Logan Shafts,
Empathetic ties will come to existing stories if you rework them so that they're not so unbecoming. It won't completely remediate the problem but it lessen it.
Sentence configuration can improve by diversity. Right now you use for the most part either simple or secondarily simple sentences, meaning that at most you incorporate two elementary ideas into a sentence. If you start to combine and restructure your paragraphs and sentences, it should become easier to create more meaningful and informative sentences.
Depth cannot really be easily improved upon. I'd suggest keeping it in mind for future stories, but there are no real specifics I can say for extant ones. For the future, remember that a dense story will appear to be more deep, and a diverse structure will reveal more depth. You, however, don't want to utilize these tools, which is perfectly fine.
In this case, I would suggest making sure that your theme is as deep and meaningful as possible. I'd also caution you to make your plots dwell more on the thoughts behind the theme, as right now each story skips over it for significant portions.
In response to the aims, all I have to say is this: you cannot miss if you don't aim, but you surely cannot hit. I don't adjudicate based off of attempts but on results, and if something is missing, by whatever reason, it is strikingly absent.
Something to note is that your score is acutely lower than most others. This because with so many short stories, all of the errors were compounded. I do not think your score accurately reflects your talent nor skill, but it can only reflect the thread. Already I've re-evaluated (for a net gain of 3.5%) my rubric, and I fear that to do so more would be an assault to its genuity and accuracy.
03-Nov-2010 15:46:01
- Last edited on
03-Nov-2010 15:51:41
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Yrolg