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Twid

Twid

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Let's say we bring this thread back to the active roster, shall we?
Let's hear some poetry!
Here's a humorous one about Nascar and Zebras.
Along the concrete track
cars slip quickly by,
When one makes a smack!
But oh, it was just a fly.
Inspired by the racing cars
a zoo creature joins in,
a creature from Mars?
No, a creature of sin.
The black and the white,
though striking in color
seem to fit quite right,
even though I fail to rhyme.
The zebra runs,
quick as he can,
but soon loses speed in the afternoon sun
and wishes he were a man
The animal blocks the path
and cars screech to a halt
they did the math -
The zebra added to their wounds some salt
For these cars,
though speedy and quick,
had already lost to Jars,
a racer quite slick.

07-Oct-2010 04:32:05

Twid

Twid

Posts: 1,879 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I love that poem! That really gets me thinking about life and how life ends - if indeed it does. My beliefs are in Christianity, and as such I believe that some day there will be an Armageddon. I think that poem really sums up Judgement Day, not through elegant descriptions, (however you do indeed provide sufficient descriptions) but through emotional states. I love how it is so in depth in such a short piece. Well done! No complaints from me!

14-Oct-2010 05:54:34

Twid

Twid

Posts: 1,879 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Oooh... that's an interesting poem. Tough to find the meaning... I like that it makes you think. Well written, but the only comment I would say is that it could use more of a central focus... Not blaringly obvious, that wouldn't be interesting, now, would it? But it's just hard for me to find somthing. Of course, it's late at night so I may be missing the obvious.

21-Oct-2010 05:14:32

Twid

Twid

Posts: 1,879 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
No no - There is a point! "Poetry is the spontaneus overflow of [emotion]" - William Wordsworth. It would just need something to tie it together before publication or something, I think. I don't know, this is just a Sophomore-in-High-School's view on it.
Is that a poem about giving up everything for peace and salvation? That's how I interepreted it, and it'll be different for everyone, but what did you mean by it? But yes, that has a theme tying it together. I like it!

25-Oct-2010 04:07:59

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