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The number of phone calls in this chapter is too ____ (I'm trying to steer away from saying the d word and "oh my good (with one o)" as best as I can ) high! Roses are grey, violets are grey, I'm in Pompeii, I'm lost.

08-Jul-2014 22:42:31

Part (Oh, God, I lost track)

Schmitty: GAH!!! What's with all the Guthix damn bees *75 angry wasps sting Schmitty in the balls* OWOWOWOWOWOW!!!
Bumble bees: BUMBLE FOR BUMBLE THE BUMBLE QUEEEEEEEN!!!!!!! *50 bumble bees Sting Schmitty in the neck*
Schmitty: Albert, Frank****, HELP?? Oh and how are you this calm?
DJ: No you can handle it, Schmitty. Go on, Use that bad boy persona that you are famous for...
Nah: I will only help you if you kiss me Schmitty...
Frank: we're calm because we have armor that protects us from bee stings.
Schmitty: Didn't your mom tell you that every once in a while, you get a bee that is much smarter than her bee siblings? *hornet stings Schmitty* Oh Guthix.. *passes out*
Bumble bee: hmmm Bumble bee bumble thinks bumble these bumble humans bumble use bumble armor..
other bumble bees: *an entire team of bumble bees bring out a jar of hydroflouric acid and dumps it on the white knight armor *armor dissolves*
Albert Dj, Frank, Johnny, And Patsy at the same time: Oh FML!!!
*Bees start stinging the white knights * *Nah hides in a stream*
Narrator: COWARD!!! Narrator brands the word "Coward" on her neck
*Frank passes out after 900 Bee sings Black* (must BEE because he is black. JK)
*Albert passes out after 40 bee stings* (such a whimp!)
* Johnny passes out before he is even stung* (It's just a Damn Flesh wound)
*Patsy gets stung in his brain* *dies*
Bees, Wasps and Hornets: Job's done *they all fly away*
Patrick: *comes out of the water with Nah*
Patrick: Nah, we're going to have to get some help!
Nah: We need Doctor Pedigree for this...
Patrick: actually here he comes right now!
Dr. Pedigree:*runs Holy hell! what did you guys do, disturb an entire bee nest?!
Patrick: Something like that...
Dr. Pedigree: Tell me...
Nah: the bees came out of nowhere after we kicked your guard hermit crab to the other side of the forest of doom
Dr. Pedigree: *Gives an ugly snarl and glares at Nah* Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

12-Jul-2014 03:47:12 - Last edited on 13-Jul-2014 22:40:10 by Pink 4 Twink

Dr. Pedigree: YOU LOT WERE THE ONES I HEARD SNEAKING ON MY LAWN LAST NIGHT!!
Nah: Please have mercy, sir, we did not wish to go foreward with Schmitty's plan!
Patrick: this can all be explained.. If you'd let us..
Doctor Pedigree: Oh! By ALL means! Please enlighten me!
Patrick: Schmitty had the idea to burgle your home and abscond with your research notes, He's that Leprechaun that you see knocked out.
Dr. Pedigree: Why On Runescape would you want my notes? To sell? My notes only detail my experiments on the zombie hermit crabs. They are worthless, Doctors do no harm, we do not place value on academia, furthermore, no one would buy them as there would be no use for the buyer. Even other doctors would not buy them, we collaborate, nothing more.
Patrick: please forgive us
Dr Pedigree: I don't allow my pride to deny others help. I hope you will understand later: Robbing the home of a scholar and healer... There is not much lower than that. You want to read my research notes? be my guest, you want help? you've got it.
Patrick: you mean it?
Dr. Pedigree: PROVIDED you do something for me afterwords.
Patrick: anything...
Dr. Pedigree: First let me help your friends *Doctor Pedigree picks up the five unconsious gang members by himself*
Patrick: What about Patsy?
Dr. Pedigree: it would be of no use to help him. he's... he's gone.
*Patrick and Nah start crying*
Dr. Pedigree: HIS DEATH IS ON YOUR HANDS!!!!! MAYBE YOU ALL SHOULD JOIN HIM!
Patrick: I think I'm going to be sick...
Dr. Pedigree: Nah, come here, I'm going to need help with the black man. he might not make it... the other nurses should be able to help the others
Nah: Of course.
Dr. Pedigree: Removing a stinger is easy, just pull it out. Apply this salve to the wound, It will ease the swelling *gives the salve to Nah* In this case, with 900 bee stingers inside himm he should be dead, *puts his hand on Frank's heart* but there is a heart beat still. it's faint, but it's there. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

