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DecentHuman

DecentHuman

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Well, you pushed me to it, and I finally read it O_o
Plot is wonderful, and it's filled with vivid description. I don't really see any major flaws at all, perhaps a few grammar things here and there, but none that I remember distinctly. I can't wait until you post more.
By the way, Rachel is my favorite =D

02-Feb-2009 22:41:39

NovelistElly

NovelistElly

Posts: 2,603 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
×Chapter 13×
×Picks and Plans×
Slanted rays of dusty daylight feebly crept between iron bars. The sun was far off in the west, casting its light inside the dank cell that Adam and Rachel now called home. The smells of sweat and death were pungent in the air. All the inmates were but zombies, shadows walking the sand after a seeming eternity of labor. Every soul here was pleading to be released, begging for its body to be killed, to escape both of its prisons.
The cell was small, miniscule even, desert moss grew out of the many cracks and a torture rack lay to the north, a decomposing heap of bones still shackled to the wall. The door of the cell lay to the south, splintering sun-bleached wood remained sturdily bolted into the walls. Adam and Rachel sat slumped on the western wall, avoiding the grotesque body in the chains and the door that could swing open at any moment, escaping the sunlight of the eastern wall.
Water had been provided to them only as much as could keep them barely alive, wishing they were dead like the rest of the prisoners. Solitary confinement was the only option for the guards who were told that the pair was both armed and dangerous. Rachel was leaning on Adam’s shoulder as he ran his hands through her hair, a vain attempt to comfort her. Adam was sitting carelessly on the floor, his left leg curled up for support while his right leg was sitting straight.
Adam sighed and whispered to Rachel, “You know, I’m going to find a way out of here.”
“Yeah, I know you will. I don’t doubt it for a second.”

04-Feb-2009 00:55:17

NovelistElly

NovelistElly

Posts: 2,603 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Adam smiled and leaned his head back. At least there was a reason to be happy about being imprisoned in this cell for a week; he and Rachel were together. Adam noticed the sun was going down from the dwindling light from the window. The heat from the late afternoon sun was making his head spin so he leaned over and fell asleep while Rachel dozed off on his shoulder.

They came in the night, during the pitch black of the darkest hours, when all of the other prisoners had dropped to the ground unconscious from exhaustion until the next morning. Guards, at least twenty, the door was silently unlocked so the guards could violently awaken Adam and Rachel and separate them into two different mines below the mountain. Adam and Rachel were roused awake instantly, neither sleeping soundly in such horrid surroundings. Rachel was hefted over the shoulder of a large guard and Adam was restrained by four guards as he struggled to keep his hold on Rachel’s hand.
“Rachel!”
“Adam!” tears streamed from Rachel’s face as she and Adam were practically ripped apart. Adam saw sparks purple sparks dance about her head and felt a flash of thoughts enter his mind. A wave of consciousness washed over Adam as he stopped struggling against the guards while his mind was flooded with Rachel’s thoughts.
“I understand,” Adam thought back to her before he was abruptly cut short as the hilt of a sword was rammed into his skull and he blacked out.

The next few hours until what Adam guessed was daylight were jumbled inside of his head like a jig-saw puzzle. Adam faded in and out of consciousness, the blow to the head coupled with all of his suffering in the past few days had left him weak and prone to blackouts.

04-Feb-2009 00:55:43

NovelistElly

NovelistElly

Posts: 2,603 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
He remembered a hazy light, a feeling of euphoria, a cloth of blood. A voice, “Do you have to treat all of the prisoners this rough!? Idiots!” Then, nothing.

Adam felt the touch of cool wood on his hands.
“Here! Take this, and get up off your lazy bum! You’re headed to the mines.”
The thing in his hands was a crude pickaxe, but before he could examine it Adam was forced upright by the person owning the voice and shoved deeper and deeper into the winding catacomb of mines. Adam’s ears rang as they were assaulted by the clang of metal on rock, his eyes adjusted and he was surprised to notice that he felt fine.
Someone grabbed his shoulder and he was twisted around to face his escort.
“I am the captain of the guard, my name is Ali. I am your overseer and you will address me only as Captain Ali or Sir. I do not tolerate disobedience and I am not one whom you want to be on bad terms with. You may ask me one question and I will answer, this is the only time I will ever answer to you in these mines.”
Adam’s head was still pounding so he asked the first thing that came to his mind, “Are you from Menaphos?*
*Yes.”
Suddenly Adam realized that he had forgotten to ask where Rachel was, “Wait! Can I have two questions?”
“Well, that was your second, so yeah. Now get to work. Oh, and you just got on bad terms with me. Guards, place him in the pit!”
“What’s the pit?”
“That’s three questions; you’re just making it worse for yourself.”
Adam felt a sudden jolt as he was pushed into a gaping hole that he had not noticed behind him. The walls oozed mud and the floor was covered in a foot of the saturated dirt.
“That’s the pit.”
“You expect me to mine through this!?”

04-Feb-2009 00:56:36

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