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Xana_anaX
Nov Member 2016

Xana_anaX

Posts: 1,699 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"'The dog beside the remnants of a fire sat down and gazed wearily at the traveller who was stepping through the door he was tall dark and a little shifty looking.'
-That sentence did not make much sense, did it? If I add punctuation, I think you'll find it makes much more sense.
'The dog, beside the remnants of a fire, sat down and gazed wearily at the traveller who was stepping through the door; he was tall, dark and a little shifty looking.'
Punctuation cannot, no matter how free the verse, be avoided. "
^ actually, it can. I mentally inserted all the punctuation into that sentence and understood it 100% without reading anything beyond that.
on top of that, people use other ways to force people to get the same feel of punctuation.
instead of "I killed a man i regret it", they could say:
"I killed a man
i regret it"
as the space in between forces you to stop before continuing.
"The Dog beside the remnants of a fire
sat down and gazed
wearily
at the traveller who was stepping through the door

he was
tall
dark
a little shifty looking"
EDIT: yrolg, mind reading my poems? they're the last 3 posts on page 23 =)

24-May-2010 11:13:11 - Last edited on 24-May-2010 11:28:34 by Xana_anaX

Crocefisso

Crocefisso

Posts: 1,385 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Xana,
Without meaning to sound rude, I think you miss the point of punctuation. It's there to make a sentence make sense. Saying you 'mentally add' it is like saying you mentally correct a spelling; it's still inexcusable for me to write a poem and spell the word "juxtaposition" as "justapositin", isn't it? The same applies to punctuation - it's not something you think.

24-May-2010 19:01:36

Xana_anaX
Nov Member 2016

Xana_anaX

Posts: 1,699 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"Without meaning to sound rude, I think you miss the point of punctuation. It's there to make a sentence make sense. Saying you 'mentally add' it is like saying you mentally correct a spelling; it's still inexcusable for me to write a poem and spell the word "juxtaposition" as "justapositin", isn't it? The same applies to punctuation - it's not something you think. "
punctuation is used to separate a sentence in order to make it make sense, which i've done already without using it. You can't tell me reading that sentence you wrote is any harder without punctuation than it is with.
there is a difference when you mentally add punctuation than when you mentally correct a spelling. when it comes to punctuation, if there is a missing mark, its not always the end of the world when it comes to your train of thought. "the red white and blue shirt" doesn't affect your reading of it, as you think of it like "the red, white, and blue shirt". That's why punctuation has become so underused, its simply not completely mandatory for communication. If it is completely underused, like if i wrote this entire thing without punctuation, that's a different story. Poetry, however, isn't written like this. It has its own breaks, rhythm, and creative style that can compensate for punctuation, like i have done.
"Saying you 'mentally add' it is like saying you mentally correct a spelling; it's still inexcusable for me to write a poem and spell the word "juxtaposition" as "justapositin", isn't it? The same applies to punctuation - it's not something you think. "
people intentionally mispell words in poetry in order to get a certain rythm or rhyme, so its not inexcusable if it works. however, if it interferes with communication, its different. i point you again to e.e. c(c)ummings. You take mental note of misspellings- that's not the same with punctuation. that is, if you're not a grammar freak like me. you DO think punctuation, that's how they work.

24-May-2010 20:18:40

Kotane

Kotane

Posts: 7,110 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
It's been a while since I submitted anything. Here goes.
These pencil markings have no muse
Endless, endless years, abuse.
As as lead (graphite!) slowly used,
writes down the words I choose,
whether they shout, or sing the blues;
I feel more fused
to my pencil than before;
spewing tales of chivalry, war,
sweat profusion from my pores
hastily I write more
shaking feelings from my core
idon't know whats instore
inthesewords their scrEAMING ROAR!
And as my pencil slowly
-----Dwindles down to a lifeless nub,
---------my muse comes back.
-------------Pencil exists no more.
----------------Too much abuse.
------------------I choose,
---------------to write in pen.

25-May-2010 00:01:34 - Last edited on 25-May-2010 00:05:49 by Kotane

Raschilat

Raschilat

Posts: 15,486 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"This," he said,
"is the night where we pretend to be heroes."
And I looked up into his amber-sun eyes,
and saw stars upon stars upon stars, like
a field of hydrogen grass sitting on parched
black earth, and I felt my heart rumble and quiver
and his eyes were like supports, but I was
broken by design, not by action -- what is this?
"Legends," he would tell me, "do not rise but are pulled
to the top by demand, not by will." I could
only blink back my own green fire and wish for a
glass wall to absorb the lightning he radiated. I felt
much like glass; in fact, to the casual observer
I might've been a sputtering flame laid down
against a mirror to be extinguished, choked out...
smothered by the stars. We were tied together
like haunting chains smashed into
black portals. They dragged and tore and
my flesh felt like sandpaper to the touch, raw
Raw like emotion bleeding out of the meteors that
painted our faces in somber light. This was the
Earth. I looked up into the sky and saw a canvas:
Black, like midnight, where airplanes streaked
across like temporary brushstrokes before
they were erased from the foreground and
stars upon stars upon stars
in the back of the universe-mind, of the my-mind,
of the our-mind, restrained by chains, tied to the--
Black. Raw black, vacuum, subliming me as seconds--
pass into the raw.

25-May-2010 00:08:57

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Scout574,
Hello. I think that your lines are too long and complex. You should focus on clarifying your point, as you have no unnecessary structural requisites in such a free style poem.
It also seems too much like prose. Remember that poetry focuses on why and not what.
Xana_anaX,
They're rather long, so I'll try and help you tomorrow. One Hot Stud has asked for help already, and his need is rather more pressing. ;)
I do have this terrible habit of forgetting, so don't let me! I promise I won't be annoyed if you remind me. :p

25-May-2010 03:49:48 - Last edited on 25-May-2010 04:20:31 by Yrolg

One Hot Stud
Feb Member 2017

One Hot Stud

Posts: 2,507 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Warbling warnings announce newfound travels
Mad scientists planting sinister seeds.
Waiting, watching as the time unravels
Nefarious plots and dastardly deeds.
Nothing appears to repair what’s broken
The past, thus the present, remains as changed.
History fades with each new line spoken
What once was sane has now become deranged.
Swirls of chaos mixed; no more justice here.
No more innocence or peace to expend,
Only oppression and the people’s fear.
Brutal regimes and hell: their only end.
Early on, they had lost their will to fight,
They hide together now in fading light.
~~
Phew, took me a bit to load up the forums. Computer is slow. =p

25-May-2010 04:21:06

[#J2YKVQ2SL]

[#J2YKVQ2SL]

Posts: 12,132 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
As I watch the stars from down below,
the light from my house sways to and fro.
I feel a great danger,
and boiling rage and anger.
So I close my eyes and count to three,
and watch all of my broken dreams.
I watch your beautiful eyes,
I find that everything becomes easy.
You seem to find the easiest ways to please me.
That we belong together.
Forever.

25-May-2010 19:00:08

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