RuneScape Forum Archive | The Trial of Yelps

Darelzel

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Chapter 4: My testimony

I was abruptly teleported from the audience and on to the witness stand. I had seen this happen to other witnesses during the Court Cases, but I had never been on the receiving end until now.

"The witness will now testify about her experiences with the defendant." the prosecutor stated.

"Hmm..." I said. "Where do I begin?"

"At the beginning, I'd suggest." the prosecutor replied.

"I suppose that would be good." I replied. "I can't remember right now when Yelps and his ... ahem, 'Squeal' first showed up. I guess I can look it up later. But it's a relatively recent thing, only showing up a few Gielinor months ago. After the Wizards' Tower Christmas party that I was invited to."

"And what were your feelings about it at the time?" the prosecutor asked.

"It was ... jarring." I replied. "I've been in the land of Gielinor for what seems like years now, but I've never seen anything like Yelps or his wheel before. Also, the way his image just appears, hovering before us and begging us to spin was very distracting. We never had such things before. Why did we have to have them now?"

"Can you describe what it is that made it so ... jarring?" the prosecutor replied.

"It's just ... Yelps looks like a cartoon. He looks like he came from some other game..."

The judge banged his gavel. "The witness will refrain from breaking the fourth wall!"

"Sorry." I said. "Anyway, he looks like he comes from some other world whose appearance and logic is different from Gielinor's. I don't think he's even from Gielinor, or any of the worlds associated with it. And that image of his hovering over us is just so annoying. We can dismiss him without playing his game, but he'll be back as soon as we log... as soon as we get distracted with other things and try to focus on our activities again."

28-Jul-2012 02:13:23 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 19:35:29 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

" He doesn't seem to belong in this world at all, but he gets in everyone's faces until they spin that wheel."

"Now, let's move on to the game itself. What are your feelings toward it?" the prosecutor asked.

"At first, I didn't know what to make of it." I said. "All of a sudden, after years of having to work for all these pieces of armour, here he was offering a chance to win them for a spin or two on his wheel. Along with 5000 gold pieces, skill experience lamps, and other items. Of course he also put in plenty of lower-valued items, such as yew logs and lower denominations of coins."

"The prosecution is right when he says that there was a 50 coin prize on the wheel at first. Often there were two 50 coin prizes at once, with something a LOT more valuable sandwiched in between. And most of the time, people would land on that 50-coin prize. I should know, as it happened to me a LOT. It was really annoying, and we can at least be thankful Yelps was pressured into taking THAT off of his wheel."

"So would you say the game was rigged?" the prosecutor asked.

"To be honest, I don't know." I replied. "But I suspected it was. Some of the wheel's movements seemed very suspicious, if you ask me."

"Anyway, because of all this, I decided only to spin when I felt like it." I continued. "The game, I decided at the time, was annoying but mostly harmless. I decided 'Let that silly little creature tease us with lucky armour that we can't really win. As long as very few people actually win those things, it's not unbalancing the ga... excuse me, it's not unbalancing the world'. But some time later, my feelings changed."

28-Jul-2012 02:13:37 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 19:38:45 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

"And what made your feelings change?" the prosecutor asked.

"I think almost everyone here can guess what it is, but I'll say it." I said. "It was when Yelps started selling extra spins. Before, all his spins were free, and if you didn't win anything big, there was no problem. But now that people were paying real money for spins, the game became full-fledged gambling! Yes, I said it: GAMBLING! Yelps is taking people's money in an attempt to get rich off of people's desires for instant gratification!"

I glared angrily at Yelps for a moment, before addressing everyone. "For years now I've done my duty for this land! I've taken time out from questing or skilling or other activities to alert the authorites about people trying to scam or exploit adventurers. And Yelps is no better than those people! When he started selling spins, he crossed a line."

I stopped there to take a breath. I didn't expect that I'd get myself this worked up.

The defense attorney then spoke up. "Witness, stop being a hypocrite."

"What?!?" I exclaimed.

"You say you turned against the Squeal of Fortune when my client offered people the opportunity to buy spins. However, you DID spin a few more times afterward." the defense attorney said.

"Yes, but I didn't buy ANY of them." I replied. "I don't believe one should spend any of their hard-earned money on this sort of game of chance."

"But, you DID spin a few times after the buyable spins were introduced." the defense attorney said. "That means you support the Squeal of Fortune. All of it. Including the buyable spins."

(continued next post)

28-Jul-2012 02:13:48 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 19:39:27 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

"That's the biggest load of camel dung I ever heard!" I exclaimed. "You're saying that even though I never bought any spins, I STILL support buyable spins just because I used free spins a few times? What kind of slimy shyster lawyer ARE you? You ..."

"Objection!" the defense attorney shouted. "I motion that the witness refrain from personal attacks on the defense, or else she will be held in contempt of court!"

"Objection sustained." the judge said. "Witness, you may attack the attorneys' arguments all you like, but refrain from getting personal."

"Here, have a glass of water." said one of my clan mates. "It'll help calm you down."
One of the citadel guards took the clan mate's glass of water, and gave it to me. I drank it down quickly, and I had to admit I did feel a bit better.

