RuneScape Forum Archive | Losing a Loved One

Jul

2005

C a z

Posts: 4,261 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

You and everyone on this thread have my heartfelt condolences CM Arbor "hugs"

I lost a brother in 2007 due to a OD. He wasn't found for about 4 weeks, so none of our family were able to visually ID him.

The pain of this loss still comes in waves, and can be unbearable.

I have lost quite a few Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents and have always had the opportunity to say goodbye. So I think the grief I feel over my brother is different not only because he was my brother, but beacuse of the circumstances of his death, and not being able to say 'goodbye'.

My Mum has stage 4 breast cancer, and i will post a message I put on my face book last year.

So tonight I was having a bath feeling worried, stressed, scared and sad.
2005 - my mum had her first Breast Cancer. She had a lumpectomy.
2016 - her breast cancer returned and this time she had a mastectomy.
2017 - yet again her breast cancer returned, only this time on her mastectomy scar line. Surgery removed the cancer.
2019 - more cancerous lumps on the scar line, only this time we found out it is stage 4, having spread to her right lung and chest wall. And is now not curable.
I am with her for all her appointments. And trying to be her support.
My mums last ct shows things are stable at the moment, for the time being, and everything is uncertain, nobody can say how things will progress.
I sat wallowing, until I thought about an Oncology appointment my mum had a few months ago.
A woman, probably mid 20's, with a child about 2 that appeared to be hers, came out from seeing the oncologist. She was in tears and upset, saying 'how could it come back in less than 1 year'. Her future no less certain than my mums! At such a young age.
I realised I need to be thankful that at 46 I still have my mum. I know others that have lost their mum much younger than I am. And many more children will.
So I will try and be greatful for all I have rather than dwell on what will be.

Remember Caz. Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

02-Nov-2020 18:52:47

Jul

2005

C a z

Posts: 4,261 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Cont:

There is no right/wrong way to cope with grief, we all do it differently.

My thoughts are with anyone struggling. Remember Caz. Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

02-Nov-2020 18:54:11

Maynne

Forum Moderator Posts: 52,416 Emerald Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

My father was a victim of heart attack, September 27 last year.

Heart attack is a horrible disease compared to cancer, given we have no chance to say goodbye. It is quick death, he just slept the night of September 26 and experienced the attack while sleeping - he is already dead when we found-out what happened overnight.

I dearly miss him, he is the reason why I'm into technology today. At the age of 7, he brought me to the company he works for every Saturday just to play with beige corporate computers.

03-Nov-2020 01:03:30

Jul

2005

C a z

Posts: 4,261 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Maynne said :
My father was a victim of heart attack, September 27 last year.

Heart attack is a horrible disease compared to cancer, given we have no chance to say goodbye.

!!! I think that is very subjective. There is no comparing.

Really surprised by your post tbh.

And to me, saying goodbye can be done when someone has passed. Remember Caz. Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

03-Nov-2020 01:15:12 - Last edited on 03-Nov-2020 01:42:45 by C a z

Jul

2005

C a z

Posts: 4,261 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Inspire you said :
FiFi LaFeles said :
grief is our own private little Hell,

This is for me so true.

Sudden deaths are hard because you get to have no time to start the grieving process.

Yet some illnesses help you to start grieving before the person has passed.

It all depends on the person as to which is easier to cope with.

Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to 'be' in the moment. Remember Caz. Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

03-Nov-2020 01:55:08

Haukur

Posts: 1,384 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

For me the hardest loss I ever had to deal with, was the loss of my mother. I had just returned back state side from my second tour of duty in Vietnam, when my baby sister told me the news. They say she had a stroke in her sleep.

It took me a while to get over it. After having taught myself how to lock out grief and loss, yes a soldier has to be able to do that on the battle field, that was one loss I was not able to block. Don't ever think the reason I am peaceful is because I do not know how to be violent.
Ekki hugsa alltaf að ég sé friðsælt vegna þess að ég veit ekki hvernig á að vera ofbeldi.

03-Nov-2020 05:30:32

Dong U Dead

Posts: 29,016 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

I lost a son to suicide, it tough, I miss him daily, some days deeper than others <3 It's his birthday next week <3

Someone types on my keyboard during the night, the other night it was like they were banging the keys very loud and rough just to wake me up

I often lay there listening to the keyboard typing away like a professional wondering who it is. I feel like opening up word pad to see if any messages appear, it would be interesting to find out what they are typing. I wonder if this is my son trying to communicate with me??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I went to a little two year old funeral many, many years ago, I was one of her carers in an early childhood center. We were close, very close. I broke down at her funeral, just all these tears and noises came out of me, it was tough - I feel children's funerals are the hardest...

If fat means flavour then I'm ******* delicious!

03-Nov-2020 16:04:38 - Last edited on 03-Nov-2020 16:08:55 by Dong U Dead

Dong U Dead

Posts: 29,016 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

I feel very sad for people that have lost loved ones this year and due to Covid-19 not being able to visit them before passing, not being able to travel to the country or city where they reside, not being able to go to their funeral. On top of the grief they already have, they have to accept or deal with not being beside them, with them this I feel would be an extra burden to deal with - it's just wrong on so many levels...

In NZ there are families who have been fined sneaking out of isolation to visit their dying relatives... This is just heartbreak...

If fat means flavour then I'm ******* delicious!

03-Nov-2020 16:21:20

Sep

2005

Megycal

Posts: 18,097 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Maynne said :
My father was a victim of heart attack, September 27 last year.

Heart attack is a horrible disease compared to cancer, given we have no chance to say goodbye.

Having lost loved ones suddenly due to things like a heart attack and others due to cancer I have to say they are
both
truly horrible but in different ways. I cannot say one is worse than the other.

03-Nov-2020 16:34:16

CM Arbor

Local Moderator Posts: 1,945 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Thanks everyone for posting about your own experiences, and for your kind words regarding my own loss. I really appreciate the good vibes and condolences from all of you, as well as the courage you're showing to step up and talk about these incredibly tough moments in our lives. My heart goes out to all of you and your loved ones, and I'm sending you guys good vibes and love right back!

The not knowing how to feel phase seems to be over now; it's been a lot of downward trend in the last few days, thinking about my dad and truly processing that he's gone. Maybe my original post is what set it off, who knows? Coupled with my pre-existing mental health issues, it's definitely not been a pleasant time, but it somehow also feels good to be properly feeling things now, or at least feeling what I thought I ought to be.

Do any of you have significant regrets regarding any loved one's passing? For me, I have a few. One is pretty standard, being that I wish I'd spent much more time getting to know my dad throughout his life. The other is a little more silly, but important to me: I deeply regret never getting the opportunity to cook for my dad. He was always the one undertaking impressive cookery when I was a kid, being in charge of Thanksgiving turkey, incredible barbecue, and all kinds of other things, and I really think that love of cooking was one thing he passed on to me (and one of few things we connected on), though I only discovered it in the past few years and came into my own with it in the last year or so. I wish I could've learned so much more from him particularly in that regard, and that we could've spent more time barbecuing together, and that I'd had the privilege to get him to taste my crazy food. I know in my heart he'd love it, and it kills me that he'll never get to taste it. It's a silly thing to regret so much, maybe, but my heart aches thinking about it.

04-Nov-2020 19:01:23

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Losing a Loved One