13-Jul-2014 00:58:20

Dr. Pedigree: the priority would be removing the Japanese giant hornet stingers, These hornets are one of the worlds deadliest insects one sting could kill an elephant.
*Nah puts her hand near the stinger, but Dr. Pedigree puts his hand on hers and stops her*
Dr Pedigree: You wont want to do that, the stinger is very brittle, you'd make it impossible to take out without cutting the stinger out. Use tweezers
Nah: *pulls out 17 hornet stingers*
* A nurse comes to Pedigree to tell him that Schmitty has awoken from his unconsious state*
Nurse: He's not happy with Patrick... Schmitty is barragging him with cuss words, threats of death, promises of revenge against Patrick, It's quite unpleasant. I'll inform Schmitty of Patsy's death.
*Nurse leaves to tell Schmitty of Patsy's death*
*Back to Schmitty*
Schmitty: He's dead?!!!!!!!
Nurse: unfortunately.
Schmitty: BAH PATHETIC!
Nurse: Have some respect for- *Patrick interupts her*
Patrick: Nurse, Schmitty doesn't even know what respect is. Nor does he know how to show it. Or patience, or humanity, or self control, or courage for that matter, he does what suits him and him only.
Nurse: Well he sounds charming... *nurse leaves*
Schmitty: I only want adventure and thrill.
Patrick: at what cost? Schmitty, Two people have already died because of your selfishness.
Schmitty: that's their fault, not mine, I've spent 4000 years doing nothing but help young children store their farming equipment, I deserve a break from it.
Patrick: Oh! that s so like you: It's always "me, me, me" or "I deserve this, and I want that, and "hey, that girl is having a good day, I want her happiness"
Schmitty: It's not just happiness I want. I want food that don't make me sick. I want, water that aint cholera infested, I want clothes that don't have ticks or mosquito eggs in them. I want a decent life.
Patrick: Everyone wants that, though, Schmitty, but such luxuries are only fit for kings and queens. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

13-Jul-2014 01:30:52 - Last edited on 13-Jul-2014 01:32:28 by Pink 4 Twink

Schmitty: And are you in desire for such things, Patrick?
Patrick: Of course I am, It's just that I don't put every ounce of my being in acquiring wealth, furthermore, I don't take things by force, Remember when we were both teenagers and desired the same girl, Valencia
S**mitty: aye, a buxam lass with a nice ass. aye, We ended up liking each other.
Patrick: No, Schmitty. She liked me, but I wanted you to be happy for once, and let her know that you deserved her more than I. She loved me, I loved her, but we both agreed that you deserved YOUR moment of glory. and she went out with you, and quickly realized the mistake she made in choosing you, She left you not because she was "wanting a break from you" like she said. She realized how manipulative you were and left you so that she could be with me. She realized later that I reminded her too much of you, and she left me.
Schmitty: *starts crying* your saying that everything I knew about her was a lie?
Patrick: If you were to change your ways, you'd eventually find a woman who is attracted to you. The course you are taking will lead you to your ruin.
Schmitty: I had no idea... but I can't just go back, I'm a wanted murderer, furthermore, I want to finish this adventure.
Patrick: You juust want to live life, when life is thowing responsibility at you. You refuse to accept the fact that you are no longer a teenager, you had a respectable job, you left it, murdered your own boss, whom you were great friends with before he promoted you, in the process. You had friends, you had family, but you still do not know how to love or take responsibility.
Schmitty: leave me to my misery, Patrick
Patrick: fine, be that way... *turns around* I love you.
Schmitty: huh
Patrick: I love you, Schmitty
***mitty: I Lllll-gah!
Patrick: still can't say it, can you? *leaves*
Doctor Pedigree: it seems everyone- well... MOST of you are alive *stares at Patsy's corpse* Now in return, there is something I need from all of you. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