"My apologies to the court for that outburst." I said. "But regarding the spins, my point remains. I do not endorse buyable spins, I will NEVER endorse buyable spins, and I do not see how my using any of the free spins changes that. For the record, I did hear other people claiming that the best way of protesting against the Squeal of Fortune is to not play it all. So I quit using spins and haven't played in a LONG time."

"Not that Yelps hasn't TRIED to win me back. He's pulled out all sorts of crazy promotions to lure quitters back. And of course, the only way to get him to leave you alone for the rest of the day is to play his game. He does everything short of aim a handcannon at our heads and tell us to spin."

"Does the witness have anything more to add?" the prosecutor asked.

"No, I think I've made my point." I said.

"I have nothing to ask the witness." the defense said.

"The witness is excused." the judge said.

I soon found myself back in my place in the audience. I sighed with relief, and took another sip of water. A few of the adventurers seated next to me briefly applauded me.

My active part in the trial seemingly done, I sat back to see what would happen next.

28-Jul-2012 02:14:10 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 19:55:00 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter 5: Other witnesses

The next witness was no one I knew. It was a ragged man I'd never seen before. He looked completely miserable.

"My name is ... not really important anymore." the man said. "You couldn't spell it right, anyway."

"Tell us about your experience with the defendant and his game of chance." the prosecutor said.

"Once, I was one of the greatest adventurers in Gielinor." the ragged man said. "I could go anywhere, acquire everything. But I still wasn't satisfied. There were still pieces of armour I couldn't get. Where was my Armadyl armour? I tried the Grand Exchange, but no one was selling it at a price I wanted to pay."

"But then Yelps came along, and I thought at first he was just what I needed. I span and span, but never got anything other than a few more coins, a few ores, maybe a gem or two. When he started selling spins, I gladly paid for them. I span and span ... still nothing. I bought more spins ... still never hit the big stuff. So I bought some more..."

"Finally, I won it. A lucky Armadyl godsword. But by then, I had no more money. I had spent all of it on spins. I lost my home, my possessions, everything. I live under a bridge now, and eat out of dumpsters." the ragged man said. "Thanks to that ... creature ... I lost everything that really mattered."

The defense attorney spoke up. "Witness, you blame my client for your misfortune, do you?"

"Of course I do!" the ragged man said. "If it hadn't been for him, I'd still have a roof over my head! I'd have fresh meals, clean clothing... everything!"

"But it was still your choice to buy the spins, was it not?" the defense attorney said.

"It was..." the ragged man said. "But I didn't think it'd be a problem at first. He lured me in, and I took the bait. Before I knew it, I had a gambling problem. I spent and spent hoping to win, but in the end it wasn't worth it."

28-Jul-2012 02:14:24 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 19:58:01 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

"Still, it was your choice to buy spins. You could have earned them other ways, with quests and skills." the defense attorney replied.

"I know. But he kept waving that promotion in my face, and I weakened." the ragged man said. He glared angrily at Yelps.

Suddenly, the ragged man lost control. "Miserable little monster! You don't care how many lives you ruin as long as you get rich! I'll kill you! Die! Die! Die!" He leaped from the witness stand, only to be restrained by the guards and led away.

There was a momentary silence, and I wondered just what was going to happen next. The silence was broken by the prosecutor's next statement.

"The prosecution calls forth Kaqemeex of the Taverley Druids."

At once, Kaqemeex appeared on the witness stand.

"The witness will testify as to the effect the presence of Yelps has on Gielinor." the prosecutor stated.

Kaqemeex began, slowly and calmly. "As most of you are aware of, the druids of Taverley are devoted servants of Guthix. For the past several months, we have discussed this ... Yelps ... and the game of chance he offers. We fear greatly that he is a signifigant threat to the balance of Gielinor. By offering large experience lamps and high-level armour and weapons on his wheel, he threatens to devalue all the other means of obtaining such things. Worse, he offers further spins on his wheel in exchange for the currency of another world, something that was considered inexcusable before he made his appearance."

"Guthix feared that if the world became too unbalanced, it would result in the world's destruction. I submit to the court that unless Yelps is found guilty of his crimes, then we may soon face the end of the world as we know it."

"Objection!" the defense attorney said. "The witness is basing his opinion on his own religious beliefs! He cannot prove any of his claims."

28-Jul-2012 02:14:40 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 20:01:12 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

"Still, one cannot deny that the world has changed since Yelps made his appearance." Kaqemeex continued. "He has sown great chaos, and introduced a number of items into the world that threaten to unbalance the economy."

"Objection!" the defense attorney shouted. "The chances of winning any of those weapons or armour are so small they can't threaten the economy!"

"Is this an admission that the game is rigged?" the prosecutor asked.

"No!" the defense attorney shouted hastily. "You can't prove it's rigged. Furthermore, the armour and weapons are all 'lucky' items that can't be bought or sold."

"But, they DO provide the same benefits as their tradable counterparts, do they not?" the prosecutor asked.

"So what if they do? People would otherwise be risking their lives in the God Wars Dungeon or spending hundreds of thousands of gold coins on them! My client provides an alternative!"

