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Shafts of Imagination
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Logan - Pull some strings in this context means (like I always do) I'll ask around my connections and try to get them visit this thread, post comments, and whatnot.
Dream - I'm not in some trouble or that kinda thing, am I?
As you know of our timezone differences, I have to stay up to at least 4 or 5 am just to see you online, and you might not be on! Staying up this late too often may not be wise for my activities or college commitments the next day. Hope you understand. If I did something wrong you can tell me
Chuk - I personally didn't find passive tense in general a bad thing; it depends how they are executed, and by who. The above example is indeed a little confusing in first reading, and I also in that respect took time to reread the sentence, but blaming it on passive tense is not what I would have done
. Of course one remedy would be changing the first clause, but changing the second clause slightly could also solve the flow issue.
I also personally didn't find over-describe something of a problem here. There's no correct way to write and, if you've read Virginia Woolf, you'll know what is over-writing
(But she is still a literary giant). Certainly being more concise and express the same thing with less words is an admirable goal, but I wouldn't impose a percentage myself
. While cutting words, it is important not to lose sight of what the original idea was aiming for too.
I completely agree that Logan would contribute better as a mentor lol. And true about matching the writing abilities of many great writers here.
(And, let's be honest, he should've applied as a mentor in the first place anyway!)
Dream - I'm not in some trouble or that kinda thing, am I?
As you know of our timezone differences, I have to stay up to at least 4 or 5 am just to see you online, and you might not be on! Staying up this late too often may not be wise for my activities or college commitments the next day. Hope you understand. If I did something wrong you can tell me
Chuk - I personally didn't find passive tense in general a bad thing; it depends how they are executed, and by who. The above example is indeed a little confusing in first reading, and I also in that respect took time to reread the sentence, but blaming it on passive tense is not what I would have done
. Of course one remedy would be changing the first clause, but changing the second clause slightly could also solve the flow issue.
I also personally didn't find over-describe something of a problem here. There's no correct way to write and, if you've read Virginia Woolf, you'll know what is over-writing
(But she is still a literary giant). Certainly being more concise and express the same thing with less words is an admirable goal, but I wouldn't impose a percentage myself
. While cutting words, it is important not to lose sight of what the original idea was aiming for too.
I completely agree that Logan would contribute better as a mentor lol. And true about matching the writing abilities of many great writers here.
(And, let's be honest, he should've applied as a mentor in the first place anyway!)
28-Apr-2010 14:18:14 - Last edited on 28-Apr-2010 15:06:58 by Englishkid62
"Not sure if I need more comments" is actually something rarely said on these forums
Presumptuous? Are any of us literary masters? Would that make all of us presumptuous? Maybe you thought mentors were supposed to be grandmasters or something, but really they aren't. If anything, they're more like a friend
And now you know you're probably better than most mentors we have.
Presumptuous? Are any of us literary masters? Would that make all of us presumptuous? Maybe you thought mentors were supposed to be grandmasters or something, but really they aren't. If anything, they're more like a friend
And now you know you're probably better than most mentors we have.
28-Apr-2010 17:33:00 - Last edited on 28-Apr-2010 17:34:54 by Englishkid62
English, I took that figure from Stephen King's book on how to write well. And you (should) know how much I love my description. It's something I'm trying to work on myself, and I think it improves my writing. There's always a certain amount of "hurry up and get to the freaking point, dangit!" that a reader feels, which can be frustrating.
Granted, it comes down to style, but it's something I'd like Logan to think about. Just because I say that, though, doesn't mean he needs to institute it.
And Logan: There's not really that much of it throughout the story, just here and there; I'm looking for stuff to pick on, 'cause it rarely just jumps out at me in your pieces.
Mostly what I'm referring to is when the adjective or adverb really is redundant and unneeded. Don't worry about it too much, though. Just give it a bit of thought, maybe.
EDIT: Oh, I forgot to comment on that question about escaping through the hole at the beginning. The magic was relatively obvious, but I'm still unclear as to why the fax couldn't escape out that hole when they could escape by the very non-magical means of punching the ceiling. Unless that's your point, that there is sometimes a simpler solution than we look for?
Granted, it comes down to style, but it's something I'd like Logan to think about. Just because I say that, though, doesn't mean he needs to institute it.
And Logan: There's not really that much of it throughout the story, just here and there; I'm looking for stuff to pick on, 'cause it rarely just jumps out at me in your pieces.
Mostly what I'm referring to is when the adjective or adverb really is redundant and unneeded. Don't worry about it too much, though. Just give it a bit of thought, maybe.
EDIT: Oh, I forgot to comment on that question about escaping through the hole at the beginning. The magic was relatively obvious, but I'm still unclear as to why the fax couldn't escape out that hole when they could escape by the very non-magical means of punching the ceiling. Unless that's your point, that there is sometimes a simpler solution than we look for?
29-Apr-2010 01:04:35 - Last edited on 29-Apr-2010 01:08:03 by Chuk
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