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Losing a Loved One

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C a z
Jul Member 2005

C a z

Posts: 4,261 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Feelings and regrets are never silly, its really important to be kind to yourself and know everything you feel is ok.

The loss of a loved one seems like one of the last taboo subjects. But I have found
talking about how one feels really does help in the long term.

I have the usual regrets with regards to my brother, we will never know if his OD was intentional or not. Remember Caz. Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

04-Nov-2020 19:41:02

CM Arbor

CM Arbor

Local Moderator Posts: 1,945 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
C a z said :
Feelings and regrets are never silly, its really important to be kind to yourself and know everything you feel is ok.

That's one big takeaway I've gotten from the kind replies on this thread. Everyone is incredibly understanding with these types of grief-related experiences. With respect to feeling better and moving through and past it, it's an individual, highly personal process, and everybody reacts differently. I'll try to see it that way and not feel silly about my thoughts, but well, I do that a lot. :P

C a z said :
The loss of a loved one seems like one of the last taboo subjects. But I have found
talking about how one feels really does help in the long term.

It really does. It's strange how infrequently you hear about this stuff compared to how often it happens to people, especially in trying times akin to what the world is going through now. And yeah, that need to discuss and be open about it has been communicated to me from a bunch of people, hence the thread! It seems lots of us are airing out potent feelings and experiences together, too, which is great to see.

C a z said :
I have the usual regrets with regards to my brother, we will never know if his OD was intentional or not.

I'm sorry to hear this, C a z. I hope that not knowing doesn't weigh too heavily on you. Thank you again for sharing your experience, too.

04-Nov-2020 19:55:43

C a z
Jul Member 2005

C a z

Posts: 4,261 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
C a z said :
I have the usual regrets with regards to my brother, we will never know if his OD was intentional or not.

I'm sorry to hear this, C a z. I hope that not knowing doesn't weigh too heavily on you. Thank you again for sharing your experience, too.[/quote]

Thank you. It doesn't weigh too heavily, when cleaning out his bedsit we found some sad letters to an ex of his. So in one way I hope he had meant to do it as he felt so sad.

He had been mentally unwell since his teens, (a lot of our family members me included suffer with different mental health issues) and I can only hope he is now at peace.

This thread has been one of the first times I have spoken about my brother, a few earlier threads I have said a few words to do with him, mainly on the Tattoo thread.

I hope this thread continues to give you an outlet you can share your thoughts and feelings, as well as others.

Sending caring vibes to everyone. Remember Caz. Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

04-Nov-2020 22:40:05 - Last edited on 04-Nov-2020 22:41:43 by C a z

Haukur

Haukur

Posts: 1,384 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
For me, my biggest regret was not being able to tell my mother that I loved her one last time. Like I said earlier, I only learned of her death when I returned Stateside from Vietnam. Don't ever think the reason I am peaceful is because I do not know how to be violent.
Ekki hugsa alltaf að ég sé friðsælt vegna þess að ég veit ekki hvernig á að vera ofbeldi.

05-Nov-2020 00:01:23

C a z
Jul Member 2005

C a z

Posts: 4,261 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Haukur said :
For me, my biggest regret was not being able to tell my mother that I loved her one last time. Like I said earlier, I only learned of her death when I returned Stateside from Vietnam.

I understand <3

For me now, I always try to speak my feelings and tell loved ones I love them. And if I can grab
a hug or two all the better. Remember Caz. Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

05-Nov-2020 01:44:40

CM Arbor

CM Arbor

Local Moderator Posts: 1,945 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Haukur said :
For me, my biggest regret was not being able to tell my mother that I loved her one last time. Like I said earlier, I only learned of her death when I returned Stateside from Vietnam.

So sorry to hear that, Haukur. Such a thing would pain me deeply. I'm so thankful I got a chance to give my dad a proper goodbye before he passed. I was lucky in that regard.

C a z said :
For me now, I always try to speak my feelings and tell loved ones I love them. And if I can grab
a hug or two all the better.

This is absolutely my policy going forward. Never again am I putting off anything regarding loved ones unless I have to. I'm going to do everything for them today, or ASAP, to the best of my ability. No more regrets, and no more lost opportunities (hopefully)!

05-Nov-2020 15:29:23

Thunder Jinx
Feb Member 2010

Thunder Jinx

Posts: 15,906 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
When I was 3-4 years old my mother and 3 of my grandparents passed away. I wasn't really old enough to know what was going on or remember it, so I wouldn't really say I have any experience with losing someone. Only experience in living without loved ones.
Darkness rises when silence dies.

05-Nov-2020 16:50:33

CM Arbor

CM Arbor

Local Moderator Posts: 1,945 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thunder Jinx said :
When I was 3-4 years old my mother and 3 of my grandparents passed away. I wasn't really old enough to know what was going on or remember it, so I wouldn't really say I have any experience with losing someone. Only experience in living without loved ones.

Sorry to hear that; sounds like a terrible situation, even if you don't remember it very much. My condolences for your losses, long ago though they may be.

05-Nov-2020 20:27:21

Jenesiis
Jan Member 2018

Jenesiis

Posts: 1,200 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
@CM Arbor

I sat with my mother when she died, and went through the funeral and felt comparatively calm. It wasn`t that I did not care, I did greatly. I just felt somewhat distanced from it, somehow watching it from one remove.

It was a year afterwards on the anniversary of her death when it hit me like a train coming, and I spent a day sobbing relentlessly. Grief can be very different and unpredictable.

06-Nov-2020 10:17:27 - Last edited on 06-Nov-2020 10:20:56 by Jenesiis

Rooh
Jan
fmod Member
2006

Rooh

Forum Moderator Posts: 40,589 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
After some discussion with other FMods we thought that for this week only, we're having two new stickied threads.

Both deserve it, and both deserve everyone's support.
Who's the cat that won't cop out when there's danger all about?

06-Nov-2020 11:43:16

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