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Twid

Twid

Posts: 1,879 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I absolutely love that!
It has a great window into your emotions. I think it really shows that you opened up and tapped into your true emotions during that. The only thing I would say is to maybe spice up the actual writing. The style was intriguing, and the flow was interesting as well, but I think you may need some more, I don't know, emphasis (?) on the main point of your poem.

13-Sep-2010 05:00:09

Crocefisso

Crocefisso

Posts: 1,385 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
If anyone knows anything of haiku, then please do feel free to give me some feedback on this one I wrote yesterday.
__________________________
First day of autumn -
Where are the cicadas now?
Preceeding the leaves
__________________________

To see more of my haiku, go to The Crocefisso Collection, QFC 49-50-20-60916842.

15-Sep-2010 22:45:26 - Last edited on 15-Sep-2010 22:46:50 by Crocefisso

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

Posts: 2,888 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
So, I just saw this thread and thought I'd try my hand at some poetry. I don't know if I read right, but I assume there are no rules for presenting your piece.
Tap, tapping my pencil,
Rap, rapping my knuckles,
Map, mapping the setting,
Because I need a plot
Read, reading a Seuss book,
Weed, weeding the garden
Feed, feeding my cat,
Looking for a plot
Eat, eating a sandwich,
Meet, meeting some peers,
Beat, beating my head on my desk,
I can't think of a plot
Bait, baiting my cat with a string,
Rate, rating other people's stories,
Late, late, it's the 28th of November,
Hate, hate NaNoWriMo so much

23-Sep-2010 20:59:09 - Last edited on 23-Sep-2010 21:09:13 by YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

Posts: 2,888 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Croce, the cicada gave me an idea for another poem. This one doesn't rhyme, so sue me.
First, a bit of backstory: My nemesis is a *icada. Every year, there is this one cicada that is always screeching in my ear. I always pursue it, and once I nearly got it, but it's always escaped. I swear it's the same one.
Armed with my fly swatter and a stepping stool,
My longsword and my noble speed,
A pair of earmuffs my shining armor,
Pray to your stupid bug god, cicada
Where are your snide threats now, cicada?
I can see you up there in the branches,
I get up on the stool and prepare to strike,
Where are your snide threats now?
And then you spot me, and rise into the air,
I furiously swing, but it is too late,
You win again, you stupid cicada,
I'll get you one day, you stupid cicada

23-Sep-2010 21:07:08 - Last edited on 23-Sep-2010 21:25:53 by YuBiusk Ink

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