RuneScape Forum Archive | Losing a Loved One

CM Arbor

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Jenesiis said :
@CM Arbor

I sat with my mother when she died, and went through the funeral and felt comparatively calm. It wasn`t that I did not care, I did greatly. I just felt somewhat distanced from it, somehow watching it from one remove.

It was a year afterwards on the anniversary of her death when it hit me like a train coming, and I spent a day sobbing relentlessly. Grief can be very different and unpredictable.

I'm sorry to hear that; my condolences to you and your family for that terrible loss. I think I know what you mean. I felt similarly, and deep down I think it was because it hadn't hit me yet, like I hadn't fully accepted this new reality where he was gone, even though I thought I had and knew it in my mind. This might've been especially true since, due to pandemic restrictions, we decided to postpone the funeral until a later time when gathering is less problematic, and hopefully entirely okay, so we can properly celebrate along with the multitudes of friends my dad left behind. Who knows if that'll actually happen, though. Thanks for sharing your story, J enesis; I appreciate it.

And wow, thank you Rooh and the FMod team for the sticky! What an honour, and thank you to everyone who's been brave enough to contribute to this thread so far. I hope we can keep it going and have more great discussion on this heartfelt, difficult topic.

06-Nov-2020 17:37:31

Haukur

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I hope this thread does continue. For it is the nearest thing to group therapy we can have. Having a place where others can share, and help each other.

Grief is a funny thing, for some it comes in stages, others it comes like an avalanche, and for some it is locked away for years until one day it erupts like a raging volcano. Don't ever think the reason I am peaceful is because I do not know how to be violent.
Ekki hugsa alltaf að ég sé friðsælt vegna þess að ég veit ekki hvernig á að vera ofbeldi.

06-Nov-2020 22:52:17

Brigantia

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CM Arbor said :
Do any of you have significant regrets regarding any loved one's passing?.

It's easy to get lost in a spiral of "I wish I had done more of xyz" and such, but the fact remains that you can't change the past. What you can do in the future , however, is occasionally ask yourself "Am I okay with leaving it at that? Should I do more? Will I regret not doing ABC in ten years?" so that you don't have those regrets, or at least fewer of them. I, like many others, got stuck in a rut of feeling regret because I didn't do this, or I should have done more, and so on and so forth. It isn't healthy.

Once I realized that, I figured it would be a better tribute to their memory to move forward with a more invested approach, if anything. At the same time, I try not to overextend myself either.

I realize that it isn't a black and white easy fix, and that situations can be and are difficult. I hope I got the point across anyway lol

Arrr! Only th' Devil an' I know th' where'bouts o' me treasure, an' th' one o' us who lives th' longes' should take i' all.

@CapnBrigantia

07-Nov-2020 11:41:08

Kiwi Magic

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Hi CM Arbor. I'm sorry to hear about your loss of your father.

I haven't lost a lot of people in my life, but I did lose a loved one more than 10 years ago, and it did take me a few years to come to terms with it.

I always think of that Billy Joel song, "Only the good die young".

Make Your Own Magic

11-Nov-2020 06:01:12

Oct

2023

Conformed

Posts: 2,901 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

This year honestly just sucks so much man...

My aunt was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and my grandma was just diagnosed with lung cancer both this week. I don't really know how to feel. I'm close with both of them and it's just such sad news. It's been awhile since I've had to deal with something this heartbreaking...

We estimate that they both have about 6 months

-- Con

for

med --

13-Nov-2020 00:22:29 - Last edited on 13-Nov-2020 00:23:17 by Conformed

CM Arbor

Local Moderator Posts: 1,945 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Kiwi Magic said :
Hi CM Arbor. I'm sorry to hear about your loss of your father.

I haven't lost a lot of people in my life, but I did lose a loved one more than 10 years ago, and it did take me a few years to come to terms with it.

I always think of that Billy Joel song, "Only the good die young".

I'm so sorry for your loss, long ago though it was. I really love that song myself, and think of it often! My retro tunes often help me cope with hard times, and this one is significant in a big way for me. Here's to great music and the soul-soothing it brings!

Conformed said :
This year honestly just sucks so much man...

My aunt was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and my grandma was just diagnosed with lung cancer both this week. I don't really know how to feel. I'm close with both of them and it's just such sad news. It's been awhile since I've had to deal with something this heartbreaking...

We estimate that they both have about 6 months

That's awful, and I'm sorry to hear that. Here's hoping you can at least spend some top-notch quality time with them in these coming days and months, and properly say goodbye. I'm sending you all the good vibes I've got, and some e-hugs to go along with them. Hang in there, and stay strong.

13-Nov-2020 17:37:55

Oct

2023

Conformed

Posts: 2,901 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Thank you Arbor, I appreciate it truly.

Just read through the second post on this thread...I'm so incredibly sorry for the loss of your father and I wish you the best possible transition back into normal life.

The RS community has your back if you need anything, and I hope we can all learn and benefit from this thread in one way or another. I know that it's already helped me out a little so thanks for that.

-- Con

for

med --

13-Nov-2020 17:49:38

CM Arbor

Local Moderator Posts: 1,945 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Conformed said :
Thank you Arbor, I appreciate it truly.

Just read through the second post on this thread...I'm so incredibly sorry for the loss of your father and I wish you the best possible transition back into normal life.

The RS community has your back if you need anything, and I hope we can all learn and benefit from this thread in one way or another. I know that it's already helped me out a little so thanks for that.

Thanks for the kind condolences; they're always appreciated. I'm doing my best to get back to normalcy, but I really never know how I'm going to feel on a given day. I guess it's a slow, winding process.

Thank you so much for saying that! It makes me so happy to hear that people are getting something real out of talking about this, and it's incredible to see everyone supporting each other so sweetly while we're all pouring our hearts out and being vulnerable with this sensitive topic. It's a true testament to the quality of the RS community, to be sure!

13-Nov-2020 17:55:30

Jul

2005

C a z

Posts: 4,261 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

C a z said :
Haukur said :
For me, my biggest regret was not being able to tell my mother that I loved her one last time. Like I said earlier, I only learned of her death when I returned Stateside from Vietnam.

I understand <3

For me now, I always try to speak my feelings and tell loved ones I love them. And if I can grab
a hug or two all the better.

Latest ct results show my mums cancer has now not only spread to her lung and chest wall but is also in her spine, she is angry her last years are full of covid so she hasnt been able to do anything...'bucket list' having said that she still chooses to go food shopping and see me, even given her vulnerability.

I feel like im on a cliff edge waiting for the inevitable. And so is my mum, and all the family.

Is this better than a sudden death??? who can say Remember Caz. Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

07-Jan-2021 23:25:11

Jul

2005

C a z

Posts: 4,261 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

I was gonna post but actually cant express how im feeling atm Remember Caz. Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

12-Jan-2021 00:26:07 - Last edited on 12-Jan-2021 14:41:31 by C a z

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Losing a Loved One