Forums

Part 5
*Outside the prison walls*
Schmitty: Well, We made it*
**: That was reckless.
Patrick: but well played. That guy in the tower must have been trippin' major balls.
Schmitty: Yeah, you'd think the guy would be as sober as a dead man smoking crack.
Patrick: Dead people don't smoke crack.
Schmitty: That's the whole point
???: Hey wait up: *It's Grigor, Albert, And Johnny*
Patrick: Grigor?
Grigor: yep.
Patrick: you died.
Grigor: Just an illusion. Moderator "X" killed a magical duplicate. MOderator "X" has been trying to kill me for months. But make no mistake: Moderator "X" is an enemy of yours now.
Patrick: Seems like we have no Shortage of enemies. so where do we go from here.
Scottie: I still have contacts in Varrock. We could hide out there while we tend to our wounds... and our pride
Patrick: yeah. I want this experience forgotten forever
Scottie: Also, Schmitty, you said you need an army?
Schmitty: I never told you, did I?
Scottie: DJ told me. In short, I can get you one, I however need compensation, cant fund an army on pyss, and moonshine
S**mitty: you can fund an army on pyss?
Scottie: That's not the point! fact is soldiers need wages, you are going to need trillions of Gold Pieces.
Schmitty: you are in luck, I have quite a bit of gold: 7 billion Gp in fact
Patrick: he has a lot more than that. remember your most recent Grand Exchange scam?
Schmitty: Oh you mean the one where I took the gardening tools of thousands of whiney farmer noobs, put them on sale, and wrote to those noobs to cough over all their cash or I would confirm the deal with the buyer?
Patrick: yes that one.
Schmitty: and while in reality I had already confirmed the deal in advance. Oh that was brilliant.
Patrick: in short, he has enough.... And he is going to fork over ALL of his ill-gotten cash, or I'm going to take a huge sloppy **** in his Chicken sandwitch
Nah: um... Guys? I think I have some news: I think I'm.. Pregnant
Patrick: oh, really, congratulations! Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

18-Feb-2015 22:46:59

Nah: That's not What I'm worried about. I feel much weaker. like I'm about to *faints*
Schmitty: fall over?, We need to get her over to a doctor.
Dr. Pedigree: Did Someone say doctor?
Patrick: eeep! it's the ass hole that got us sent to prison! D:
Schmitty: you!
Dr. Pedigree: Did I do something wrong?
Schmitty: ' did I do something wrong' pah! wait... your serious.
Patrick: you don't remember my being your test subject?
Nah: or Raiping me?
Albert: or the delicious dinner you had with me? *thinks back to how William Shankspear tasted and drools*
Dr. Pedigree: nope, no memory of that whatsoever. I think I owe you an explanation.
Schmitty: oooh do tell.
Dr. Pedigree: I... um.. Have multiple personality disorder
Patrick: Doesnt really excuse what you did. Dr., I hate having to ask you, but Nah here thinks she's pregnant, could you give it a look?
Dr. Pedigree: sure. What I have is a solution that will turn bright pink if touched by a pregnant woman *Nah touches the solution but it turns bright purple
Dr. Pedigree: Well... I have good news and bad news, Nah.
Nah: what is it?
Dr. Pedigree: The good news is that you are pregnant. The bad news is that you won't live to see it grow up. The baby is going to kill you.
Nah: WHAT?! D:
Dr. Pedigree: It's draining your strength slowly,but surely it is going to kill you.
Nah: I don't want to die!
Dr. Pedigree: then you* consider an.
Nah: Absolutely not! That's just as dangerous, the fatality rate is too high.
Schmitty: oh by Guthix, Nah, I have just gotten you killed, I'm so sorry*
**: Schmitty? did you juust say you were sorry?
Albert: Albert thinks this is great news. you're starting to consider consequences, the killer fetus? not so much. * sees a 3 year old child wandering about with ou her parents* FREEEEEEESH*HH MEEEEEEEAT!! *jumps on the 3 year old, snaps her neck as he is jumping on her, makes a fire and cooks her and eats her
DJ: *sigh* I'm surrounded by psychopaths
*end of part 5, chapter 5, and act 1* Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

