RuneScape Forum Archive | Well Told Tales

Legionnaire

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Bard Zaros: I'm not as good as logan but I am still pretty good at some reviews.I be happy to review your story.Can you please review my story

. Time4Rants RIP Never Forget! 2010-2013, In Memory of Old Timer: ""I'm a doctor, not a spiritual medium!" RIP ;(

Shy Lego 2010-2011 RIP

,

Lego x LD= Forbidden Love. Legita=Forbidden Love

23-Apr-2010 22:39:54 - Last edited on 23-Apr-2010 22:40:13 by Legionnaire

Aug

2022

BardZaros

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Is Azer the place behind Dondadan's rock? Or is it another name for Uzer in the desert? It doesn't really affect the story much, I just like the lore of Runescape

. I noticed some words missing, I think in the split between posts you lost the word "me". I liked the story itself, I myself am not good at editing, but the story was really good. What I didn't like was how it switched perspectives mid-paragraph, that needs to be separated, I don't like to be thrown around O_o

. I don't really have much more to comment on, I kinda want to know how the guy that knew what happened, died.

24-Apr-2010 03:04:25

Dec

2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Good story, Fallen. It's always interesting to read from the perspective of a mad man. =p
I don't have time to give you a full review (especially as you didn't ask for one): But if you speak English regularly, I suggest you read your story out to yourself.
Try to do this without prejudice (as in, read it, don't remember it) - and try not to imagine the story the way you would while reading it usually.
Try to read it grammatically and listen to your words, see if they sound right together.
Here is some advice for anybody who takes the time to read it:
When writing, it is important to always keep a special eye on what tense you're in (I.E., "I was walking" = past tense, "I am walking" = present tense, "I will be walking" = future tense.). Keep it the same through your whole story.
For instance, you don't want to say "I was walking. I am breathing heavily. I will be tired."
You want to say "I was walking. My breath came heavily, because I was tired." Or something along those lines.
Also, keep an eye on your 'objective'. The standard objective viewpoints for telling a story are First Person, Third Person, and narrative. For further understanding of these, look up the words "prose" and "script".
"I was walking" Is first person past tense. "He is walking" is third person present tense. "Vannaka will be walking" is narrative future tense.
In the examples above "I", "He", and "Vannaka" are your 'subjects', respectively. You don't want to go from "I" to "He" - Except sometimes inside dialogue. Also, you don't want to go from "Your Dog" to "Vannaka" without specifying.
Let me demonstrate:
"Your Dog is very stinky."
"He is very strong."
In the first, you make the subject of description "Your Dog" - next you're trying to say "Vannaka is very strong", but your point is lost because people still think you're talking about your dog.
Thus, it is always important to keep your subject of description straight.

24-Apr-2010 07:32:14

Dec

2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Also, I want to clarify a little so that nobody (meaning whoever takes the time to read this) feels discouraged.
These types of things come with time and practice. In fact, I’m still learning the rules of grammar myself.
It’s a life-long process, and you pick up a little here and there.
But I cannot stress enough that the best way to become a good writer (if that is your goal) is to READ. And not just read, but read good writing.
Find somebody who has made a career out of writing (an preferably a style that you enjoy) – and succeeded. Then read, mimic, and edit your own stories.
If a story isn’t exactly how you would like it to be, edit it until it is, or scrap it altogether and write it again.
You cannot do anything worth doing without determination – and unless you’re just extraordinarily talented, you won’t succeed at first. But keep at it, and eventually you’ll outdo your own expectations.
Have fun everybody - and keep em' coming. =]
Goodnight,
Logan.

24-Apr-2010 07:37:46

Legionnaire

Posts: 20,901 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Thanks for the review BardZaros and Logan.I be sure to double check the stories I write to make sure I don't keep switching peperectives.Also I be sure to clearly ask you to review my stories next time.I be sure to change the mistakes.
Edit:I mostly read JK Rowling but since the Harry Potter series ended I don't read as often as I use to.Also to answer your question BardZaros the character in Madness was killed during the Raid but he believed he was still alive. Time4Rants RIP Never Forget! 2010-2013, In Memory of Old Timer: ""I'm a doctor, not a spiritual medium!" RIP ;(

Shy Lego 2010-2011 RIP

,

Lego x LD= Forbidden Love. Legita=Forbidden Love

25-Apr-2010 01:41:03 - Last edited on 25-Apr-2010 02:01:36 by Legionnaire

Legionnaire

Posts: 20,901 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

A Goblin's Life
By FallenR**er

Journal Entry...um I forgot

Dear Journal,
Well it was another day.I was walking towards the river thinking "I wonder if I can swim across the river"; however I decided whats the point of swimming across a river.I started to walk along the river; when I spotted a giant figure using some type of stick to catch fish.I thought "how can you catch fish with a stick"'; then instead of taking the fish he dropped them on the ground.I thought "you take the time to catch the fish, but then you just drop them".

Later that day I went into the Goblins' house.They were doing the same thing they always do; walking around and roasting a piece of meat over a fire.The meat was just spinning around the fire and some goblins just stood they're watching it.I was starting to get hungry so I took a piece of meat and ate it;the meat was yummy.I left the Goblins' house when though giant figures came in killing all of the goblins.I started walking towards the farm when I was attacked by one of though giant figures.He was wearing dark brown armour and carrying a grey sword;while I was wearing my grey and red armour and carrying my spear.Every time I got hit I saw a bar appear over my head and I thought "what is that above my head";I hit him with my spear and it didn't do much damage.The battle raged on and both of us were almost dead when the gaint figure ran away.I was just walking trying to get to him but, he was to far away so I gave up.

