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Corugi

Corugi

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Peeperwop said :
I would like to submit my application for one of the maintenance department openings. I feel as though you will find my experience to fit this job perfectly.

Experience:
- None
- Digging holes
- I once owned a bath towel that caught fire, so I dug a hole next to a weird looking rock in the ground and set it on some wood container I found

If I am hired, expect plenty of holes to be surrounding the shop, I do not plan on refilling them.

As your experience is vastly greater than our own I feel you should have become the shop manager. However, since our shop is run along anarchistic-communist principles we have no hierarchy. Or organization. Or even a chair in our office. Which lacks even the most basic office equipment, such as doors, walls and a ceiling.

Therefore I am pleased to announce that your application for the maintenance department is entirely successful. That's if one can count working in the abysmal and extremely high risk conditions as successful.

Furthermore we have noted your dedication to digging holes. I foresee a great future ahead of you at Bwian's. We have many uses for such holes. I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

08-Jul-2018 09:33:13 - Last edited on 08-Jul-2018 09:55:09 by Corugi

FiFi LaFeles

FiFi LaFeles

Posts: 24,106 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I'm not sure I find your remuneration package altogether appealing. However, I'll give it a trial period so long as I get to keep all the manufacturers' free samples.

So what is the point of this (no doubt) dreadful outfit apart from not selling towels. And digging holes?
There probably isn't a point, which is actually quite delightfully pointless.

Btw, I capped at the Citadel this week so you need to PM me with the "Well done" etc. obligatory congratulations on fulfilling my slavish duties. I will be mortally offended if you don't.
Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

08-Jul-2018 12:00:01

FiFi LaFeles

FiFi LaFeles

Posts: 24,106 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Incidentally, how do you propose to handle the recruitment issue?

I personally no longer favour the "you've posted on this thread so you're in" approach adopted for that last horrible iteration of anarchy. Too much riff-raff slithered in.

I think there should be a strict vetting procedure, with almost impossible requirements in relation to I.Q., personal grooming standards, commitment to the cause (whatever that is) and ability to make realistic birdlike shapes from bits of paper.
Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

08-Jul-2018 13:05:24

Kings Abbot

Kings Abbot

Posts: 10,754 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Ah! Good to be back (sort of). Traveling up and down between Earth and Enceladus is very tiring. Unfortunately, there is no use for tires during the trip nor in my sandwich shop. I better started a tire shop there instead of a sandwich shop, nobody there seems to like them, including me! And I kind of missed the epic finale of GRIEF, searching safety on a moon of Saturn was maybe a bit overkill, I would have seen it happen on Earth's moon, and my sandwich shop would have haf some more costumers since humans have figured out how to get there in one piece.

Will you pay me if I advertised for Bwian's Towel and Grief Shop in my sandwich shop on Enceladus? It would at least give me some sort of income since my sandwich shop is close to bankruptcy. (Did I spell that correctly? Meh... Who cares. At least you don't, Corugi, since I don't recall you spelling my name correctly even once!)

We could use Peeperwop's holes as traps to keep away possible costumers who think they can buy towels here. Traps that consist of a very deep hole with pointy sticks placed vertically on the bottom of the hole.
Or traps that consist of a deep hole with a vicious beast in it.
Or traps that consist of a deep hole filled with dangerous chemicals like liquid air/nitrogen/helium or Grignard reagents, or trifluoromethanesulphonic acid, or mercury-ethane, or butyl lithium, or plutonium, or sodium chloride at reflux temperature.
Or traps that consist of a deep hole with rotting bodies of victims of dangerous diseases in it.
Or traps that consist of a deep hole with a whip on the bottom and a note saying 'here's the whip, kindly flog yourself until you die because we can't be bothered to do it ourselves, not selling towels is a serious business'. Kings Eastwood in
THE GLOOP , THE BWIAN , and THE WIKI
music by Trewavio Morricone
YOU-KNOW-WHO
,
GO
YOU-KNOW-WHAT
YOURSELF!

08-Jul-2018 18:03:37

FiFi LaFeles

FiFi LaFeles

Posts: 24,106 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Ikr !! What a trapeze travesty that would have been.

You look like a nicely groomed sort of gal, Molly. I'm sorry to inform you that you have just been annexed and are now one of Bwian's Towels.
Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

08-Jul-2018 22:56:07

Molly Weazly
Jul Member 2008

Molly Weazly

Posts: 4,686 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
FiFi LaFeles said :
Incidentally, how do you propose to handle the recruitment issue?

I personally no longer favour the "you've posted on this thread so you're in" approach adopted for that last horrible iteration of anarchy. Too much riff-raff slithered in.

I think there should be a strict vetting procedure, with almost impossible requirements in relation to I.Q., personal grooming standards, commitment to the cause (whatever that is) and ability to make realistic birdlike shapes from bits of paper.

I..I..I thought there was a vetting process...impossible requirements...origami talents...!

The only possible requirement I could meet would be the impeccable grooming, if you don't mind gray streaks in the hair, crooked teeth and impossibly gnarled knitted sweaters.

09-Jul-2018 04:43:28

FiFi LaFeles

FiFi LaFeles

Posts: 24,106 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Ah you were vetted, you see. Last Tuesday at about 4am our Recruiter had a good ole poke around the inside of your dustbin, declared it to be immaculately tidy and no contraband, and thus you are in.

Was actually thinking of making you Manageress of the Gnarly Sweaters department.
Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

09-Jul-2018 08:22:13

Corugi

Corugi

Posts: 19,109 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
FiFi LaFeles said :
So what is the point of this (no doubt) dreadful outfit apart from not selling towels. And digging holes?

I am sure the point will come to us eventually. To you actually. I have just put you in charge of figuring out the reason for our existence.

In the meantime we make money by disposing of unwanted bodies. I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

09-Jul-2018 08:23:44 - Last edited on 09-Jul-2018 08:25:57 by Corugi

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