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Dragons of Surdaus
Quick find code: 49-50-979-51303065
Hi Arthas,
I wanted to let you know that I've been looking at this story, and I've found it quite the conundrum. I'm very torn; it's obviously a good piece. I've read through two chapters thusfar, and by that time I can almost always tell whether or not a story belongs in the Library. (If it's good enough, of course, I continue reading, for Wizzy's sake.
)
I haven't much time, so I'll put you on the waiting list. Expect a vigorous review.
Some notes:
In your first few chapters, you seem to try to lure your readers in. That's great, and you do fairly well at it. However, when I read this, I don't necessarily want to read on through chapter three. It's not that I'd feel it would be a burden, but I'm just not completely drawn in. Why? The prologue, as well as chapters one through two, are very repetitive. There seems to be very little of note, besides his dream of the specter, which could be made much clearer. I know it's a dream, but if you want to lure people into the plot early on, clarity works just as well as obscurity.
Feel free to edit out the tildes (~), as they're getting annoying. >_< But that won't effect my decision one way or another, as it'd be a low blow.
Also, don't capitalize "Green Dragon" or "Human" - write it as prose, not as the Game Guide.
I'll read more later, or have someone else give you a thorough review. Best of luck!
Wizard1440, Founder and Head of Staff of The Yanillian Library
I wanted to let you know that I've been looking at this story, and I've found it quite the conundrum. I'm very torn; it's obviously a good piece. I've read through two chapters thusfar, and by that time I can almost always tell whether or not a story belongs in the Library. (If it's good enough, of course, I continue reading, for Wizzy's sake.
)
I haven't much time, so I'll put you on the waiting list. Expect a vigorous review.
Some notes:
In your first few chapters, you seem to try to lure your readers in. That's great, and you do fairly well at it. However, when I read this, I don't necessarily want to read on through chapter three. It's not that I'd feel it would be a burden, but I'm just not completely drawn in. Why? The prologue, as well as chapters one through two, are very repetitive. There seems to be very little of note, besides his dream of the specter, which could be made much clearer. I know it's a dream, but if you want to lure people into the plot early on, clarity works just as well as obscurity.
Feel free to edit out the tildes (~), as they're getting annoying. >_< But that won't effect my decision one way or another, as it'd be a low blow.
Also, don't capitalize "Green Dragon" or "Human" - write it as prose, not as the Game Guide.
I'll read more later, or have someone else give you a thorough review. Best of luck!
Wizard1440, Founder and Head of Staff of The Yanillian Library
01-Mar-2009 16:56:57
The tildes are for thoughts. In every book I've read, I've always had problems separating thoughts from everything else, so I decided to use tildes to separate them.
The dream is purposefully very vague, it's just supposed to show a hint, not explain everything. Or anything, for that matter.
I've been working on rewriting the first few chapters for a while now, so that's already in the works.
EDIT: I look forward to the rest of the review
The dream is purposefully very vague, it's just supposed to show a hint, not explain everything. Or anything, for that matter.
I've been working on rewriting the first few chapters for a while now, so that's already in the works.
EDIT: I look forward to the rest of the review
01-Mar-2009 21:18:14 - Last edited on 06-Mar-2009 00:28:00 by xxDkreignxx
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