Alright, Coz. Here goes.
In perfect honesty, this story did not live up to my expectations; while the plot is an interesting play on an old sci-fi mainstay (robots destroying humanity), the execution was clumsy. There were many grammatical errors, including some redundant statements and the general unacceptable use of homophones in the place of each other (reigned instead of rained, for one) and lazy typos.
What really let you down, though, was your crafting of language, which is paramount in short story writing. Your syntax was repetitive in places, and poor in others. The words did not flow well in general, and especially in dialogue. I did a double take when I realized the operator was actually a human; the dialogue was so robotic, I thought it was done for effect.
The biggest issue with the story is that it should be immersive, with the reader feeling what the character feels, since his emotions form the backbone of the story. Unfortunately, between the stilted writing and awkward forcing of facts into what should have been the emotional ****** of the story, this effect is not realized. I do not feel sorry for him, in the end; I do not feel sad about the fact that humanity was destroyed by an avoidable accident. I feel, really, nothing.
On a somewhat different note, I was very surprised to see that you had posted what you consider a fully edited copy when there were still so many clumsy errors that a simple proofreading should have identified.
You have achieved the rank of Scribe of The Amethyst Library.
19-Jun-2011 09:40:17
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