"In exchange for giving people with bigger incomes in otherworld currencies an unfair advantage!" retorted the prosecutor.

There was much shouting, some of it from audience members who lost control and shouted "DOWN WITH YELPS!", before the judge banged his gavel.

"Order! Order in the court!" the judge said. "Now, do either of you have any further questions of the witness?"

"The prosecution has no further questions."

"The defense has no further questions."

I sat there wondering how long the trial would go on. To me, the case against Yelps was obvious. But in the interests of fairness, the judge was going to give the defense a chance to make a good counter-case. As far as I was concerned, the defense had already failed miserably.

(Chapter 6 begins next post)

28-Jul-2012 02:14:56 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 20:02:08 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter 6: The Verdict, and the Confession

I will skip the testimonies of the two adventurers that followed. They were similiar to mine, and the defense had no new arguments.

Finally, both sides rested their cases, and the judge handed the case over to the jury. The jury was composed of an eclectic group. There were Fremmeniks, goblins, Al Kharid residents, a mother of three children, a Taverley druid, and even an ogre.

The judge spoke. "We have heard many testimonies today, from many people who have been affected one way or another. And the case is quite clear. The defendant has been charged with the following crimes:"

"Operating a rigged game of chance."

"Extorting people to play said rigged game of chance, promising that he will not bother them for the rest of the day if they play, but making a nuisance of himself if they do not play."

"Manipulating people into parting with their hard-earned money for more chances to win at his game of chance."

"Encouraging underage gambling, and trading with currency of worlds other than Gielinor."

The judge paused. "Jury, have you reached a verdict?"

The jury spokesman, Lev the Master Chef, spoke up. "We have, Your Honor. We find the defendant, Yelps... Guilty on all counts."

At once, many of the assembled people in the crowd erupted into cheering, which the Judge cut short with his gavel. "Order! Order!"

The judge turned to Yelps. "Has the accused anything to say before I pass sentence?"

Yelps looked completely pitiful for a moment. "Please, have mercy on me! I was only trying to help everyone! Extra spins for the win! All I wanted was to make people's lives a little easier..."

There were boos from the crowd.

"Easier?" the judge said. "The jury has decided otherwise, based on the testimonies we have heard today. All you have done is cause grief or frustration..."

(continued next post)

28-Jul-2012 02:15:09 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 20:02:42 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Yelps looked at the judge pleadingly for a moment. The Judge remained still and emotionless. Yelps then looked at the crowd, who proceeded to boo him.

Finally, his expression changed, to something I had NEVER seen from Yelps before. The carnival huckster runt goblin now was glaring angrily at everyone.

"You fools! You idiots! Spitting on a free lunch like this! You'll pay! All of you will pay!"

"Free?!?" shouted people from the crowd. "What a load of..."

"Hah!" Yelps said, with a snarl. "You don't understand! None of you understand! None of you have the Insight to embark on a profitable Venture like me and my Partners embark upon! You're all so wrapped up in your skilling and your questing and your PVP and PVM and whatever that you don't know what your world is REALLY good for!"

Yelps then gave a very unsettling smile. "What's your world good for? Money, of course! It's all part of our master plan! My masters have sent me as part of their plan to change this useless, failed cliche fantasy world into something that will make them rich! Soon, all that's left of this world will be MONEY! Glorious, beautiful MONEY, MONEY, MONEY! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Yelps continued laughing like a madman for some time as the crowd observed. Granted, many of us had suspected his real motives for some time, but to see him admit it in this fashion was unsettling.

The judge banged his gavel. "Order! Order in the court!"

Yelps was restrained by the guards, as the judge prepared his next speech.

"The defendant, Yelps, has been found guilty on all charges. It is clear now that his influence has done great harm to the land of Gielinor. However, if we take a stand now, it is possible that the wounds will heal in time, and no further damage will occur."

(continued next post)

28-Jul-2012 02:15:24 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 20:03:08 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

The judge continued. "Though I believe in tempering justice with mercy, in this case, I have no alternative but to hand down the sentence sought by the council." And with that, the judge produced a black cap.

I knew right away what the sentence was going to be, based on what I had heard about the black cap custom. But I awaited the Judge's words anyway.

"This court sentences Yelps to death. The method of execution will be chosen by the council shortly, and the execution will take place two days from now at a location of the council's choosing. This court is adjourned."

As the judge banged his gavel, cheers erupted from the crowd. "DOWN WITH YELPS! DOWN WITH YELPS!" some shouted. "HANG YELPS! HANG YELPS!" "DEATH TO YELPS! DEATH TO YELPS!"

Yelps was led away by the guards, shrieking and, well, yelping. I, meanwhile, was trying to find someone to talk to amidst all the confusion.

Ozan shook his head saying "I knew it would happen. Wonder if he'll pay me back the money he owes me before he goes."

I decided not to ask. In any case, the crowd was dispersing. Some were leaving the Tutorial Clan's Citadel, while others had decided to stay around for a little while and chat.

Yelps had been sentenced. In two days, we would discover his final fate.

(Chapter 7 to begin next post)

28-Jul-2012 02:15:38 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 20:03:36 by Darelzel

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The Trial of Yelps