13-Jul-2014 02:00:49 - Last edited on 30-Jul-2014 00:33:32 by Pink 4 Twink

Patrick: Anything
Nah: I have a feeling that we won't like this...
Dr. Pedigree: It's nothing dangerous... Well, except for the occasional zombie hermit crab, the man-eating veg*tation, the occasional random explosions, the ents, the eight hundred varieties of Hunger swarms, and the occasional demented madman with a machete. Anyway, my wife, Elenore is suffering from crippling headaches and is begging for death as we speak. There is a hotspring somewhere in the forest of doom that is said to have magical healing properties. I need several pails of this water, so I can whip up a cure for these headaches. Nah, Patrick. I have a different task for you two
Patrick: OHH! What do you need?
Dr, Pedigree: I need some assistants to test a few drugs on. The drugs are potential tested cures for the zombie hermit crab pinch, which rapidly turns anything into undead vermin. I'm testing to see the doseage for humans
Schmitty: And what's to stop us from running away?
Dr. Pedigree: Funny you should ask... ELENORE GO GET WILLIAM!
*Elenore pushes William Shankspear into the room*
*William Shankspear is strapped into a strangulation device*
Dr. Pedigree: Should you happen to run off, I will personally strangle Sir William Shankspere, desecrate his corpse, rip him to pieces and feast on his entrails
Johnny: *speaks in morse code*
Albert Fish: He says that is the most evil thing that he has ever heard a doctor say... He also thinks that you are going to need a bigger pot so that when you do turn to a cannibalistic diet, you will be able to use the entire carcass.
On a personal note, can I join in on the eating of Sir Shankspear?? I've always wanted to feast on human flesh! :3
William: *gulp*
end of chapter 3 Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

25-Jul-2014 00:34:34 - Last edited on 25-Jul-2014 00:35:59 by Pink 4 Twink

When I read "Hunger swarms" I almost thought that said "Hunger Games"

Also the story turned away from a comedic to morbid turn in a flash But it's good how you're mixing up the reader's emotions so the story isn't all bland (it wasn't really, just that the type was always comedy, and sometimes it's good to turn to different types) Roses are grey, violets are grey, I'm in Pompeii, I'm lost.

29-Jul-2014 17:29:07 - Last edited on 29-Jul-2014 17:29:22 by Jimothey

So I'm guessing that Pincho The Hermit Crab Part 2 has turned bland, then? Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

29-Jul-2014 23:43:09

A hunger is a giant man eating insect that relentlessly hunts its prey- be it human or otherwise. They will hunt their prey to the ends of the world, if need be, As such, EVERYTHING avoids them, even the zombie hermit crabs, who want to turn everything into undead vermin. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

30-Jul-2014 00:40:22 - Last edited on 30-Jul-2014 02:00:42 by Pink 4 Twink

Chapter 4: Into Damnation
*Dr Pedigree kicks out Schmitty, Frank, Johnny, Albert, Deejay, and slams his door*
Dr Pedigree: Have fun! OH and try not to die or anything Sir Shankspear will be quite unhappy should you die.
William: You, good doctor, are the most vile fetid cretin to ever "grace" tis land. I mean really, kidnapping me and strapping me to this device, and then pretending to feign ignorance over something so simple... Unstrap me this instant or I shall stab you with my quill and write a really nasty curse on you with your life's blood.
Dr. Pedigree: Oh dear...
William: Oh and the look on your wife's face will be quite satisfactory when I ravage your wife OVER, and OVER, and OVER, as I make you watch!!!
*Doctor pedigree knocks William out*
*Back to Schmitty:
Schmitty: *We need to save William*
Deejay: Oh so you Finally care about someone!?
Schmitty: No but Shankspear doesn't deserve to be eaten.
Deejay: *sigh*
Frank: Now what are we going to do? The Forest of Doom is quite large, we'll never find the hotsprings without a guide.
Schmitty: I'd assume that it's somewhere deep within the forest,
*Schmitty gets Pinched in the nuts very hard by Pinchatoshi*
Pinchatoshi: Ha! me told you that me would pinch you hard! pinchpinch
***mitty: Not cool! give me one reason why I shouldn't kick you to the other side again?
Pinchatoshi: Pinchatoshi knows what you're looking for. pinchpinch
Albert: you're kidding me. Schmitty, do we have to trust this moronic hermit crab?
Pinchato***: It's either that or you deal with Shellroy, and trust me, NO ONE wants to deal with Shellroy!
Schmitty: Sorry kicking you back to the other siiide...
Pinchatoshi: Pinchatoshi knows where to find it.
Schmitty: *sigh* What do you say guys?
Deejay: as long as he doesn't pinch us, I'm for it.
Albert: Did I ever tell you guys how much I hate hermit crabs... D: no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!!
Frank: Honestly, though Albert, I don't think we have a choice Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

01-Aug-2014 05:34:48