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Lunar Eclipse

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Azigarath

Azigarath

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Just stopped by for something. Maybe I was expected to do something, so I read this story, as maybe I've misunderstood that swap or something.
I've read from chapter 1 to the end of chapter 5 by showing your posts on this thread only and some searching, so I think that there is no chapter 6 yet.
well, the story started out as a mother finding her dead son killed by magic, goes on to depict what happened earlier when an angry woman killed her husband, and then the woman happens to be a ghost that killed the boy (I think), then shows me that a senate talks with a Sir about provinces, terrorism and then a bored king about something.
This is all just at the top of my head as I've finished reading the story about an hour ago and then went to change the tires for my car while battling mosquitoes, so I think I ahd forgotten about a few things, but oh well.
I did reread, actually skimmed, through chapter 5 though.
So, I'll start by pointing out the two things that I remember which I feel needs some attention.
Second post of chapter 2 mentions Laurana about "daemons out to get her" or something like that.
I assume it's something about demons, because daemon is a name. The name Daemon means tamer (that is, people who tame animals) in Greek or Latin, can't remember which language though.
Demona would be the Greek or Latin word for demon, but this is just what I think so I could be wrong. May have to double check this, but doesnt hurt pointing it out just in case.
Also, fourth chapter second post, last sentence, has the word 'form' instead of 'from' I think.
Anyways, the story does what it does, but since it goes from a ghost killing a boy (I think, since there could be a twist event that changes the story about this) and now we have Strusse talking about terrorism, so the topics are varied and I was a bit off in the storyline at times.

29-May-2011 00:02:03

Azigarath

Azigarath

Posts: 9,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Particularly at the beginning, the story gets rather wordy, using long unusual words when simple, common ones could be used just the same way, but it looks like wordiness attracts people's attention. But it wasn't attractive for me since I went through high school knowing a few friends who loved using long words and often didn't know what they meant.
eg., in high school I liked playing chess in the library every now and then. While playing chess once, a game that I know how to play but often lose because I was never serious about it, after getting into checkmate and so losing the game my friend said I was being too pedantic, which supposedly was why I lost. His little brother said the same a few days later, and then my friend said the same thing the next week ( or something like that, I can't remember exact words).
When asked what pedantic meant by another friend of mine, my friend just said to the other not to ask about things he didn't know about. So I answered, saying that it meant someone who was being too obsessed about formal rules or something like that.
Another time my friend mentioned that I was acting too much like a peccadillo during the chess game, so acting like a minor insult was the reason why I lost. There were a few times like these but I don't remember them.
Maybe what my friend said in those two times make sense, I dunno.
Anyways, back to the story, it kind of feels to go toward the past as the story progresses. So I think the story depicts the past after each chapter.
Honestly, the story wasn't too exciting or interesting for me, but then again I seem to have an opinion like that from everything I have read or seen for the past several years.

29-May-2011 00:02:18

Azigarath

Azigarath

Posts: 9,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Of course it's not a bad thing that I found the story uninteresting. It has literary value, something I never focus on, so I know that the story has value in it, but my interest reflects my personality, and personality doesn't change, so I'm guessing I'm too stubborn to be flexible enough to enjoy stories that are different from my own.
I noticed that people commented about how much they loved the story or found it absolutely awesome, but that's not the impact it left on me, so I'm hoping I didn't miss some sort of life-changing event in the story or perhaps misunderstood the overall 'feel' of the story.
Englishkid did mention that I don't let my emotions show, and I seem to drown in morbidity as the months come and go, so I'm also hoping I'm not becoming a stone-hearted wretch.
Well, I've noticed in your posts about people's comments talk about Steinbeck or Poe, and I was thinking about such authors, and Hemmingway, so I don't need to really talk about authors such as they because the topics have already been discussed.
So, yeah, overall I feel that the story is what it is, and has its fair share of little morals and mature depictions about life. Some women, such as young mothers, treat their babies like precious dolls and then kill their babies, and then go on life as if nothing had happened.
Women are quite the nippy little creatures, hunh? Men are the same, too.
Other than that, I think there's some room for negative criticism. The story about the woman who kills her husband seems to kill the boy, a descendant of this man whom has been rather open to other women.
Acts of revenge from supernatural beings is most evident in horror movies. I see such things all the time, so in this case, this part of the story wasn't too new or interesting for me. Even Caligula's ghost seemed to have been angry, and I recall you having typed a poem that had Caligula sometime somewhere, not clear where I've read it though.

29-May-2011 00:02:43

Azigarath

Azigarath

Posts: 9,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
At times, the stories feels like it rambles on to make its point, but I do the same things myself, sometimes taking up to several chapters and not sentences to make a point, so this isn't much of a deal.
The story's setting feels like nineteenth century Denmark but of fictional places, but this is just my own assumption.
Hmm, other than that, if I typed the story, I would have made a focus on a few morbid things, that is, show the reader what morbid can be. You do use the word morbid near the beginning, but I didn't see anything morbid. I don't find crows morbid, really.
Like, the boy's corpse is all yucky, but there is no full detail about it. If I was given a chance to delve and focus on the condition about the corpse, I'd have a better idea. I can imagine the corpse any way I want to, but if I had some extra direction to imagine the corpse I would have an idea.
For example, let's say that the mother falls atop the corpse, and her hands crush through the skin and sink into a nest of now-exposed ribs, or her arms sink through the stomach and burrow into the small intestines, and when the mother raises her arms out of the body, her forearms are entangled in sticky intestines. So now not only do I feel the mother's grief, but now she has a mess from her boy's guts.
But oh well that's just me.
Well, that's all for now, as I don't remember enough and I don't want to post paragraph after paragraph of my biased opinion, so let's just say that I've read the story, I took the time to think about, and thus that's that, and hopefully my posts were worthwhile to read.
So yeah, until next time, I suppose.

Yay.

29-May-2011 00:03:13 - Last edited on 30-Apr-2012 00:00:14 by Azigarath

Old Gnomish
Jul Member 2023

Old Gnomish

Posts: 2,569 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Profiled, I must find the time to read this, for the first page has captivated me already.
I'm glad you 'bump' your works, Yrolg, for your activity in this forum appears infrequent yet your stories deserve to be seen and read.
In an entirely unrelated manner of discourse, are you English? I'm assuming you are, which would equate to why I enjoy your style so much; that and the fact that your grasp on the English language is impeccable.
Snow
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15-Jan-2012 18:21:16

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
If by English you mean is English my native language, yes it is. I dare say I could hardly craft such a story in Spanish, even though I have near receptive fluency. If you mean am I from England, I should answer that I am not. Regardless, thanks for your support. :)

05-Feb-2012 19:55:31

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