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NovelistElly

NovelistElly

Posts: 2,603 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
×Chapter 4×
×Recollection and Premonition×
“Fight me, coward.”
“No! I already said I do not have time to fight with you! I am waiting for a stronger opponent and you would not be worth the effort it would take to kill you,” Adam tried to deter the man with the raspy voice.
The cloaked figure’s voice resonated with the sound of wind whispering over sandpaper, “Fight me, and then die.”
“If you really want to kill yourself just go jump off a cliff!"
"Fight me. You will kneel at my feet.”
“You know what? You are making it really hard to not want to kill you,” Adams face scrunched as he glared at the crooked man. He was wearing the red robes of a devout Zamorak worshipper, except lined with gold thread. Around his neck there was an unholy symbol that resembled two horns. His eyes were soulless orbs peering out from under a thick leather lined hood and on the back of his cloak there was a silver symbol of Zamorak. His bow appeared to be a simple shortbow, made of simple, inexpensive materials and was strung with a red bow string. The bow was adorned with illegible runes and glyphs of many different varieties. The arrows in his quiver were tipped with rune covered in a green substance. He did not appear very spectacular.
Adam pondered his options for a moment, “Fine, I will fight you, if only to get you to leave me alone.”
“That is all I have asked,” Replied the Zamorak follower smugly.

11-Nov-2008 00:53:44 - Last edited on 28-Nov-2008 18:58:20 by NovelistElly

NovelistElly

NovelistElly

Posts: 2,603 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Adam followed the archer into the ring and a fight regulator gave the call for combat. Adam rushed at the man, his rune armor glittering in the sunlight. His short black hair was neatly cut and the bangs were clipped right above his brow. His face held an air of solemn fortitude and his face seemed a mix of two different types of people. Parts of it were gentle and kind and other features looked very definite and angular. These strange features gave his face a look of forced neutrality in which the more bold features were suppressed by the more gentle ones. His eyes shone with hints of wisdom and telltale signs of curiosity. He ran into battle calmly and with a very fluid motion, his muscles easily supporting his agile movements. He was well versed in the ways of a sword.
Adam’s blade came flying down at the Zamorakian in an attempt to cleave him in two. The man leapt back and retreated to a further distance and loosed an arrow at Adam. Adam’s shining red sword sprinted through the air and snapped the shaft of the arrow in half. Adam rushed in again and aimed for the head with a horizontal swipe, managing to divert multiple arrows that flew at him. He made contact with the man’s hood and just as he thought he would see a head rolling off his sword was propelled away from the scalp of the head. The raspy voiced man tore the ruined hood off and Adam recoiled at the sight. There were horns protruding from the archer’s head.
The man saw Adam’s reaction and fired an arrow directly at Adam’s heart. He tried to move, he saw himself doing so, but the couple of inches he managed spared only his life, not his armor nor his flesh. The arrow head began to glow white-hot and hissed as the archer uttered a few words from his shooting spot. There was a sickening sizzling sound as the head of the arrow seared Adam’s flesh. Adam yelped in pain and fell to the ground, but he was not bleeding, the arrow had burned the wound shut.

11-Nov-2008 00:54:34

NovelistElly

NovelistElly

Posts: 2,603 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The cloaked man laughed maliciously and turned away, leaving Adam to die. Adam heard shouts, voices coming towards him, cries of concern as the medical staff watched him fall. Just as the world melted around him he witnessed the horned man disappear in a burst of flames.
He was in blackness again and he saw Rachel and John, this time he could somehow tell, they were friends, not strangers, not demons. He grabbed their hands and they ran towards Asgarnia on a bridge of light, running as the land burned. The man in the cloak was there, laughing, waiting.
“You should be dead! No matter; the prophecy will not be realized.”
“We can do it,” Adam motioned to him, John, and Rachel.
Light flooded the world as Adam slowly opened his eyes. Even then, he was still reflecting on his dream.

