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Frank: Well, Let me tell you what these nymphomaniacs did to me. I was forced upon by a 16 year old White child.
Schmitty: that doesnt seem that bad.
Frank: he's also my cellmate
S**mitty: That's just wrong. Wait so when did this happen?
Frank: late at night, last night.
Schmitty: I've got to say that I've been forced upon just on the way up to my cell about 8 hours ago. By a 16 year old white kid. What did he look like?
Frank: he had long black dredlocks and a really bad looking beard
S**mitty: that's the guy that forced himself on me, This is crazy!
Patrick: I'm so glad that this hasn't happened to me... *gets forced upon by a goblin that fell out of the air duct*
Patrick: Oh come on! Schmitty! This is SO your fault!
Schmitty: yes yes. I'm sorry that you all were ***** by horrible horrible people yadda yadda yadda.
Patrick: yeah? And your* the worst of these whorable people
end of part 3 Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

03-Nov-2014 20:58:43 - Last edited on 05-Nov-2014 19:01:58 by Pink 4 Twink

Imma make a noob story Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

07-Nov-2014 01:38:44 - Last edited on 07-Nov-2014 02:46:09 by Pink 4 Twink

07-Nov-2014 03:55:20

*Lunch. Next day*
Schmitty: So, Grigor, Why exactly do they call you a "quack"
Grigor: Well you saw that I talk to ducks, But that's not how I got the nickname.
Schmitty: how did you get it?
Grigor: About twelve years ago, there was an attack on Varock, Grigor was out fishing, when he saw dust clouds off to the west. A whole horde of Barbarians, so, Grigor's best friend was there. he ran off to tell the Captain of the guard, I decided to face them down and buy him time, so I put up a magical barrier around the exit from the west side of the city, This would force them to go around and attack the front, alternatively, they could have attacked from the Wilderness entrance, Instead they tried to break the barrier by attacking me. Grigor did not appreciate that so heyelled out a terrible scream and the barbarians were turned into ducks the guards were confused. none of them said anything for a minute. "That kid just turned an invading army into ducks" said one guard "Yep, He's a quack" said another "A quack?" said another guard "Think of it, that scream sounded like the quack of a duck" "Oh.. now I get it" And from that moment on, they started calling me "Grigor The Quack.
Schmitty: That's utterly ridiculous!
Grigor: but true, nonetheless. So tell me, Schmitty, do you have any nicknames?
Schmitty: They called me "Schitty Schmitty" about 8000- 9000 years ago, when I was still in school, on account of my poor manners.
Grigor: you're that old?
Schmitty: Leprechauns live incredibly long lives, the oldest is Godfrey Dinglemur*hey, and he's 234,000 years old, in human years, In human years, he's only about seventy-two.
Gigor: so You're immortal? No one lives that long!
Schmitty: it's becoming less common, the longer we spend near humans, the shorter our lives get. We... quicken in the presence of lesser lived species.
Grigor: Is that Why Zanarris is so secret?
Schmitty: one of them Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

26-Nov-2014 04:14:57 - Last edited on 26-Nov-2014 04:54:27 by Pink 4 Twink

And we're not immortal, a blade through the chest would kill me, like it would anyone else.
Grigor: So why leave, your city?
Schmitty: I murdered my boss. There is only one company that Leprechauns are allowed to work for: the Toolshed Leprechaun Service, we work for our entire lives. That's an incredibly long time. few of us ever had choice in the matter. We're given the the Service upon birth, and the pay is crappy.
Grigor: that's terrible!
Schmitty: it actually gets worse: since the pay is so crappy, many of us take side jobs on the surface of Gielenor. in Addition to being a TLS slave, I was a con artist. An arms dealer, a drug runner, And a contract killer.
Grigor: wow, so do all Leprechauns get mixed up in that crap.
Schmitty: It is impossible to characterize an entire species based what one of that species does. My brother ran a trinket shop in Port Sarim on his off hours. I know another leprechaun, Kliara, who worked as a bartender at a pub in Port Sarim. Sometimes things would go missing. Beer glasses, Aged wine, her boss's jewelry, erotic literature, you name it, she stole it. Thing is, wherever a leprechaun goes, things go missing. I stole a famous painting from the Museum in Varrock, sold it on the black market; And just like that, I'm rich. So what did you do to be locked up?
Grigor: I joined the military at age 16, I faked my records. Saw combat, hated it, I used a bow, I became a prime target for archers, when I did fire a bow.
Schmitty: "when I did fire a bow?" what does that mean?
Grigor: I was a coward. I almost never used my weapon, my squad got killed because of it. I pulled out, when the battle was still raging near Falidor, intact, minus a few wounds in the arm from arrows. I fled north to Taverly with a third of our troops, our military had terrible discipline.
Schmitty: and they found you?
Grigor: no, I heard that we lost the battle, and convinced the rest of the deserters to turn themselves in. I was among them. I felt terrible Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