18-Feb-2015 23:14:40

Act II: War Begins Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

18-Feb-2015 23:15:26

Chapter 1: Building the Network
*In Varrock*
Scottie: and here we are, Phoenix Gang Headquarters, Just a second, I lost my key years ago. *rummages through his pockets and brings out a lockpick* *Starts picking the lock.
Schmitty: Is your contact a member of the Phoenix Gang?
Scottie: You ever hear of Kate the Evicerator?
Dj: Name sounds familiar, wasn't she a spy?
Scottie: for the Black Knights. Yes. The two organizations are merging. Phoenix provides the intelligence, Black Knights provide the military might.
Schmitty: so why did they merge?
Scottie: mutual respect goes both ways. Phoenix smuggled illegal weapons shipments to Black Knight Headquarters in the Desert.
Schmitty: and so they realized that they could be trusted, and they joined forces?
Scottie: No, it's never that simple. It took years of smuggling shipments to gain their trust. What changed was an attack on Black Knight Headquarters by Juntar Varze. It wasnt even a fair fight, Juntar strapped explosives onto children, lit the fuses and sent them straight into the walls where they blew up the walls. I was there, too, Juntar's tactical genious, however backfired. For there was one Black Knight that looked so much bigger than the others.
Schmitty: Dj, didn't you tell me this story?
Dj: Yes, but there was more to it. Whereas Scottie failed to get the hit on the Knight, Juntar did. Juntar's sword, Ranyell, is powerful enough to puncture the armor.
Scottie: It still didnt kill him. I have never seen anyone take a sword through the chest and not only survive the wound, but return to full strength with in seconds.
*Scottie picks the lock*
Schmitty: So what happened next.
Scottie: The Black Knight rallied what troops he had left. (over ninety per cent of the Black Knights in HQ were killed) that's about 4000 troops, and they kept pushing the White Knights back. Slowly, The Black Knight took back control of the battlefield. He personally killed three of Juntar's generals, 500 white knights Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

26-Feb-2015 15:18:04

And wounded me.
Schmitty: you mean the savage blow to the head..?
Scottie: yes. I was rendered unconsious. But Dj can finish the rest of the tale*
**: The Black Knight was the met with Black Knight Reinforcements from the east, towards Ardougne. someone apparently signaled them from the tower. This completely cut us off from white knight reinforcements as well as supplies from food to blankets. From the Back ranks. An enemy even we didnt think was a threat attacked our back ranks. The Phoenix gang, who, although they didnt have the numbers to attack head on, launched debris from trebuchet*, crushing the entire force utterly. Juntar fled, he's a coward. the remaining 40 troops were captured, and executed on the spot. before.
Scottie: I was also rounded up, having regained *****ousness, they were going to execute me right then and there, I gave the Tribiarch sign of distress, The Black Knight stopped the execution right there, and let me go.
Schmitty: What's the Tribiarch?
Scottie: It's an old information network. We disbanded three years ago. I can say no more about it. our secrets must never be known. The fact that you know it exists just shows how far I'm willing to trust you Schmitty.
Schmitty: Oh please, my word is garbage
Scottie: Um.. you're not going to tell anyone are you?
Schmitty: you have my word *moves his eyeballs suspiciously*
Patrick: So what happened next?
Scottie: Well I ran. And I ran. And I ran. 19 miles from Ardougne to Falidor being chased by wolves, bears, and hermit crabs.
*gets pinched by Pinchatoshi*
Scottie: YAOW
Pinchatoshi: Hah, pinchpinch me pinched you, now me get to tell my friends that me pinched a four star human general. they will be so impressed. pinchpinch. *throws a smoke bomb and runs for his life
Pinchatoshi: *as he is running* MUAHAHA
Scottie: Oh stupid crab
Narrator, yeah he just made me waste 342 characters for this post on the Rs story forums. Dat makes meh mad! Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

