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Shafts of Imagination

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Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Lol, the fox stories need a lot of work, I must admit.

But I may just make a full tale out of them. It would take some doing to turn them into the kind of stories that people like to read though, because some of them were written quite a long time ago and thus are...not of the highest quality. =p

But I may rewrite some. There is one particular one about a spider and him that I liked quite a bit back in the day. But we'll see. =*

01-May-2010 06:57:13

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
-=[The Lesser Body]=-

I circled him cautiously. He was twice my size or more, but I was persistent nonetheless.

My brother. He was the elder, and all the more arrogant for it. Even so, he failed utterly in his tasks, and was a miserable wretch in the eyes of our community.

He had taken his age as a sign from the heavens, that he was meant to be greater than all – myself included. He had wrestled with me repeatedly, and won every time. Now he was back again, and I was doing my very best to get out of his choke hold.

I looked for an opening, but found none. His grip was impenetrable. I felt his weight dragging me down, and it took all of my strength to hold myself up – away from certain doom.

He wouldn’t dominate me forever, though. In time I would grow, I need only stay my ground. In time, I would wrestle him down and win for once. Endurance was my best friend.

But for now, he would continue to think himself the most important thing in the universe. He would nurture his twisted nature. He would hold tight his throne, yet betray its true purpose in his actions.

For now, he would be filthy, a disgrace to everything we held dear. He would mock my beauty. He would complain to the celestial bodies, because their positions did*’t suit his mood just right. He would apologize to none.

05-May-2010 19:38:11

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
But the Sun would chastise him, and he would momentarily regress, a little cowering before the might of something so much greater than him. Yet even towards it, his condescension revealed his true conceit.

I secretly hoped that the bacteria on his soul would take him over. That it would out do him, overcome him, and eventually bring about his downfall.

Then I would step up and take his place. But until that day, I sat brooding.

For many eons I would stand, if it was necessary to meet that day. For thousands of lifetimes I would glare down on his surface from above, my only illumination coming from the Sun of the king.

I was but the jester in his court. I was but dust on his shining emerald. I was but the Moon to his Earth.

But I was persistent nonetheless.

05-May-2010 19:38:20

LovelyMelons

LovelyMelons

Posts: 1,086 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Your other stories are nice, but this one was a disappointment to be honest. You have incredible potentail, and you've proven it through your other FANTASTIC stories previously on this thread. By all means, keep writing; just try to be more descriptive, either that or improve this story.

-my best regards,
Pownhydra the Critic

12-May-2010 01:31:33

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Out of curiosity, how can that story be improved?

You can't just say "improve it"; you have to give some advice as to how that might be achieved.

- -- - -- - -- -

I thought this newest piece was good, Logan, though perhaps a bit overdone; it feels like you carried the metaphors for the earth and moon a little too far, maybe, if that makes sense. I liked how you imagined gravity as wrestling, though. That was an interesting take.

14-May-2010 20:33:45

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