RuneScape Forum Archive | The Trial of Yelps

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

This is the story of the trial of one of the most controversial characters ever to appear within RuneScape. This story is done for entertainment and for satirical purposes.

Please note that as of this writing, the events of this story have not happened ... yet . Should that change, this portion of the disclaimer will be revised accordingly.

EDIT: As of this edit, Yelps and the SOF are soon going to be replaced by Treasure Hunter. What does this mean for Yelps? It may mean that new revisions to this story may occur in the near future, to reflect recent developments. Stay tuned!

CURRENT STATUS: Now complete!

Chapters:

Chapter 1: Announcement (page 1)
Chapter 2: The trial begins (page 1)
Chapter 3: The first testimony (page 1)
Chapter 4: The second testimony (page 2)
Chapter 5: More Testimonies (page 2)
Chapter 6: The Verdict (page 2)
Chapter 7: Preparations (Page 3)
Chapter 8: The Scene
Chapter 9: The Method
Chapter 10: The Last Two Phases (Page 4)
Epilogue: Aftermath

28-Jul-2012 02:10:18 - Last edited on 20-Jan-2014 23:00:49 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter One: Announcement

It was another typical day in Gielinor. I had just had a particularly busy one, as I had started the day by chasing penguins. And then I had participated in a skilling event with my clan. After all this, I went to my house portal in Rimmington to ponder what I wanted to do next.

Perhaps another quest would be good, I thought. However, the previous quest I had finished a few days ago was quite an intense one. In the end, good triumphed over evil, but only barely. I wanted to take some time off from questing before I went off on another adventure.

"Let's see. I've done penguins and the circus for this week, I've mined a Crashed Star and cut down an Evil Tree ... what's left?"

It then occured to me that there was one so-called 'Distraction and Diversion' that I had not done today but I hadn't thought of. And that was the so-called 'Squeal of Fortune'. Even as I thought of it, the name made me wince.

The Squeal of Fortune was a game hosted by a small creature called Yelps. Yelps was this small green creature with big ears who vaguely resembled a goblin, but he was unlike any goblin I'd ever seen. He'd dress like some carnival huckster and invite people to spin this huge wheel. Yelps would pull a lever. When someone pressed the 'stop' button, a glove would punch him and he'd be sent flying.

It appeared to be harmless, cartoonish slapstick that Yelps did not mind. When someone stopped, the spinner would land on a prize. The prize could be anything from one set of yew logs to 'lucky' Armadyl armour. But people rarely actually managed to win the big prize. Some thought the wheel was rigged.

However, Yelps was extremely aggressive in the way he promoted his game of chance. Instead of settling in one location, or moving from one location to another every week like the circus, Yelps would instead appear near everyone on this bubble that floated next to them, enticing them to spin with all sorts of indecipherable .. yelps, I suppose.

28-Jul-2012 02:10:40 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 18:59:59 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

If one accepted his offer, he'd briefly send them to his 'Squeal' location so they could use up their alloted spins before returning to where they were. Then he would go away for the rest of the day. If, however, one told him to go away, he would -- but he'd be back if one let their attention wander to other things for too long.

However, now that I thought about it, I hadn't seen Yelps or his aggressive marketing all day. To be honest, I couldn't say that I had missed him. When one comes on too strong with the way they market ANYTHING, be it the product they're selling or the game of chance they're promoting, then people are likely to be annoyed.

"I suppose I'll find out what happened some time later." I thought to myself. And with that, I was prepared to turn my attention to other things, when suddenly I heard a voice behind me.

"The trial's beginning! The trial's beginning!"

I turned to to see Ozan, the boastful ranger of the Signature Heroes Club. Ozan was someone I had only met fairly recently, but clearly he'd been following my adventures for some time. In addition to having adventures of his own with Sir Owen and Ariane, he loved to tell stories at nearly all of Gielinor's pubs in exchange for coins. On a number of occassions, he thanked me for giving him some good stories to tell that he didn't even have to exaggerate.

Still, I usually saw him at the Guilds or at the pubs, or where mercenary adventurers gathered. What was he doing here?

"Trial?" I asked. "What trial is it?"

"They arrested Yelps!" Ozan said. "The council decided a few days ago to investigate his game, and they've shut it down! Now Yelps is going to stand trial for cheating adventurers out of their money!"

"Slow down!" I told him. "When and where is this trial going to take place? The Seer's Village Courthouse?"

28-Jul-2012 02:11:00 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 19:03:14 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

"No, the Seer's Village Courthouse is too small." Ozan said. "A LOT of people wanted to see this trial. They've been petitioning the council to do something about Yelps for months, and no one wanted to be left out. So they're holding it at the Tutorial Clan Citadel."

"The Tutorial Clan Citadel?" I asked.

"It's the clan for the various tutors of the land. You came to Gielinor by way of Tutorial Island, right?" Ozan asked.

"Yes. I kind of miss the place. It was nice and peaceful, and I wish I could see those people again. I've seen Vannaka again, but I'd like to know how the others are doing." I replied.