26-Nov-2014 04:42:39

Schmitty: Wouldn't you be on death row, then?
Grigor: Had Grigor not turned himself in, he would be. The General arrested me, court- marshaled me. I was found guilty of desertion, but the general was surprised at my willingness to turn myself in. I was given life in prison, instead, my parole comes up next year.
Schmitty: why turn yourself in?
Grigor: because I felt bad for losing the battle. I suspect, however, that the general is going to keep Grigor here for a long time. probably convinced the other generals to keep me imprisoned for life.
Schmitty: why not come with us?
Grigor: you'd let me do that?
Schmitty: anything is better than this place.
Grigor: right then. So in order to get Albert out of jail, there is one more thing to do.
Schmitty: what?
Grigor: you cant just fight today, you need to get each and every one of your friends to join the fight.
Schmitty: Right cause then we will all be thrown into solitary confinement.
Grigor: after you are in Solitary confinement, there is a good chance your garden sheers will be confiscated. one of my men will sneak a shiv into your cell, from there, you can raid the armory of weapons, and armor. If you are lucky, you'll find Albert there.
Grigor: be stealthy: A shiv cannot puncture armor, it is only useful as a lockpick
S**mitty: sounds good.
Grigor: I think it's time to get back to our cells.
end of part 4 Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

26-Nov-2014 04:52:06 - Last edited on 28-Nov-2014 23:26:14 by Pink 4 Twink

27-Nov-2014 17:02:07

*later that night*
Schmitty: *looks over in Patrick's cell*
Schmitty: psssst! Patrick!
Patrick: Schmitty, let me sleep!
Schmitty: It's important!
Patrick: oh, ok! um I hope you don't mind me without clothing on, I'm trying to get all the come stains out of my jumpsuit.
Schmitty: I won't look.
Patrick: fair enough. Now what's on your mind?
Schmitty: I've found a way for all of us to escape.
Patrick: you want to escape?!
Schmitty: I actually like it here, despite being ***** every day. I'm doing this for Albert. They're going to execute him tomorrow!
Patrick: well this is a pleasant surprise. You're actually thinking about something else besides yourself! I'm very impressed. What do we need to do?
Schmitty: Talk to Grigor about it, tomorrow at lunch. just follow me
goblin that forced himself on Patrick: I heard that, I'm telling the guards about your plan!
Patrick: Excuse me for a sec.
Patrick Goblin, I hear that guard over there has a nice loaf of rotten bread
Goblin: Rotten Bread?
Patrick: yes, rotten bread, and it will only appear once you go for the guard's weapon
Goblin: wait, . How will goblin know you are telling the truth?
Patrick: I shall recite Bandos's most holy prayer as a show of friendship: *ahem* Bandos,
our lord and savior, Grant this wayward son the peace he wants,
You gave him rotten bread and said
"my bread is yours, my life is yours.
you gave him terrible wine
and rusty swords so that he could do the least amount of damage in combat as possible.
you gave this goblin filthy clothing when he had clean clothing, cuz you hate his ******* guts!
you gave him herpes for the good of All of goblin kind!
Grant him the power to hit his enemy very hard
and for him to beat the life out of his enemy!
And when he dies, grant him the glory of Thatplacewheregoblinsliveaftertheydiesothattheycanfightthingsforeverandeverandever
Amen!
Goblin: yeah, I'm pumped! WHOO!
Patrick: Go get 'im!!
Goblin: WHOO *opens cell door*
Moderator"X": OH HELLZ NO! Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

