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Shafts of Imagination

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Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thanks, I will certainly look up "The Elements of Style", perhaps it will help.

Also, I think I will change the name of "Synergy" to "The Riddler Fox". However, I hope to eventually make a new thread in which I can place the whole story, and one of the chapters will probably be named "Synergy".

I hope that should this happen you might read it and understand why I called it that in the beginning.

Sadly, I have been working quite a lot and have had little time to write.

01-Nov-2010 00:24:13 - Last edited on 01-Nov-2010 00:41:06 by Logan Shafts

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Alright. Well, just remember that if you have any further questions or comments to make, I'm more than willing to have a discussion. If I've skipped over something you've already posted, just point it out, and I'll gladly take another look.

01-Nov-2010 00:29:25

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Okay, well there was one thing I still wanted to discuss, though I understand it is a holiday and you're more than welcome to answer at later date if you have plans.

I wanted to see if I correctly understood what you wrote about semicolons.

If I were to rewrite this quote: "Many meals passed. My meals, anyways; my dear friend rarely stopped to eat."

As "Many meals passed; my meals, anyways, my dear friend rarely stopped to eat.”

Would that be correct? "Many meals passed" is one complete thought, and the following is another complete thought.

Either way, when I do change it, I will probably just use a period instead - at least until I become comfortable using semicolons.

Also, I looked it up and your definition of 'synergy' confuses me.

You wrote: "Synergy is the act of producing something worth more than the effort put into it."

While I always took it to mean: "The interaction of two or more objects or forces so that their combined ability or effect is greater than the sum of their individual ability or effect."

Thanks,
-Logan


Edit: I am going to work on fixing up a few new stories I've been working on, and then I will re-arrange this whole thread so that it isn't so repetative and annoying to read.

Perhaps I will submit a request for a second review after that is done, in order to (hopefully) raise my score.

01-Nov-2010 00:46:43 - Last edited on 01-Nov-2010 07:54:48 by Logan Shafts

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You're still not using semicolons entirely correct. EVERY time you connect two complete, independent clauses, you have two options and only two options: full stop or semicolon.

The sky was gloomy; Michael was no different.
The sky was gloomy. Michael was no different.

Semicolons take the place of full stops, if you want to think about it like that.


"Many meals passed. My meals, anyways; my dear friend rarely stopped to eat." could be correctly phrased as

"Many meals passed: my meals, anyways; my dear friend rarely stopped to eat."

-OR-

"Many meals passed. My meals, anyways: my dear friend rarely stopped to eat."

-OR-

"Many meals passed -- my meals anyways. My dear friend rarely stopped to eat."

etc.

I'd rather not discuss emdashes, as the grammatical rules on them aren't really written yet. :p

01-Nov-2010 01:12:53

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I see. Funny you say that because out of all of those I seem to find the dash to be most fitting to my style.

I think I will just avoid semicolons unless they become necessary for something. =p

When I get more time, I will ask further questions. Thanks for your time as always. ^^

01-Nov-2010 07:55:52 - Last edited on 01-Nov-2010 08:01:56 by Logan Shafts

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Well, emdashes replaces commas introducing and leading from parenthetical thoughts, introduce clauses -- dependent or independent -- to full thoughts, and do a host of other things.

People stray from using them because there aren't any real rules on their usage -- even the form of their writing is different.

In America, the emdash is written thusly--it conveys a continuation of thought.
In Britain and most of the non-American-influenced world, however, the emdash is written differently -- the space separating it adds to the idea of a separate thought from the original. Whereas he American conveys parenthetical thought, the British conveys the introduction of a separate yet related idea.

When typed, it is always two hyphens unless you have a specific emdash key or care to manually insert each symbol.

01-Nov-2010 12:46:17

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Okay, thanks.

I wanted to discuss a few more things with you.
These are the three areas (if I read correctly) that I scored lowest in on your rubric:

--Empathetic Ties: 2/10
--Sentence Configuration: 4/15
--Depth: 5/20

I was wondering if you had any advice as to how to improve in those areas?

Do you believe that the 'Empathetic Ties' area is even something I can improve in the stories I currently have? A very small number of my stories are even aimed at that -- most are more of a sarcastic examination of the weirdness of the world, and thus it would be difficult to build any emotionally gripping storylines into them. Nevertheless if you have any advice in this area I would like to hear it.

As for 'Sentence Configuration', I already knew I had a problem with that. My thoughts tend to display erratically, even though they seem to be in a logical pattern to me. I look forward to anything you have to say which might aid me in this, as it is and will always inevitably be a very important part of writing.

And then there is 'Depth'. My stories once again don't really aim for this except on rare occasions. "The Happiness Principle" is probably the most 'deep' story I've posted here.