I went back to the farm and was just wandering around.Suddenly another one of though giant figures came running at me;he was wearing light blue armour and carried a light blue curved sword in his hand.I knew what was going to happen and I just waited like a lion stalking its' prey.The giant figure took his weird looking sword and struck me with it;my body fell limp and the giant figure ran away.I thought "well this is it" and then everything went dark.I woke up at the farm with my spear in hand and Time4Rants RIP Never Forget! 2010-2013, In Memory of Old Timer: ""I'm a doctor, not a spiritual medium!" RIP ;(

Shy Lego 2010-2011 RIP

,

Lego x LD= Forbidden Love. Legita=Forbidden Love

25-Apr-2010 02:31:48 - Last edited on 25-Apr-2010 02:36:42 by Legionnaire

Legionnaire

Posts: 20,901 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

I thought "no! Why can't I stay dead".

Now its nighttime and the wind is howling through my ears;I don't get why I keep writing these journals as I will most likely burn them for warmth.Well good night journal and may you bring me much warmth.

Your Truly,
Huro the Goblin.
Please do review it as I like to know what my readers think about it and if I should change anything Time4Rants RIP Never Forget! 2010-2013, In Memory of Old Timer: ""I'm a doctor, not a spiritual medium!" RIP ;(

Shy Lego 2010-2011 RIP

,

Lego x LD= Forbidden Love. Legita=Forbidden Love

25-Apr-2010 02:34:04

Aug

2022

BardZaros

Posts: 245 Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

I found this journal while training dungeoneering, enjoy.
Day 1
We have been sent by the elders to be the first to go in this strange castle. Thordor and Erika are happy to be in the same raiding party, Talkar and Loki are still mad at me for runecrafting last week. Apparently this castle is the source of that strange power a while ago. Talkar is mad that he can’t take his precious armor in with him.
Day 2
We have begun our descent into the dungeon. Today we’ll rest and prepare our minds for what lies ahead, out of the safe room.
Day 3
We’ve gone into the other rooms. Thordor is easily dispatching of these ice creatures we’re coming across, Talkar is working on making us all armor and weapons from the unique materials he finds. While Erika and Loki are waiting for their bows and arrows to be made, I’m looking for runes. Hopefully I won’t have to craft them, I don’t want to be on bad terms with the others.
Day 4
Erika found some strange coif which keeps the creatures from seeing her. She used it to sneak behind some mage lady and killed her with a single arrow.
Day 5
When we reached the next floor all of our items, but one, disappeared. Talkar is very mad, all he was able to keep was his Argonite dagger, and he’s not liking re-making all our armor.
Day 6
I had to craft my own runes today, but no one noticed ‘cause we’re all worried about Talkar’s sanity.
Day 7
Talkar went wandering off, no one can find him.
Day 8
We found Talkar’s body being eaten by some behemoth. We managed to kill the beast, to find out that Talkar was mining when he was attacked. We all need to make sure to keep in touch with reality in this place.

25-Apr-2010 17:06:37 - Last edited on 26-Apr-2010 00:21:15 by BardZaros

Aug

2022

BardZaros

Posts: 245 Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Day 12
Irony struck today. Loki told me that I, a mage, shouldn’t be in the party, since crafting runes isn’t what Guthix would want. Then a few minutes later I opened necessary doors that only a mage can open. We fought some troll with a big club, and it dented Thordor’s armor so badly it automatically bound to him, and now we can’t get it off.
Day 14
Thordor suffocated to death. Some giant floating eye kept pushing us around on ice, Thordor’s close combat was useless. He fell and his armor dented just enough that he couldn’t breath. With his last breath he told Erika something, she hasn’t said a word since then.
Day 16
This floor has been really easy, good thing too, ‘cause Erika has really been out of it.
Day ?
It’s gotten harder since Erika was killed by that... thing. Rangers and mages are at a disadvantage down here, but now it’s just two of us. Erika should have been paying attention more, when that icicle pierced her skull... The zombies don’t give us many breaks, hordes of them keep coming out of the walls.
Day ??
Loki’s trapped behind some doors, they just locked all of a sudden. He says I need to go back up to warn others not to come. I hope my leaving doesn’t put my friends’ efforts in vain.
Day 24
Apparently I haven’t been down as long as I thought. Boy, you sure lose track of time in there. I’ve told the elders that the strongest thing I saw was a demon, but there’s still much worse in the dark depths of the dungeon. They decided to name it Daemonheim because of that. For some reason the elders are opening the boat to adventurers in a few days, I hope they fare better than my party. I’m going back down to look for Loki now. I’m supposed to rest, but I can’t knowing Loki is still down there.
The rest of the pages are torn and bloody, I'm pretty sure we all know what this guy's fate was. Don't let it happen to you.

25-Apr-2010 17:08:56 - Last edited on 26-Apr-2010 00:22:58 by BardZaros

Aug

2022

BardZaros

Posts: 245 Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Fallen, I liked your story, I bet that's what goblins think everyday. I won't edit it, because goblins are not good at grammar or spelling, though I didn't notice anything BIG that wasn't good grammar... or spelling. The story brightened up my day, I hope that makes you happy too.

25-Apr-2010 17:12:24

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