06-Dec-2014 07:35:48 - Last edited on 23-Jan-2015 22:25:10 by Pink 4 Twink

Moderator "X": * Goblin Tries to unsheath The Moderator's machine crossbow/
*Moderator "X" flicks the Goblin and Get's a 1 hit KO*
Patrick: Ha! What a stupid Goblin
Moderator "X": By the way, I am here to remind you that no one escapes this prison. As a reminder, I have siezed Grigor The Quack *holds up someone who looks exactly like Grigor* Poison words create poison deeds, so I have no choice *nails him to the wall and shoots him 75 times*
Schmitty: NOOO! Dammit *Gets tapped on his shoulder* who *turns around* *It's Albert Fish. Standing behind Albert is Johnny*
Albert: Albert just wants you to know that albert is here. here. Albert gives you a saw to grind away at the bars
Schmitty: How'd you escape?
Johnny: *Talks in Morse Code*
Albert: Johnny says that the guards were scared to come near Albert's cell. Albert keeps ripping people apart and eating them, It's quite delicious, This one thinks you should try human flesh. it's absolutely delicious.
Schmitty: no that sounds disgusting... And whats with your mannerisms
*Johnny speaks in Morse code*
Scottie: no.. tell me that isn't true.
Schmitty: What is it?
Scottie: Johnny says that Albert contracted syphilis. In it's final stages syphilis drives people completely insane.
Albert: This one can still function, this one brings you each saws so that you can
Moderator "X": I'm still here, you know. As warden I hereby call a lockdown Guards! Arrest that cannibal!
Guard: I'm not going anywhere near Albert Fish!
Guard2: he's scary, I want my blankie!
Guard3: I want to keep my body together, sir
Guard4: I'll get him four you *has a heart attack and dies*
Guard5: NOO HE WAS OUR LAST BEST HOPE!
Guard 6: no.. there is another.... and it is not I
Moderator "X" Oh for the love of Jagex arrest him already!
Guards1-7: NO!
Moderator X: Ok carry on, *looks at Schmitty* This isn't over! Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

12-Feb-2015 23:39:59

*Moderator "X" teleports himself back to his quarters*
Schmitty: Okay, people, we have no time to sleep, lets grind our way through the bars that connect us to the outside *throws the other saws to his friends*
* 9 hours of cutting through the metal bars later*
Schmitty: YES! got it! how are you guys doing?
DJ: Hehe. what took you so long *Shows Schmitty the Machine he built * It cut them far faster that you did!
Scottie: just about... *Saw breaks* dammit *kicks the bars apart* there
Patrick: *melts the bars with his fire breath
S**mitty: you can breath fire?
Patrick: No. But the habanero chili and big red gum that I had got to me though *burps fire on his cell mate*
Schmitty: I might need to use you as a flame thrower, man.
Frank: *shatters the metal by screaming*
Schmitty: damn that's loud. how are you able to do that?
Frank: I'm the world champion at screaming. I was also in a death metal band.
Nah: didnt need the saw, I could just slip through. I'm in Gymnastics.
Schmitty: Okay lets get out of here
*1 minute later
S**mitty: Okay Patrick, melt the fence
*Patrick melts the fence the gang run out of the prison. they are also being chased by 14 guards*
* Frank Screans and shatters the guards' weapons and armor
*Patrick burps fire onto the guards*
*Meanwhile in a nearby Mortar tower*
Redneck Prison Explosives Expert: Well YEYEEEEEEHAWWW!! Ah've gat some people to shoot! * loads mortars into the mortar cannon and fires at Schmitty* *misses and hits Moderator "X" headquarters, luckily Moderator "X" isnt there*
*Fires again* *misses because the wind blew it into the prison walls, blowing gigantic hole in the wall, allowing 2500 prisoners to run amok *fires again* blows a hole in the tower behind him, blowing guards off the tower and onto the ground
Redneck Prison Explosives Expert: Damn it! too drunk.. NEEED SOMETHING STRONGER! *Drinks rubbing alcohol* *fires again, but by this time Schmitty and gang are long gone. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

13-Feb-2015 00:07:06 - Last edited on 13-Feb-2015 19:01:47 by Pink 4 Twink