However, I believe there can be a depth of thought behind something without necessitating that the thought itself be any less nonchalant. So if you can give any advice regarding how to achieve a balance between my casual style and the necessity of interesting the reader through embedding thoughts which aren't quite as common place, then I will accept it gladly.

I don't necessarily think I have failed in the first area, since it was never my aim, and you can't miss if you don't aim. But it is something I will try to keep in mind for future stories.

Thanks, as always.
-Logan

02-Nov-2010 01:47:05

Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Umm...not to be rude or anything, but Americans call it em-dash. We call it en-dash ^_^ .

In Caroline Taggart's 'My Grammar and I (or should that be 'Me')', it explains that British English usually uses an en-dash (-) with a space on either side of it, while Americans prefer the longer em-dash (--) with no spaces. As for the usage of a dash, it is certainly the case that writers use it to introduce an aside, an interruption, or an additional piece of information, to indicate a sudden change of emotion or thought, or show that words have been omitted at the end of a sentence that has been broken off.

It is certainly more acceptable to use dashes in informal writing, but some professional writers rely on them heavily due to dashes really are quite versatile in terms of function, as opposed to the restrictions presented by a semicolon.

In Collins's Grammar & Punctuation,it states dashes are used at the beginning and end of a comment that interrupts the flow of a sentence:

Now children - Kenneth, stop that immediately! - open your books on page 20.

And to separate off extra information, in the same manner above but without the exclamation mark.

But dashes are sometimes used to connect clauses and writing when used on its own, and can work like brackets do, providing information on adjacent clauses.

But really, the rules on dashes aren't so strict compared to other punctuations.

02-Nov-2010 21:18:28 - Last edited on 02-Nov-2010 21:33:04 by Englishkid62

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Englishkid62, technically, the en dash and the em dash are different. An en dash is one half the width of an em dash, which generally translates to a hyphen. An em dash is extended; an en dash is not.

Your source is incorrect, and it's quite that simple. It did not take into account historical usage nor contemporary adaptation: currently, the American em dash is three ens long, and the British em dash is two ens long (in relative ens). It is also important to remember that when I said the dash is not used because the rules are not written: anything I say to counterprove your points will not be correct, just as anything you say will not be correct. When referring to dashes, there is, within relative propriety, no right or wrong.

I don't really understand the purpose of your post, then, in disproving mine. Firstly, there is no universal British punctuation, as the Commonwealth is not entirely universally consistent. It is important, I suppose, to notice that there is a distinct differentiation between the hyphen and the em dash. Secondly, there are varying forms of international and domestic punctuation used by varying countries, making discussion of the matter both semantic and meaningless.

This is all a very confusing discussion because ens, which are half of an em, can be equal to or twice the length of a hyphen. Traditionally, the contemporary usage (oxymoron?) is as such:

Hyphen: -
En dash: --
Em dash: ---

But the latter two and former two are used interchangeably. O_o

I have no interest in conducting a debate over a subject as subjective and transient as dashes, however, so feel free to disagree as you please. This is firmly my opinion, and I have no expectation of either one of us changing it in this regard.

03-Nov-2010 15:35:50 - Last edited on 03-Nov-2010 15:49:09 by Yrolg

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Logan Shafts,

Empathetic ties will come to existing stories if you rework them so that they're not so unbecoming. It won't completely remediate the problem but it lessen it.

Sentence configuration can improve by diversity. Right now you use for the most part either simple or secondarily simple sentences, meaning that at most you incorporate two elementary ideas into a sentence. If you start to combine and restructure your paragraphs and sentences, it should become easier to create more meaningful and informative sentences.

Depth cannot really be easily improved upon. I'd suggest keeping it in mind for future stories, but there are no real specifics I can say for extant ones. For the future, remember that a dense story will appear to be more deep, and a diverse structure will reveal more depth. You, however, don't want to utilize these tools, which is perfectly fine.

In this case, I would suggest making sure that your theme is as deep and meaningful as possible. I'd also caution you to make your plots dwell more on the thoughts behind the theme, as right now each story skips over it for significant portions.


In response to the aims, all I have to say is this: you cannot miss if you don't aim, but you surely cannot hit. I don't adjudicate based off of attempts but on results, and if something is missing, by whatever reason, it is strikingly absent.

Something to note is that your score is acutely lower than most others. This because with so many short stories, all of the errors were compounded. I do not think your score accurately reflects your talent nor skill, but it can only reflect the thread. Already I've re-evaluated (for a net gain of 3.5%) my rubric, and I fear that to do so more would be an assault to its genuity and accuracy.

03-Nov-2010 15:46:01 - Last edited on 03-Nov-2010 15:51:41 by Yrolg

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