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Esperanza
Oct Member 2019

Esperanza

Posts: 193 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I have been super lazy with my writing this week... editing is sooo not my favorite things.
Here is just something I came up with when I was sitting with my cat. It's a little strange, but *shrug*. Hope you like it.
Also, it's not RS related and feel free to pick it apart.
As fragile as we are:
My heart was breaking. I stood on the docks, the ship was long gone, and with it my love. But still I stood there.
Tears tracked down my face, leaving my skin tight and itchy. I ignored them.
In my hands was a single red rose, he had given me it. My fingers trembled around its spiny stem.
The rose was very much like love, I thought, rare and beautiful. But like love, it was also fragile. Easily crushed and left to blow away. On its own it would dry up and die, its soft petals turning black, crumbling at the faintest of touches.
I stood there on the docks, a rose in my hands, and my heart at my feet.
I was the only one there now; the others had fled the cold. But still I stood there.
He had gone. I couldn't believe it, I wouldn't! He was all I had, all I had ever known and wanted. From the first time I saw him, I knew I would love him until my death.
But now he was gone. He had gone to fight in a war that was not our making, in a land that was not ours. He had gone to a world war.
Icy water splashed from the harbor, drenching my pale slippers. I shivered; the ship had taken my love. I didn't know when, or if, it would bring him back to me.
I knew he was strong and agile, brave but not reckless. Still, I was afraid.
Because like the rose, we too are fragile. Our bodies weak to the machines of war we make. We too are easily crushed and left to blow away.
So I stood there, too afriad to go home to our empty house.
A rose was in my hands, a broken heart at my feet. And just like the others, my love had fled with the cold.
†Hawky†
~The Original Drama Queen~

07-Apr-2010 20:17:55 - Last edited on 07-Apr-2010 21:18:37 by Esperanza

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Wonderful story, Hawky. My sister married a guy who went to the war in Iraq, and I saw how much that affected her. He came home safely, luckily. Even so, this story has a wonderful moral message, and you create (with so few words!) a beautiful image of love.
Even in its fragility, the girl in the story stayed at the dock, waiting.
There were a few typos I’d like to point out…
“My heat was breaking” – Should be ‘Heart’, I believe.
“To afriad to go home” – This should be “Too afraid”.
Both "couldnt" and "wouldnt" should have apostrophes. "Couldn't", "wouldn't".
These are easy enough to fix, though.
In all, you did an outstanding job. I hope to see more of your work posted here soon! ^^

07-Apr-2010 20:41:55 - Last edited on 07-Apr-2010 20:45:07 by Logan Shafts

Esperanza
Oct Member 2019

Esperanza

Posts: 193 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thanks Logan! :D
I will change those things... I had them right on my paper, but I hadn't gotten them typed in :@
I'll be posting things on here again soon!
EDIT: Ok all changed. I'm glad you liked it :)

07-Apr-2010 21:17:33 - Last edited on 07-Apr-2010 21:28:40 by Esperanza

JJR V

JJR V

Posts: 302 Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Here's some poetry from an assignment for english... Just thought it'd be a good idea to post it here :) . The first ones a sonnet, and the second just a free verse. I didn't really spend much time on these so they're not that good. :|


Love is the picture we’re destined to paint,
Our story written before we begin.
A bright coloured picture, not one that’s faint,
A story of fantasy, not one of sin.
The picture can vary, in colours and tone,
Starry Night or Bright Creek, it’s your portrait to share.
In novel or textbook, in paper or stone,
In French or in Spanish the same story still there.
Love isn’t always a picture that’s drawn,
For love can be complicated and even unseen.
These are paintings that Roy G. Biv couldn’t spawn,
These are untold tales that have never been.
Picture or Story, heaven or hell,
Fact or fiction, love is your story to tell.



When love is lost, we are lost.
When we lose love for Lust, we lose.
We must not lose love.
The end is nigh, but do not fear,
For it’s not by means of flame or fire.
But if we remember love, we will survive,
For when love is lost we are lost.
Greed is the fuel in our Apocalypse,
For in our Greed we forget to love.
And when we lose love for Lust, we lose,
We must not lose love.
We value diamonds and tout d’argent,
More than our kin and brethren.
We are the heroes in our own story,
Slaying Greed and Lust, Lust and Greed.
We can save us from our own demise,
If we learn to love, share and believe.
Praise the loving, banish the tainted,
And we can save us, but we must not lose love.
We are the heroes in our own story,
Slaying Greed and Lust, Lust and Greed.
We can save us, but we must not lose love.

07-Apr-2010 23:06:54 - Last edited on 07-Apr-2010 23:07:57 by JJR V

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Posidor:
While I wont discourage the posting of Poetry on this thread, I will let you know that I can't review it.
I do write poetry occasionally, but I'm not very good myself, and I don't know the ins-and-outs of it well enough to review other peoples attempts.
On the other hand, Yrolg has a thread called "The Poetry Corner" that you might want to check out. He appears to know quite a bit about it.
You're welcome to post your poetry here aswell, but that thread might be a more suitable home for it.
I hope you still find yourself comfortable posting here, I'm not trying to push you away.
Enjoy your stay.
-Logan

07-Apr-2010 23:27:28

JJR V

JJR V

Posts: 302 Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Oh Logan you're such a kind host.
Haha, yeah, I was just lookin' for thoughts really... no expert analysis. I'll post some stuff later... maybe... all my good stories I've written for school are now lost.
And, no I didn't get pushed away. hahaa...

07-Apr-2010 23:42:32

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