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Kings Abbot

Kings Abbot

Posts: 10,754 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Warning: Transmission intercepted
Date: July 15th 2018
Time: ERROR - PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR TIME ZONE FIRST TO TURN TIMES FROM OTHER TIME ZONES INTO YOUR OWN LOCAL TIME
Source: Saturn

Captain's Log of Kings Abbot
Stardate: 12-07-18

After arriving at Ceres in the asteroid belt in the evening, I quickly found a mechanic while my rental ship was being refueled. Paying for the fuel and ship is luckily done when returning it back to CheapSpace Rental Service as you can only refuel at their refueling stations (which charge more than other refueling services of course) and keep a record of it.

It was quite difficult to get the mechanic to understand the problem since I couldn't understand its language (I don't know how to see what gender an alien is when it has 17 tentacles all around it's perfect spherical body without any holes or even eyes, if it even has a gender in the first place). I really can't describe the sounds it made, and since I could feel vibrations and got a nosebleed after a while, most of the sounds were either below or above the human hearing. Unfortunately I have no Babelfish I can stick in my ear to translate for me, and I was unable to find one either.

Finally, it pointed with one of its tentacles to the satelite dish on the side of the ship and when I nodded and pointed as well, it took something totally, except for a small bit, unlike a hammer, climbed up the side of the ship and hit the satelite dish once with the tool. It climbed down again, put the tool away and held out a tentacle in a certain way that implies 'Pay me'. I tried to give it a flier for Bwian's, but it refused by shrieking violently, giving me a huge headache. The only other thing I had on me was a piece of chocolate, and it seemed to accept it after 'tasting' it with some of its tentacles. Then, it left, leaving me puzzled and slightly sceptical. I'll test if the wifi works tomorrow after spending the night in a local hotel.

Transmission ended Kings Eastwood in
THE GLOOP , THE BWIAN , and THE WIKI
music by Trewavio Morricone
YOU-KNOW-WHO
,
GO
YOU-KNOW-WHAT
YOURSELF!

15-Jul-2018 20:14:40

Kings Abbot

Kings Abbot

Posts: 10,754 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Warning: Transmission intercepted
Date: July 16th 2018
Time: ERROR - PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR TIME ZONE FIRST TO TURN TIMES FROM OTHER TIME ZONES INTO YOUR OWN LOCAL TIME
Source: close to Saturn

Captain's Log of Kings Abbot
Stardate 13-07-18

The day started very good. The hotel I rented a room for the night accepted the flyer for Bwian's as payment after I said it was a very unique piece of paper worth a lot of money. Some aliens can be as stupid as humans, can you believe it? It's just a hand-written paper saying 'Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop: #1 in causing grief and #58401926469101725502817103746 in selling towels if we wanted to', and I have some more in my pockets I casually drop here and there.
By the way, the majority of space traffic in the solar system is actualy caused by aliens who want to see our stupidity and primitivity. We're practically livingin a zoo, although the interest mostly goes to Trump, North Korea and especially creationists. For some reason, some aliens even do human cosplay if their anatomy allows dressing up and talking English like humans. I already asked myself why I wasn't stared at everywhere, and asked someone who looked like he was poorly dressed like a human. He didn't even give me a weird look. At least I blend in and they don't bother me.

Damn that tentacled sphere! The wifi is still down! I could have known. Odly enough, I suddenly got the message that there was an update for the operating system Windows 42 (which shows how primitive we really are). During the refuelling, CheapSpace made connection with the ship to check on its status and such. The ship must have used this connection to download the update, bypassing the broken wifi.

The update says it will need at least half a day to install since the hardware of the ship is so old and broken (damn you again CheapSpace!) and will disable several services (like the microwave) during the installation, so I'll install it overnight.

Transmission ended Kings Eastwood in
THE GLOOP , THE BWIAN , and THE WIKI
music by Trewavio Morricone
YOU-KNOW-WHO
,
GO
YOU-KNOW-WHAT
YOURSELF!

16-Jul-2018 10:58:12

Kings Abbot

Kings Abbot

Posts: 10,754 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Warning: Transmission intercepted
Date: July 16th 2018
Time: ERROR - PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR TIME ZONE FIRST TO TURN TIMES FROM OTHER TIME ZONES INTO YOUR OWN LOCAL TIME
Source: somewhere between Jupiter and Saturn

Captain's Log of Kings Abbot
Stardate 14-08-18

Since I was getting close to Jupiter yesterday evening, I decided to install the update for Windows 42 after I got past Jupiter. You don't want your navigational computer and autopilot disabled right before taking a gravitational slingshot around a massive object with 20+ moons circling around it. That was some good thinking since both were actually disabled during the installation, as was the microwave, the fridge (too small to put anything in there) and the toilet. I went to sleep when a loading bar a meter wide was projected on the main window (the equivalent of a windscreen in a car) with a progression of about a few milimeter every minute.

When I woke up near lunch time, everything worked fine, and there was a single message on one of the monitors. It said:
'Dear user, some malware is detected that makes the use of wifi impossible. This was implemented on purpose by CheapSpace Rental Services, and this update was made deliberately to counter that. Do you want to counter the malware? Note: it could be that CheapSpace counters our actions in the near future.'
Damn CheapSpace! I selected the 'yes'-option, and after half a minute, I had my wifi back! Time to check on Bwian's!

