Alright, Worf. A little bit late, perhaps, but things to tend to get in the way.
I love Tolkien a great deal, which as it turns out, ended up being bad for you. While I have no problem with fan fiction, and I undoubtedly missed some things in the first instalment of the tale, I could not help but feel that your characterization was u*befitting for a king of Gondor, which was unfortunate, but not fatal.
What was fatal was using Morgoth as your antagonist. Whether you've somehow accounted for his decrease in power from an elemental evil, capable of defying all other Valar, or not, you cannot account successfully for his return. He was banished absolutely, thrust through the Door of Night and into the void, never to return until the end of all things. You have flaunted very severely a basic rule of the universe that you're "borrowing" for your text, and I can't overlook that. Besides, it's lazy. Make up your own villain; it's not like there weren't enough survivors of Mordor for you to have trouble finding someone to play opposite, of all people, the king of Gondor.
Your grammar and spelling was fundamentally sound, which is good, though you should be careful with your use of semicolons; you misused quite a few.
Overall, I can't overlook the poor characterization and flaunting of the basic rules of the world in which you're trying to write. You set yourself a high standard, trying to imitate Tolkien, and unfortunately you fell well short.
As such, I accept you into The Amethyst Library with the rank of Scribe.
31-Jul-2011 05:55:46
