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Legionnaire

Posts: 20,901 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Bard Zaros your story was quite good,but I did see one mistake in Day 2 you mispelled made because you forgot the e so it spelled mad,but I think that was cut off from the post.The characters were quite good. I'm just wondering did you find though pieces in the dungeon or made it up.Also one thing maybe describe what the characters look like.My review aren't as good as Logan's because I do a short brief review while Logan can give you a full review.Other than though few mistakes it was quite good.I like the part where she came behind the mage and killed her. Time4Rants RIP Never Forget! 2010-2013, In Memory of Old Timer: ""I'm a doctor, not a spiritual medium!" RIP ;(

Shy Lego 2010-2011 RIP

,

Lego x LD= Forbidden Love. Legita=Forbidden Love

25-Apr-2010 17:26:53

Dec

2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

The two new stories have been posted on the Index for page 19 as “A Goblin’s Life” and “The Journal”.
Bard Zaros, I named your story “The Journal” on the index, because you did*’t offer any name for it. If you would like this changed, let me know.
FallenR**er:
Here is the review you asked for on “A Goblin’s Life”.
Good work. Your story was very imaginative. I especially like how you have him respawn – that was very unexpected (even in a RuneScape setting) and was very entertaining.
The fact that goblins are notoriously bad at grammar makes this story almost impossible to critique.
I could tell you all the errors, but I wouldn’t want to – because removing them would also remove part of the style of the story. As such, this isn’t so much a review as it is simply Kudos.
There was only one thing I noticed.
If he burns the journal, how are we reading it? Lol.
That can be left up to the imagination of the reader, so don’t worry about changing it. I just thought it was interesting enough to point out.
Nicely done. =p

25-Apr-2010 20:24:34

Dec

2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Bard Zaros:
Here is the review you asked for on your dungeoneering Journal entries.
Your story was entertaining and relatively comical.

I did notice a few things that can be fixed though.
The first is that you need to add extra line breaks between your days.
Each day is a paragraph, and each paragraph should have a full line break between it and the next.
I.E., you should write it in the following format.
Day 1:
“Story here."
Day 2:
"Story here."

There were a few basic grammatical errors (typos) that should be fixable easily enough.
In Day 3, I noticed two main ones.
You wrote: “from the unique matlerials he finds” – This should be “Materials”.
You wrote: “bows and arrows to be mad,” – This should be “Made”.
This is only two – I suggest you proof-read your own work, as that is a skill that is necessary for any writer and the more you practice doing it, the more accurate your writing will be.
There were a few stylistic things that I normally would point out, but because it is written as a journal it isn’t necessary to perfect the grammar in it.

I apologize that both of your reviews were relatively short. I’ve been low on time lately, so I typed them up quickly.
Keep up the good work! ^^

25-Apr-2010 20:32:25

[#RBIHGLKJ8]

Posts: 132 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

cool

25-Apr-2010 22:31:15

Aug

2022

BardZaros

Posts: 245 Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Fallen, the places and creatures mentioned in the journal are in the dungeon. I would have made it go farther, but that's as far as I got in the fews days I've been on to play, and I didn't want to get any details wrong. Logan, thanks for the name, it works great. I didn't name it because I couldn't think of one, and I figured that people don't normally name their journals.

26-Apr-2010 00:26:59

Oct

2019

Esperanza

Posts: 193 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Bump. Night all

26-Apr-2010 04:50:49

Legionnaire

Posts: 20,901 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Well thanks for the review of a Goblin's Life Logan.The AoG competition really got me back to writing and I need to pratice in order to at least win the next one lol.Be sure to look out for The Last Tear.Anyone want to predict what its going to be about.
Edit: Hey Logan I read some of your stories they are really good but I didn't quite get the riddle story.How is the answer "The Answer". Time4Rants RIP Never Forget! 2010-2013, In Memory of Old Timer: ""I'm a doctor, not a spiritual medium!" RIP ;(

Shy Lego 2010-2011 RIP

,

Lego x LD= Forbidden Love. Legita=Forbidden Love

26-Apr-2010 22:02:54 - Last edited on 26-Apr-2010 22:12:50 by Legionnaire

Dec

2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Fallen, ask me on my other thread if you're interested. I don't really want to connect these threads, because people might feel like I'm using this thread as a means to advertise my other, which isn't the case.
That is why I never post my stories here. =p

26-Apr-2010 23:40:45

Dec

2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

-=[ATTENTION!]=-
Due to being busy, I havn't been picking weekly stories. I apologize for that to everybody.
In light of this, I'm going to hold a contest here over the next week. I would like you all to submit a story based on the theme, and try to polish it up as nicely as you can.
The winner will be next weeks story, and will earn itself a place in a new section I'm going to make in the early parts of the thread for contests. I may also loan them a Red h'ween hat or Santa for 24 hours.
The theme is: Something Ordinary made Extraordinary.
By this I mean that I want you to write about an ordinary object, such as a coffee mug or a letter, etc. I want you to weave a story around the object which makes it extraordinary.
In this contest I would like participants to focus on their descriptive powers.
Rules:
1. The story must be less than 5 posts long. This is subject to change. Should too many stories be posted, the limit will have to be shortened.
2. It must be made specifically for this thread, and not ripped off of an older thread.
3. Your story may be RuneScape related, or based on a real-life scenario/object. Please do not write about any other games though, or books/stories.
4. It must adhere to the regular rules of this thread, as well as the RuneScape Rules of Conduct.
5. It must be submitted before midnight server time next Sunday (May 9th).
6. Each participant is agreeing to respect other participants stories.
Also, you must accept that I will be reviewing each story and I WILL point out errors in them - if you're not okay with this, don't submit your story.
7. Each participant is agreeing that should there be less than 5 entries, I am not liable to add their story or to bestow the rewards.
Most of all, each participant is agreeing to do their best to have FUN and enjoy this experience. =D

27-Apr-2010 17:52:40 - Last edited on 07-May-2010 23:35:09 by Logan Shafts

Dec

2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Here is an example of what I mean by 'descriptive' writing.
"Polished glass reflected the gentle rays of the mid day sun into my eyes. Its hue was the darkest of maroons, a blood red. The contents of the mug exuded an overpowering aroma.
A care-free tinkling noise filled the air, the chime of metallic song. The birds sung in time with the song.
My hammock responded carefully to the casual creaking of the limbs which held it, trying desperately to keep its balance through the power of the forces tugging on it.
One of which was gravity, the other was the spontaneously thrusting wind, a personal vendetta between the two caught my hammock in mid-swig. To my delight, gravity proved the stronger.
Leaves bristled in the wind. Their branches hardly noticed my extra weight.
Blossom sprouted happily. Its scent mingled playfully with that of the contents of the glass, who responded sociably. They went on together hand-in-hand, forever supplementing my fantasy.
I held my book in my hands and softly sipped the coffee from the glass, stirring it occasionally."

This is just a quick example of what I mean by 'Descriptive'. Be warned that (as you know) this story has no plot.
Your entries SHOULD have plots, and should make the 'something ordinary' that you pick into something special, rather than simply explaining it like I did above.
Any questions regarding this competition should be posted here, I will do my best to keep up with you all.
Enjoy. =D

Also, in light of this being the 200th post, I'd like to thank everybody who's participated in the growth and success of this thread.
I hope you're all enjoying writing here as much as I've enjoyed reading your stories and commenting on them.
Thanks to everybody - and enjoy your week! ^^

27-Apr-2010 17:53:46 - Last edited on 29-Apr-2010 06:36:42 by Logan Shafts

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