To clarify: I took my own towel with me, the shop's towel (probably the one I gave you at the end of GRIEF) should still be around. If it isn't, it isn't my fault. Perhaps an unhappy costumer took revenge?
Also, I didn't take the fish, it's just a saying. The fish was starting to smell anyway, you don't want that smell in a spaceship you'll spend ten days in. Maybe an animal ate the fish? We shoud start looking for grizzly bears, sea lions, bald eagles and dolphins within our ranks!

Transmission ended Kings Eastwood in
THE GLOOP , THE BWIAN , and THE WIKI
music by Trewavio Morricone
YOU-KNOW-WHO
,
GO
YOU-KNOW-WHAT
YOURSELF!

16-Jul-2018 20:45:12

Kings Abbot

Kings Abbot

Posts: 10,754 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Warning: Transmission intercepted
Date: July 17th 2018
Time: ERROR - PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR TIME ZONE FIRST TO TURN TIMES FROM OTHER TIME ZONES INTO YOUR OWN LOCAL TIME
Source: near Jupiter

Captain's Log of Kings Abbot
Stardate 15-07-18

Although I answered to two posts in my previous log entry, I couldn't send it because the ship can't find the wifi broadcaster on Earth because it is too far away. All I can do is download this thread because that is what I programmed the wifi broadcaster to broadcast into space. The problem is in the ancient hardware of the ship (damn you for the umpteenth time CheapSpace!).

I arrived early this morning on Enceladus before the morning rush hour, and to my greatest surprise, there were costumers inside my sandwich shop! Technically, they just hijacked the airlock so they could enter without the key and set up camp inside the pressurized shop. The aliens looked like Ewoks and were actually quite friendly after I persuaded them that I meant them no harm (they luckily learned English when they actually played Ewoks for George Lucas' Return of the Jedi).

Their previous colony on another moon of Saturn got infected by a vicious mold, and they found my abandoned shop to be the perfect place to start anew. They told me they were the best engineers in the system and could fix anything, they already brought back internet to the shop by tricking the internet company they were being paid for it with a simple hack.

I had something they wanted and they could help me, so I made them a preposition: I would gift them my shop if they 1) fixed my ship (wifi, small fuel tank, hardware etc.) and 2) tell anyone they meet to go to Bwian's and give them one of the flyers I made earlier. They happily agreed and fixed everything on my ship, refuelled it fully and even removed the tracking systems installed by CheapSpace (they actually designed it) so the ship basically became mine. Hah! Take that CheapSpace!

Transmission ended Kings Eastwood in
THE GLOOP , THE BWIAN , and THE WIKI
music by Trewavio Morricone
YOU-KNOW-WHO
,
GO
YOU-KNOW-WHAT
YOURSELF!

17-Jul-2018 11:32:15

FiFi LaFeles

FiFi LaFeles

Posts: 24,106 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Soooo, we are to be bereft of a key member of the team and will need to find a new Chief Accountant.

Technically it shouldn't be too difficult, given that both our income and expenditure are zero due to Corugi embezzling everything. However, we need to someone of certain moral fibre, someone made from the right stuff .

All entries on a postcard, please.
Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

18-Jul-2018 09:34:00

Kings Abbot

Kings Abbot

Posts: 10,754 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Warning: Transmission intercepted
Date: July 18th 2018
Time: ERROR - PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR TIME ZONE FIRST TO TURN TIMES FROM OTHER TIME ZONES INTO YOUR OWN LOCAL TIME
Source: Asteroid Belt

Captain's Log of Kings Abbot
Stardate 18-07-18

With my wifi now perfectly in working order, I have been slowly sending my log entries in the direction of Bwian's in case someone is interested. And no, I am not on holiday.
To Fifi: I haven't been to Blackpool, although I have heard of its famous pier and Christmas lights. It would take too much time to reach it easily from Belgium with the car however, I needed already half a day to drive to Eastbourne two years ago with the change of local time already in my favour.

Nothing interesting happened between leaving Enceladus with my former shop in the caring paws of the Ewoks (their original name is impossible to pronounce for humans) and now heading for the Asteroid Belt. This explains the lack of log entries, not my laziness.
Although this ship is mine, I will share it with the rest of you of Bwian's if you promise not to damage or do crazy stuff with it. It's not possible to repair it on Earth, and stealing a new one might not work. We could keep it behind the shop with a NOP-field (Not-Our-Problem-field) around it to hide it, people (and Elon Musk) would freak out if they saw a spaceship the size of a five-storey building capable of leaving Earth's gravitational pull using less than 0.01% of its total fuel (pretty neat, isn't it?).

It might be handy to park the ship above a hole so the very hot exhaust can go someplace where it wouldn't harm anyone or anything during landing or takeoff, so to Peeperwop: are you willing to dig a hole with a diameter of four meters and at least thirty meters deep somewhere in the yard behind Bwian's by Friday afternoon? Much appreciated! You could lead it to the end of the lift shafts to burn any survivers easily without needing a stake or firewood!

Transmission ended Kings Eastwood in
THE GLOOP , THE BWIAN , and THE WIKI
music by Trewavio Morricone
YOU-KNOW-WHO
,
GO
YOU-KNOW-WHAT
YOURSELF!

18-Jul-2018 15:42:12

Corugi

Corugi

Posts: 19,109 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Kings Abbot said :
Nothing interesting happened between leaving Enceladus...

Meanwhile, near the orbit of Phobos, along with a hired fleet of Silastic Armorfiends, Corugi waits... I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

19-Jul-2018 11:14:58 - Last edited on 19-Jul-2018 11:16:25 by Corugi

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