11-Nov-2008 00:54:57 - Last edited on 28-Nov-2008 18:59:45 by NovelistElly

Cicobe1

Cicobe1

Posts: 4,823 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Yes... This story has vivid imagery, and wonderfully complex storyline. The complex storyline adds to the situation of my review, and there were many things pulling me this way and that. Your story was yet another swaying wind, pushing me towards a negative and positive review. Very sophisticated and very good details. For your luck, i do believe that the swirling winds have blown in the direction of a more positive review. I can't criticize anything on the detail, the detail was mind-blowing. The amount of effort you put into this story is unimaginable, I know where you are coming from. You definitely have the makings of a good author, especially coming from the details. There were a few mistakes that were easily correctable, and I saw the amount of effort that was put into editing it. Overall- Great story. Definitely one of the better I've seen. I'm glad that there is actually a storyline, instead of stories that seem to be too confusing. This story can go a lot of ways, and there are many branches of ideas that can sprout out of this story. The details- fantastic. Vocabulary- very good. Grammar- Good. It was worth reading, and to get a review like this from me is not an easy thing to do. I am not easily swayed, and usually criticize harshly, but this kind of story caught my interest throughout. Perhaps a bit of a cliffhanger would help at the end of each chapter, it would keep the eagerness of the crowd rising. The demand for a new chapter would increase, therefore making you more popular, and more stressed for that matter. You should continue writing the story, and make sure to keep a consistency throughout the course of the book. Any other chapters you add on to it, you have my attention. I will keep reading this story, and congratulations on your review. Keep it up!
~Cicobe1's review

13-Nov-2008 22:32:46

NovelistElly

NovelistElly

Posts: 2,603 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
×Chapter 5×
×Tense Future×
Adam awoke to stare at the very real world around him. All at once it had come back, he felt that his life had been strictly defined, just as a needle comes to a point, his life had come down to merely a few words; the words on a sandstone tablet.
“Thou who shalt be touched by gods and demons, bound in chains, survey the plains. Duty bound, he who is split into parts, master yourself and master the arts. Thou shalt be the one who quenches the land as it burns, keep the peace as the world turns. He who holds the world on his shoulders until it falls to his hands, release us from these oppressive bands. Do battle with both magic and might, banish the dark, bring back the light. Purpose lost and now found, may joy and happiness abound.”
He did not understand it, he did not believe it, he only knew it concerned him; him and John and Rachel. He did not know why, but he felt it in his head that he had to find them, it felt as if his brain was stretching as it pulled in multiple directions. His mind felt stretched as if trying to reach them.
“John!? Rachel!? Where are you!?” he called out to them when he saw the empty beds.
Surgeon General Tafini came running into the room, “Adam! Calm down! They were released while you were asleep.”
Adam looked at the tan, black-haired woman with disdain; he felt that his new friends were important and that he should have been consulted before they were released from the hospital.
“So, how many hours ago were they released?” Adam inquired, sure that he could find them so long as they had not gone far.
Surgeon General Tafini nervously adjusted her nurse** hat and her apron before speaking, “You really have no idea do you?”
“No idea about what?”
“You were out for a week. Your adrenaline was what kept you up for the little time after the surgery, and after that, you were so spent that you were out cold for a week.”

16-Nov-2008 01:40:30 - Last edited on 16-Nov-2008 01:41:55 by NovelistElly

NovelistElly

NovelistElly

Posts: 2,603 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Adam was dazed, he turned his head quickly to the side, none of the people in the hospital wore a familiar face, everyone who had been there had left and new people had come to replace them.
Adam put all his effort into forming words with his mouth while keeping it agape, “When…were…they…released?” He sounded each word out, emphasizing his displeasure that he had not been violently shaken awake before they had left.
“Well, John left the hospital six days ago, Rachel left yesterday. I don’t know where John was headed, Rachel went to visit her mother’s summer house in the Kharidian Desert, somewhere in the west, some small tract of land near the ocean.”
“Sounds nice.”
“It’s a tract of land near the bandit camp.” She added.
“Always a catch…hmm. Well, anyways, see ya!” At this Adam hopped out of bed like he was in peak physical condition and walked towards the Duel Arena Bank.
“Wait, where do you think you are going?” Surgeon General Tafini asked abruptly.
“Well, I want to find Rachel before she gets too far, she may know where John is too.” Adam said completely without considering that there had been an arrow lodged in his chest cavity a week before.
“You are in no condition to leave this hospital! I forbid you to leave until you are in a fit state to do so!” She yelled frantically.
Adam calmly walked to his bank and took a white cotton robe top, bottoms and head covering out of storage and threw them on over his thin, black under armor attire. Surgeon General Tafini simply looked on astonished that he was walking, so surprised she was at a loss for words. Adam simply hummed as he walked off, a small amount of spare coins jingling in his pocket, a shiny red dagger grasped loosely in his hand and a waterskin dangling from his waist.

16-Nov-2008 01:41:10

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