"Well, all of those people are members of the Tutorial Clan. Brynna the survival expert, Lev the Master Chef, Dezzick the miner, Brother Brace the Cleric, and its leader Terrova the wizard. The Lumbridge training instructors are also members. Oh, and the new tutors who came to Burthorpe and Taverley ... Ayleth Beaststalker, Jacquelyn Manslaughter, Ruth Savage ... they're all members too."

"Wow. I never knew." I said. "But why are they hosting Yelps' trial in their citadel?"

"They figured that if the Grim Reaper and his friends from the Horsemen could open their Clan Citadel for visitors during Deathcon, they might as well open theirs as well and host an event. Phileas the Lumbridge Guide suggested this to the council, and the Duke of Lumbridge and most of the others agreed."

"So, how do we get there? Do we use the Clan Camp portal?" I asked.

"No, the rest of the Signature Heroes and myself just hand out these teleport tablets. We give them to all the adventurers we know."

With that, Ozan handed me a teleport tablet. I broke the tablet, and found myself teleporting away.

28-Jul-2012 02:11:18 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 19:09:45 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter Two: The Trial Begins

I found myself at the entrance to a Clan Citadel, in the midst of a huge crowd. Even at Deathcon II on its opening day, I had never seen a crowd this huge at a Clan Citadel before. Surrounding me were other adventurers, workers, citizens, dwarves, goblins, fairies, gnomes, and even elves.

There was so much chatter I couldn't get a word in edgewise. It was like being at the Grand Exchange during one of its busier times. I wanted to say hello to friends and fellow clan members that I recognized in the crowd, but I don't think most of them heard me amidst all the talking and crowd noise. A few did say "Hi!" but that was about it.

So all of us were gathered in the space between the Citadel portal and the entrance to the Citadel proper. "It won't be long now before they open the citadel proper." Ozan explained.

Ariane the sorceress was nearby. "Almost everyone's here. Once everyone who's been invited has arrived, the trial will be officially underway."

It was then that Terrova the wizard appeared at the entrance. "The trial is about to start. Everyone may proceed in an orderly fashion."

At this point, the citadel guards parted, and began to lead the crowd into the citadel. I followed, as did Ozan, Ariane, and a number of my friends and clan mates. We soon found ourselves at the outside meeting area. The fountain was gone, replaced by a jury box with a few smaller fountains nearby. Between the jury box and the podium were a number of benches and chairs, and a witness stand.

Several benches and chairs had been placed around the area, providing much seating. Behind the jury box were some raised arena-stype benches.

28-Jul-2012 02:11:37 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 19:13:07 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

As I gazed among the gathered, I saw what appeared to be a who's who of Gielinor. I saw Thok, the Master of Daemonheim. I saw the goblin generals Bentnoze and Wartface, Sir Amik Varze, Pirate Pete, Duke Horacio of Lumbridge, the Wise Old Man, Linza the smith, that mysterious huge armored warrior known only as The Raptor, the wizards Sedridor and Distentor, Chieftain Brundt of the Fremmenik, Chief Tess of Oo'Glog, Osman the Al Kharid spymaster, and the witches Aggie, Maggie, Hetty, and Betty. I even saw King Roald of Misthalin with Queen Ellamaria, and the gnome king Narnode Shareen.

Not to mention a number of goblins, gnomes, fairies, trolls, and elves.

There was still quite a commotion before the judge from the Seer's Courthouse appeared at the podium. He banged his gavel to indicate silence from the crowd.

"Court is now in session for the trial of Yelps. Are the defense and prosecution ready?"

The defense is ready." said a strange man who had an unsettling resemblance to someone I'd seen in the Thieves' Guild.

"The prosecution is ready." said the prosecutor I had seen at the Seer's Village Courthouse.

The prosecutor began. "The defendant, known only as Yelps..."

"Objection!" shouted someone in the crowd. "He's got other names. Like..."

The judge banged his gavel just as the person was about to say something nasty. "Order in the court! The spectators will refrain from interrupting the attorneys, or they will be held in contempt."

The prosecutor continued. "I stand corrected. The defendant, known by many names most of them unflattering to him, but officially known only as Yelps, has been running his game of chance for several months now Gielinor time."

28-Jul-2012 02:11:59 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 19:14:24 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

"The game, which he refers to as the 'Squeal of Fortune' for some reason known only to himself, is one where players are given a limited amount of spins each day which they can use in the hopes of winning something valuable. Through his aggressive tactics, he has persuaded several people to part with their hard-earned money in exchange for extra chances to spin his wheel each day."

The prosecutor went on. "The defendant is accused of running an illegal gambling operation, of extortion, and of thievery."

At this, the guards led Yelps to a chair near the defense attorney's bench. Yelps was in chains, and dressed in prison greys. He looked even thinner than normal, and completely miserable.

The Judge spoke. "We have heard the charges. Defense, how do you plead?"

"Extra spins for the win!" Yelps shouted. The judge then banged his gavel to silence Yelps.

"The defense pleads Not Guilty, Your Honor." the Thief at the defense bench said.

