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Kotane

Kotane

Posts: 7,110 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Endscape.
Flat horizons.
I see sunsets
before I see sunrises.
The glass is half empty.
You see it as half full.
Pessimism.
So bleak.
There's no faith
in what I know.
Show me a great war,
And I'll show you the death.
Honor.
Lives lost.
The bloody sunset.
Remember how they fought!
And have died for freedom.
So why do they still fight?
Fear
I cower.
From my duty.
And from my country.
I see no use in fighting.
If it does not change anything.
Passion
I talk.
I want change.
Here. Today. Now. You.
Do not fight for nothing.
Unless your fight brings us peace.

20-Jun-2010 02:41:31

Kotane

Kotane

Posts: 7,110 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thunder is furious.
Lightning flashes.
Trees ablaze.
Rain pouring its overflowing buckets.
But they can never quench the human’s
Insatiable quest for pain.
The sounding fury, tumultuous storms
Cloud over in blackened form
A mind with the floodgates
Poised to loose hell.
And the river rages
And no tongue can quell
The raging tornado of verbosity.
It cycles through the days
At the speed of sound.
All I see, devastation all ‘round.
Twisting, convoluting until taut.
And hell hath no fury to what this soul wrought.
Turning day into night.
Making this lightning scorch more
And I still think this has happened before.
The ages of words, the sounds of war.
And score after endless infinite score
Marches through two by two, four by four.
They keep leaving though a muscled tongue,
Knowing the war’s over before the battle’s won,
They flash their lightning, release their sound!
And a giant CRACK!!! makes the words unwound.
But I stand strong, I cannot fail.
Nor the rain, with its pail after pail
And the sounds, the thunderous wail
And the lightning, with an electric tail
Shall ever evoke, provoke, invoke
Any reaction from me.
The thunder is furious
But I am fury.
The lightning flashes.
But I am brighter.
The rain covers.
But I take my boat and sail away.

28-Jun-2010 16:00:57

[#J2YKVQ2SL]

[#J2YKVQ2SL]

Posts: 12,132 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
As the wind blows,
the water flows.
In the reflection,
I see a rejection.
This rejection is of my life,
which has been slashed out with a cold and bloodied knife.
If I had not been to careful with my actions,
I would not have been in either of these factions.
I would have been a lonely man,
lying on the warm but secluded sand.
So I will tell you now,
and you better listen if you don't want your face in the ground.
Keep your friends and higher aquantences close,
and your enemies closer.
Expect the unexpected,
and your life will not be rejected.

29-Jun-2010 07:01:40

Soldgaboy
Dec Member 2023

Soldgaboy

Posts: 5,526 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Eh, I don't know if you are still doing this or if you read or like other peoples poems but I figured I'd get it out there. I got 2 of my own and another from a unknown writer.
All rights reserved by me, please ask me for permission to use.(use can reach me on my clans thread if you search my name and leave a post)
A New Sky
I fly like a bird in a darkness stained sky.
Alone I fly, noone at my side.
What is this I spy,
another bird that flys in this dark sky.
I move near and see your tears.
In your eyes, I see your fears.
I wipe them away and on me you may rely.
Together we fly, threw a gray sky.
As we fly the sky clears.
I close my eyes and a coast appears.
You and I, alone in a sea.
With you, I'm free.
We swam with such delight.
While we swim I hold you tight.
I gaze at you, your eyes so unique.
On a whim I kiss your cheek.
You look at me in such surprise.
As I retreat, you gaze in my eyes.
Your touch makes me braver,
but your kiss makes me wavier.
I open my eyes,
again we're in the sky.
In a clear sky,
the ground passes close by.
Together we land,
forever we hold hands.
Never will we be alone.
Always you'll have a home

29-Jun-2010 16:50:02 - Last edited on 29-Jun-2010 17:00:30 by Soldgaboy

Soldgaboy
Dec Member 2023

Soldgaboy

Posts: 5,526 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The Tree of Life
By: Soldgaboy

Everyday is a branch of the Tree of Life,
sometimes we might fall down a couple of branches
,but if you work you can always make your way back up.
Some people may try to prevent you from reaching your chosen branch
,but as long as you have loved ones in mind you'll never be alone.
Even if a storm comes and the tree begins to sway,
stay your course and you will succeed.
Though you may think the climb took a long time,
when you look back on how the long trip has taken its tolls,
you can remember the journey
,and how short of a time it took to get to the top.
Though we don't have alot of time here
,as long as you remember the climb steadily
,your memories of your climb will last an eternity.
As you climb the other people whos climb you have changed
will carry on your legacy.
So the only question for you to answer now
is when will you reach the top of your tree
,and whos climbs you have helped.

29-Jun-2010 16:50:22

Soldgaboy
Dec Member 2023

Soldgaboy

Posts: 5,526 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I was watching videos on youtube when i saw this poem come across and i really like'd it so i figured maybe someone else would too.
I dont truely know who wrote it because i found many variations of it.
The soldier stood and faced his God,
Which must always come to pass,
He hoped his shoes were shining,
Just as brightly as his brass.
"Step forward now, you soldier,
How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To My Church have you been true?"
The soldier squared his shoulders,
and said: "No, Lord, I guess I ain't,
Because those of us who carry guns,
Can't always be a saint.
I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear,
And sometimes, God, forgive me,
I wept unmanly tears.
If you've a place for me here, Lord,
(It needn't be real grand,
I've never expected, or had too much),
But if you don't, I'll understand."
There was a silence around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod,
As the soldier waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God.
"Step forward now, you soldier,
You've borne your burdens well,
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
You've done your time in Hell."

29-Jun-2010 16:50:44

Kotane

Kotane

Posts: 7,110 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Rainbow, I think with your poem, less words is more.
For example:
In the reflection, I see (a) rejection.
I think you can take out the a, and still keep the flow and general meaning of these lines.
You used has been, not have been, not had been, it seems a little redundant.
Warm,(but) secluded sand. I think without the but in there, it makes the emotion feel more powerful.
Also, you spelled acquaintance wrong.
I think you have potential, but remember, the less words you use in a line, the more powerful an emotion is conveyed.


Soldgaboy, I do like this first poem. There are a few spelling and grammatical errors which I think is the main thing you need to work on. Noon, flies, waver, through. You need to use some commas in many places in your poem.
For example:
As we fly(,) the sky clears.
I close my eyes(,) and a coast appears.
While we swim(,) I hold you tight.
On a whim(,) I kiss your cheek.
The rhyme scheme is good, and you use your words well. But just a side note,
What is this I spy,
another bird that (flies) in this dark sky.
Is this meant as a question? If so, use a question mark or reorganize the words so that they don't look like one.
Great poem, keep up the good work.


On your second poem, well, I don't know if I would even consider this a poem. I like free verse, don't get me wrong, but it seems more like a list to live by rather than a poem. I would also avoid using a lot as much as possible. Not much to say about it. I like the message, but I don't see that it has much poetic form.

As far as the last poem you posted, I think I've heard this before too. And I really like it.


Please, continue to post and review other's poems. Any input is greatly appreciated.

29-Jun-2010 18:21:27 - Last edited on 29-Jun-2010 18:22:11 by Kotane

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