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Yrolg

Yrolg

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Skirata605,

Hello and welcome. :) I'm glad you like the thread -- I encourage you to utilize it as you see fit. You should try your best to help out all who ask for help, as they will try and do the same for you. :)
Remember, too, that if you ever want feedback, you need only ask for it. :)

18-Mar-2010 01:24:19

Caustic Flux
Aug Member 2022

Caustic Flux

Posts: 88 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
They refused our treaty
So we treated ourselves in.
As we came in I swung my halberd
And it ended up hitting a poor soldiers Halberk
As the blood splattered my greaves
The Villagers began to sink into grief
I made my wy to my friend Ed
And along the way I cut off someones head
He said one was trying to make it out of the gates
So I cut him down and got a sweet date
And as all The blood began to spew
The few of us began to cheer.
Made it up idk lol

18-Mar-2010 01:36:06

Yrolg

Yrolg

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I'd focus on improving your word economy. In poems, using less words to say more is a great tool.
I'd also focus on removing the prose aspects (simply saying what happened), and I would focus on developing the poetic aspects: improving the flow, adding meter (if you want it), experimenting with allusions and symbols, and inverting and transforming certain parts to create a more complex but comprehensive idea. :)
Sometimes, you have to focus more on the little things and less on the big things to get your point through. For example:
"They refused our treaty
So we treated ourselves in. "
>could< be:
"An empty sheet
our frame did hold,
Idly waiting
In the ignorance of hate.
And to the flapping marshal's cue,
We stomped a tune
Right through their frame."
They both describe the same message, but the second one describes more of what happened. This also adds a back story, saying that there was a feud between the two parties, and that the invaded party didn't respect the other.

18-Mar-2010 01:40:46 - Last edited on 18-Mar-2010 01:45:42 by Yrolg

Yrolg

Yrolg

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Tycoon Level,
Hello. I've taken another look at your poem. I now am beginning to think that, in reality, you are fine with meter: its your interpretation of syllables that gets you at fault. In your first stanza, for example, several lines are congruent with each other, and this makes a fine effect. The final line, however, doesn't match, and this throws the reader off.
Now, it's fine to have the end line off, but it can't be arbitrary: the meter exists to give a form of regularity and control the poem. Random and purposeless distribution of syllables is not a way to create a successful poem; you should strive to make every sound count.
In writing poetry, you can't fudge things. If a line has an extra syllable, you have to take it out (either the line or the syllable). That's what separates the good poems from the bad: consistency and development.

18-Mar-2010 01:52:04

Yrolg

Yrolg

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Nguy4,
That's one of the hardest things to do in metrical analysis. :p
It's part of the reason I dislike iambic pentameter: most syllables can be both stressed and unstressed.
For the most part, though, it's unstressed unless it sounds otherwise. :/

18-Mar-2010 01:53:25

Nguy4

Nguy4

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I once saw a poem that each single syllable was stressed*****;****; O.O
That absolutely blew my mind of the perception of that.
I also know there are many more stress patterns than iambic pentameter. Plus, some poets use wrong or incorrect meter to bring attention to the line.

Like you said, its so hard to figure it out. Ehh...

18-Mar-2010 02:12:26 - Last edited on 18-Mar-2010 02:13:05 by Nguy4

Yrolg

Yrolg

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There are also pyrrhic, trochaic, spondaic, tribrachic, dactylic, amphibrachich, anapestic, baccic, antibacchic, cretic, molossusic, tetrabrachich, ditrocheic, diambic, choriambic, antipastic, and probably fifty more. O_o
If you are familiar with music, I can make it a bit easier. A meter in music is the designation of how many beats are in a measure (a line) as well as what note (syllable) gets the beat (stress).
I oftentimes use iambic pentameter because it is the single most common form of verse. Simply put, iambic pentameter is dah-DUM dah-DUM dah-DUM dah-DUM dah-DUM. It's just what poets tend to go to, as it is popularized in famous poetry (Shakespeare almost exclusively used it in his most famous plays and sonnets).

18-Mar-2010 02:27:01

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