The prosecutor shook his head. "You will most certainly regret that. It is now time for the prosecution to call its first witness ... or in this case witnesses."

"The prosecution calls the goblin generals Wartface and Bentnoze to the stand."

Chapter 3: The Goblin Generals' Testimony

The goblin generals Bentnoze and Wartface appeared on the stand.

"Bentnoze will go first!" Bentnoze shouted.

"No, Wartface go first!" Wartface countered.

The judge banged his gavel. "Order! Each of you will describe your previous experiences with the defendant. It is determined that General Bentnoze will go first."

Bentnoze spoke. "Yelps little runt goblin, even shorter than Grubfoot. Bentnoze not know where he come from. One day he come to Goblin Village. He say we win armor or big money if we spin wheel."

28-Jul-2012 02:12:19 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 19:20:04 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Wartface spoke up. "He giving away armor from Big High War God! Armor only given to those who fight for glory of Big High War God!"

"Yelps too scrawny to fight!" Bentnoze added. "Armor must have been stolen!"

"Objection!" shouted the shady defense attorney. "The witness is accusing my client of stealing based on conjecture!"

"Really?" Bentnoze asked. "If you so smart, you tell me where Yelps got armor!"

"Simple." the defense attorney said. "Bandos armor, though it may come from certain areas where the armies of the 'Big High War God' gather, can be sold on the Grand Exchange. Is this correct?"

The Judge nodded, as did the prosecutor, and most of the crowd.

"My client gives away things worth hundreds of thousands of coins. Surely he has a large amount of money that he can afford to give some away in his game." the defense attorney replied. "He could have easily bought the armor on the Grand Exchange."

The prosecutor countered. "Of course, he could have obtained that wealth through selling stolen property. Perhaps all the prizes on the wheel are stolen goods."

The defense attorney glared at the prosecutor. "You can't prove that!"

The prosecutor countered. "You can't prove that he purchased it all legitimately, either."

The Judge intervened. "This is getting us nowhere. Witnesses, can you tell us any more about your experiences with the defendant?"

"Yelps entice many goblins from village into spinning wheel." Bentnoze said.

"But none win Big High War God armour. He trick them." Wartface added.

"He ... tricked them?" the prosecutor asked.

28-Jul-2012 02:12:38 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 19:24:30 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

"Yeah. When wheel look ready to stop on armour, it move again to stupid logs or 500 coins." Bentnoze said.

"It was 50 coins!" Wartface shouted.

"500!" Bentnoze said.

"50!" Wartface replied.

The prosecutor interrupted. "Wait. Just when did all of this occur?"

Both goblin generals paused for a moment. "Many many Gielinor months ago." Wartface said.

"Back before trolls and armoured humans make all that noise south of village." Bentnoze added.

"I see." said the prosecutor. "It is well documented that when the 'Squeal of Fortune' began, one of the most often-won prizes was a mere 50 coins. Enough people complained about this that the '50 coin' prize was removed from the wheel and replaced with something more valuable."

"If Yelps was in your village during that time, before the mercenary adventurers set up camp north of Falador, then this is before he became known to the majority of adventurers." the prosecutor continued. "So therefore, it is possible that the '50 coins' were on the wheel at the time. It's also possible, logically, that 500 coins were on the wheel as well, meaning that both of the goblin generals are correct."

As someone who'd been involved in several of the goblin generals' arguments myself, I found myself impressed by the prosecutor's logic. "It makes sense." I said softly to Ariane and Ozan, who sat next to me.

The goblin generals paused for a while. "Human right." Wartface said.

"Yeah." Bentnoze added. "Anyway, goblins get tired of Yelps cheating at rigged game. We kick him out of village."

"The prosecution has no further questions, your Honor." the prosecutor said.

"The defense has no further questions." the defense attorney said.

"Witnesses, you are excused." the judge said. And with that, the goblin generals left the witness stand.

28-Jul-2012 02:12:53 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 19:30:11 by Darelzel

Darelzel

Posts: 3,587 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

I sat in the audience, wondering who they would call to the stand next.

I was very surprised when the prosecutor called my name.

(continued next note)

Author's note: The next part of the trial is on the next page.

As of this edit, it's still a short walk or run from Rimmington to the Clan Camp. But I had the main character use a teleport tablet to get to the Tutorial Clan Citadel anyway. I'd like everyone to know that I don't usually teleport from, say, Rimmington to Port Sarim unless I'm really in a hurry.

As far as I can tell, teleport tablets for teleporting directly to a Clan Citadel haven't been introduced into the game yet. But I suppose it doesn't matter, since the Tutorial Clan Citadel is an NPCs' Clan Citadel similiar to the Clan Citadel for the Horsemen that was introduced in the 2011 Halloween event. My logic behind introducing it was that if NPCs could form clans too (as the event indicated), then maybe all those various tutors may have formed their own clan too.

But now, back to the story, and back to the trial.

(story continues next page)

28-Jul-2012 02:13:09 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2013 19:47:43 by Darelzel

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The Trial of Yelps