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Zamorak

I was relieved when Zaros assigned me to the post of warden of the Senntisten asylum. Unlike Zemouregal or Hazeel, I do not particularly care for the bloodlust of open combat. My preferred battlefield is the mind where I root out those dark secrets that haunt us all, be they the loftiest Cthonian duke to the lowliest human.

Yet of all my patients, it is my fellow Mahjarrat who make for the most fascinating of specimens.

Take the Praetorius Legatus, for example. Like the more militant of my kind, Zamorak possesses a temper that could make the volcanic hellscape of home seem temperate. These days he often finds himself in my office, often complaining about the lethargy sweeping over the Empire. He claims the Mahjarrat have grown complacent and decadent these past centuries. The fact that Zaros seldom engages in military conquest personally, preferring to give marching orders from the shadows, only adds to the Praetorius Legatus frustrations.

On the rare occasions I broach the subject of Zaros, I must do so delicately. During his last outburst Zamorak wound up destroying the mahogany desk that I had imported from Karamja at considerable expense.

I seem to have made some headway in our recent session however. When discussing his frustrations of the military’s mundanity I broached the subject of taking up a hobby.

“Why not consider gardening?” I suggested. “Many of my patients find it a way to relax and unwind. Growing cabbages is a great way to get started.”

He stared at me with a baleful glance, muttering incomprehensible nonsense about how the cabbage have eyes. I quietly jotted down potential Lachanophobia on my notepad.

“At the very least consider setting yourself a goal?” I carefully continued, not wanting to buy a new desk. “Something that can really challenge you to reach new heights?”

He gave me a long look then flashed a wide smile. “You know what? I think you might have a point, Dr. Nabor. Thanks for setting me straight.”

"Happy to help." Your friendly, neighborhood anthropologist

22-Feb-2021 22:28:48

RoninOctopus

RoninOctopus

Posts: 55 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Sliske

Another of my more troublesome patients is the Praefectus Praetorio, Sliske. Oh, what I would give for a glimpse behind that mask of his.

The Mahjarrat switches between moods like Cthonian duke switches between dinner courses. At one moment Sliske will be engaging in incessant banter about his latest project, the next second he’ll be vindictively lamenting his colleague’s lack of imagination and good humor, only to switch right back to a manic obsession.

It is never a dull moment with Sliske. My staff are still dealing with the fallout of the ‘Gustaf incident’.



If it weren’t for his lofty position within the Empire I would love nothing more than to confine Sliske to a padded cell and throw away the key. On second thought maybe it would best to keep him as far away as possible? I fear his madness might catch on to the other patients.

---


Azzanadra

If there is one patient who I particularly loathe, it is Azzanadra. While Zamorak irritability might destroy my furniture and Sliske’s mood swings give me incessant headaches, it is the Pontifex Maximus’ obsessions that threaten my sanity the most.

Every session, without fail, focuses on the same thing: Zaros. More particularly, his constant fears of disappointing his master. Did he enact his commands perfectly, or was his performance lacking? Did Zaros approve of his new ecclesiastical vestments?



While I understand that being the mouthpiece of a god can be a taxing experience, having to listen to this incessant blather is driving me to the edge of sanity.

I fear my mask of professionalism is starting to slip. If I have to listen to one more tirade about whether Zaros approves the new mitres I might well tell my patient just where in Infernus he can stick his concerns.... Your friendly, neighborhood anthropologist

22-Feb-2021 22:29:54

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