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BardZaros
Aug Member 2022

BardZaros

Posts: 245 Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Yoyayoya, maybe the account isn't biased, but instead the truth shrouded by the Saradomin church order. Maybe what the Zamorakians seek is the truth to be spread, and the oppresion by the so called 'holy' god to be seen for the true evil it is!!!!!!!!!!!!

03-Apr-2010 01:52:33 - Last edited on 03-Apr-2010 15:11:24 by BardZaros

Aidyn Levet
Jul Member 2023

Aidyn Levet

Posts: 558 Steel Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"The soldiers were laid to waste too."
I don't like how often this has the same "to" sound appear. In this case, it would be better to say "as well" and keep the original formatting, because it is saying that the walls fell, and so did the soldiers.
"The soldiers were laid waste to as well."
Also, both sentences might be combined.
"The walls stood to defend the town from assault, yet they fell, and with this, so did the soldiers."

03-Apr-2010 03:42:39 - Last edited on 03-Apr-2010 04:39:14 by Aidyn Levet

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Nomercyman1:
I agree as far as the "as well" is concerned.
But as for 'combining the sentences', please remember that using a semi colon doesn't actually combine.
A semicolon is meant to represent a break between two similar sentences; though the following may not be capitalized, it is still a seperate sentence, I believe.

03-Apr-2010 04:04:49 - Last edited on 03-Apr-2010 04:05:24 by Logan Shafts

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
ITIerciful:
Nope, not at all. I would encourage you to stretch your imagination farther than already-created games such as runescape, though some runescape stories may be funny.
Pretty much any story of any genre (excluding any which break the Forum Specific Rules) is accepted here.
For examples of a mix of stories - check out my thread entitled "Shafts of Imagination", most of those are not Runescape related, though a few are.

03-Apr-2010 05:09:04

Yoyayoya101

Yoyayoya101

Posts: 294 Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Akriloth35, I must agree with Logan about the commas. The first paragraph was just a jumble of words to me though it did get a lot better.
I took one sentence that gave me a lot of confusion and edited it a bit.
"Of the many denizens of the wastes choked with evil so black the sun’s ray cannot penetrate((comma)) the Black Knights stand apart one group in particular((I think a semicolon should be here)) the first and last, The Creed of Zamorak."
I'm not entirely sure if you should place a semicolon where I told you to, but a comma definitely needs to be after "penetrate."

03-Apr-2010 05:15:02

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