26-Feb-2015 15:35:59 - Last edited on 05-Mar-2015 03:30:04 by Pink 4 Twink

WE INTERRUPTS DIS AWESOME CHAPTER TO BRINZ YAZ DEM NEWS STUFF.... WIF LOZZ OF BEER

REDNECK NEWS HAS PLACED A BOUNTY FOR SCHMITTY FIT*PATRICK
Billy Dean: Dis just iin, 7 individuals have escaped from the world renowned jizery compound, Among dem is A Leprechaun taugeted for 'sassination named Schmitty Fit*patrick. He is presumed to be very dangerous. Also note that His personal pot of gold has many valuable jewels just ripe for plundrin' Now lets get to the news.
_________________________________________________________________
JD: IIt's time for the Weather Report!
Becca: That's right. for our souther viewers *looks at Billy and JD* we have decided to dumb it down. so let me begin. Points to a yellow sphere in a blue sky* This is called the sun.. It is VERY warm. it....
JD and Billy: ***********************ZZ BOOOOORING!!!!!!
Becca: Sigh. lets see you try then.
Billy: Right. This is called the sun. The sun is very warn. Da sun controls da weather on this pixelated computer that generates dis world. Da sun controlls da Water Cycle. When *water evaporates, it coalesces into clouds. Clouds are very fluffy, dey discharge rain, rain is very warm. But Rain aint dangerous lightning is. Lightning is caused when subatomic particles rub against each other. Redneck News has just confirmed three deaths as a result of this heinous crime by Guthix.
JD: DAAYATS ROT, BILLY. 152 year old Beartha Shocks was, hilariously, struck by lightning when she was walikng a newborn Pikachu down the block. no Pikachu did not murder her. 198 year old Gertrude Statickov was was struck 976 times in the face with lightning. Such a horrible death for a beautiful undead woman. 8sheds tears* And 200,000 year old Gertrude Agga Uugga Ug, a neanderthalic vampire zombie ***** was struck by lightning after being flung in the air by a slinky then struck by lightning before beng crushed to pieces by a giant space fist made of solid titanum, back to you Becca Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

05-Mar-2015 03:53:25

05-Mar-2015 17:52:31

Palleera, and Nah's Pregnancies weakening them would be a coincidence. Think back to Star Wars Ep III. Specifically Padme giving birth to Leyah and Luke. so yeah. Also it is maternal instinct for a dying pregnant woman to look out for her unborn child. Every one is going to consider Nah to be a nuisance. and she'll be looking for someone to take care of the child after her death. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

09-Mar-2015 15:05:44

Pink 4 Twink said :
Palleera, and Nah's Pregnancies weakening them would be a coincidence. Think back to Star Wars Ep III. Specifically Padme giving birth to Leyah and Luke. so yeah. Also it is maternal instinct for a dying pregnant woman to look out for her unborn child. Every one is going to consider Nah to be a nuisance. and she'll be looking for someone to take care of the child after her death. Ah. Also I don't know why the k in Pal*eera was censored Roses are grey, violets are grey, I'm in Pompeii, I'm lost.

09-Mar-2015 19:50:15 - Last edited on 09-Mar-2015 19:51:46 by Jimothey

Yeah, the censors are so annoying, the "Z" in Fit*patrick is censored as well. as will as the "M" and "R" in the abreviated "Mister" ( although I think I know why that is the case) friggin DJ's name is censored half the time, so I had to change the spelling to "Deejay". Jagex needs to
recalibrate its censors, it makes it nearly impossible to wriite without worrying
"Is this word going to be censored?" or "Is the "R" or the "X"
or the letter that comes after "Z" going to be
replaced with an asterisk.
end of rant Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

10-Mar-2015 03:54:17 - Last edited on 10-Mar-2015 04:00:43 by Pink 4 Twink