Oh my! I just realised I never gave a proper response to your feedback, Azigarath. I'm so sorry to have gone this long in obliviance. Most of your observations were, I think, rather on point. I think it is wordy, though not terribly so, and it does use an advanced vernacular. I wonder why you think I am using words incorrect? I certainly have tried to place proper context.
In terms of rambling, I do agree with you there. I have to think it might be because of the way in which I write, but also I don't mind rambling. I have a habit for prolix so I tend to let that seep into my literary works as well. Given the fact that I don't mind reading wordiness and my favourite authors have knacks for excessive verbage, it is only reasonable that I, too, would realise the same quality.
The outline for this story is a tricky one, so I don't want you to be confused. At this point it does sort of serve in a non-linear fashion. There are no narratives ongoing, and only one of them has a linear sort of action. I actually am thinking about cutting one of them out all together. The first is the story of the boy and his journey through the afterlife. The second was the story of the mother as she struggles to live with his death.
The goal was to eventually have her locked away in an asylum administered by the State, have the father take to alcohol to drown the sorrow of losing his wife and son, and leave the daughter to adoption where she suffers at the hands of an abusive system. The mother, father, and daughter would all die on the same day -- a day of the lunar eclipse -- and reunite with the son in the afterlife, forever wandering and unable to move forward but at least able to meander together.
So I hope that clarifies the odd sort of plot structure. This last chapter was supposed to be the one that set up Laurana's certification, but the message was distracted and I rambled in a different direction. I'll fix it someday I guess.
Thanks again for the feedback!
--Yrolg
In terms of rambling, I do agree with you there. I have to think it might be because of the way in which I write, but also I don't mind rambling. I have a habit for prolix so I tend to let that seep into my literary works as well. Given the fact that I don't mind reading wordiness and my favourite authors have knacks for excessive verbage, it is only reasonable that I, too, would realise the same quality.
The outline for this story is a tricky one, so I don't want you to be confused. At this point it does sort of serve in a non-linear fashion. There are no narratives ongoing, and only one of them has a linear sort of action. I actually am thinking about cutting one of them out all together. The first is the story of the boy and his journey through the afterlife. The second was the story of the mother as she struggles to live with his death.
The goal was to eventually have her locked away in an asylum administered by the State, have the father take to alcohol to drown the sorrow of losing his wife and son, and leave the daughter to adoption where she suffers at the hands of an abusive system. The mother, father, and daughter would all die on the same day -- a day of the lunar eclipse -- and reunite with the son in the afterlife, forever wandering and unable to move forward but at least able to meander together.
So I hope that clarifies the odd sort of plot structure. This last chapter was supposed to be the one that set up Laurana's certification, but the message was distracted and I rambled in a different direction. I'll fix it someday I guess.
Thanks again for the feedback!
--Yrolg
09-Jul-2012 04:43:57