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Well, we'll just agree to disagree on the Buddha then.
I still maintain, though, that your piece is saying to little with too many words. With such short pieces, it's of the utmost importance that everything means a lot more than just face value. Take William Carlos Williams's infamous poem The Red Wheelbarrow for instance. There are thousands of interpretations of it because he used every word with the utmost care, making sure that it could say a hundred things with only five letters.
(I can quote the poem if need be).
I still maintain, though, that your piece is saying to little with too many words. With such short pieces, it's of the utmost importance that everything means a lot more than just face value. Take William Carlos Williams's infamous poem The Red Wheelbarrow for instance. There are thousands of interpretations of it because he used every word with the utmost care, making sure that it could say a hundred things with only five letters.
(I can quote the poem if need be).
13-Apr-2010 02:21:18
We're gonna have to.
To be honest, it's open to interpretation anyway, like everything. There is no right or wrong.
To be honest, it's open to interpretation anyway, like everything. There is no right or wrong.
13-Apr-2010 11:15:30 - Last edited on 13-Apr-2010 20:23:39 by Crocefisso
Reading such short poems are always a welcome diversion and nicely formed too
I would be interested in your idea too Crocefisso- it would be interesting to see what form it takes
I stumbled across an old Ted Hughes' book the other day "Birthday Letters", one which I haven't read... just digesting the same now
Hoping to see more poetry soon too
I would be interested in your idea too Crocefisso- it would be interesting to see what form it takes
I stumbled across an old Ted Hughes' book the other day "Birthday Letters", one which I haven't read... just digesting the same now
Hoping to see more poetry soon too
13-Apr-2010 23:51:38 - Last edited on 13-Apr-2010 23:51:57 by Amoraten
Some Haikus:
The first snowflake falls
brushing the home of a bird
the chickadee stirs...
------------------------------
The glass is broken
a dolphin breaks the surface
and skims the water
------------------------------
Majestic seashore
bordered by some royal cliffs
Guards protect their kin
------------------------------
Immersed in the keys
black an white is all I see
music flows from me
------------------------------
Nothing is stirring...
the Pastor recites his message
*'m immersed in God
------------------------------
Forget this image--
Brother and father fighting
broken glass on the floor
------------------------------
The fresh crystals fall
shattering as they touch the ground
bringing back the life
------------------------------
Frail, wrinkled old hand
Lets go for the final time
Years of knowledge--gone.
------------------------------
At one with nature:
The only true way to think-
alone and at peace
------------------------------
Homeless and alone,
a man sits along the road
When will someone notice?
------------------------------
The final leaf falls
Summer's taken it's last breath
Cold winter to follow
------------------------------
In the favela
a fierce gang war continues
innocent lie dying
------------------------------
I wasted my time
Loving you, with all my heart
yet you had no clue
------------------------------
People say the world's bad
But they havn't seen the sorld
Not from a child's eyes
------------------------------
A word unspoken
Will never make a difference
Unless it's written
------------------------------
Peace: a time to think
Spent trying to evade 'THAT:'
The war inside us
Thanks
These are my best in my collection so far
The first snowflake falls
brushing the home of a bird
the chickadee stirs...
------------------------------
The glass is broken
a dolphin breaks the surface
and skims the water
------------------------------
Majestic seashore
bordered by some royal cliffs
Guards protect their kin
------------------------------
Immersed in the keys
black an white is all I see
music flows from me
------------------------------
Nothing is stirring...
the Pastor recites his message
*'m immersed in God
------------------------------
Forget this image--
Brother and father fighting
broken glass on the floor
------------------------------
The fresh crystals fall
shattering as they touch the ground
bringing back the life
------------------------------
Frail, wrinkled old hand
Lets go for the final time
Years of knowledge--gone.
------------------------------
At one with nature:
The only true way to think-
alone and at peace
------------------------------
Homeless and alone,
a man sits along the road
When will someone notice?
------------------------------
The final leaf falls
Summer's taken it's last breath
Cold winter to follow
------------------------------
In the favela
a fierce gang war continues
innocent lie dying
------------------------------
I wasted my time
Loving you, with all my heart
yet you had no clue
------------------------------
People say the world's bad
But they havn't seen the sorld
Not from a child's eyes
------------------------------
A word unspoken
Will never make a difference
Unless it's written
------------------------------
Peace: a time to think
Spent trying to evade 'THAT:'
The war inside us
Thanks
These are my best in my collection so far
14-Apr-2010 04:37:44 - Last edited on 14-Apr-2010 04:38:15 by Twid
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