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Kotane

Kotane

Posts: 7,110 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
hmm... i sorta understand. Most of the time, punctuation is neede to understand a thought process. Without punctuation, peoms can be read ambiguously. But I don't see any other way that DIREFOX's poem can be interpreted. If you add punctuation, it hinders the poem a bit, in my opinion.

23-May-2010 01:56:37

66FordBronco
Sep Member 2022

66FordBronco

Posts: 3,208 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
this poems called beautiful angel i wrote it when my gramma died


A beautiful angel is all that is here
Saying O'Lord please leave me here
Not ready to leave but has to go
Wants to go back but God says no
A husband and children
Grandchildren and friends
A meaningful life that suddenly ends
And angel is what she was meant to be
Now think of all that she can see
Watching over her family night and day
Saying I love you in her own special way
In the night we sleep and in the day we cry
While she watches us all from her star in the sky

23-May-2010 14:56:03

[#42TUANKWS]

[#42TUANKWS]

Posts: 612 Steel Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
^That's sad :( but a really great poem, my favorate :)
Blade of Grass (by the sheep in Zanaris :P )
Hello there blade of grass,
I'm glad you aren't any thinner.
Why don't you invite some friends around,
so I can have my dinner?
(Talk to the sheep in Zanaris in-game to hear this :P )

23-May-2010 16:27:58 - Last edited on 23-May-2010 16:30:11 by [#42TUANKWS]

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Elvl0 B0y,
Hello. I would focus on word economy. With such a short poem, it's important that every word makes the most of the space it's taking up. Try to eliminate unnecessary words and replace those that you can with ones of more significance or meaning. A double entendre of appropriate substance is a great idea in poetry.

KOA DIREFOX,
Hello. I wouldn't worry too much about punctuation, as your poem is almost clearly defined without it. Perhaps one or two periods would help to add closure to the different ideas, but even these would be purely cosmetic.
What I would focus on is your capitalisation. Instead of capitaising each word in the new line, why not emphasise those that are meant to be capitalised? By changing how you arrange your capital letters, you'll alter how many reader interpret your poem.

The Smurfett,
Hello. Your poem is fine, but what I think could use improvement is the consistency and development. What you have right now is merely a bunch of lines focused around a single theme. If you could improve these lines to relate to the theme in similar ways and then develop their order so that it is logical and leads somewhere, you can really leave a great mark. I suggest rewriting the poem so that it leads to a single theme at the end, as, if done correctly, this theme will be stuck in the reader's mind.

Crimson Fur,
Hello. What you've got is a good emotional base. But it seems elementary. I think this is because there's no real story or scene associated with what you've written. If you could incorporate the idea and emotion you've already created into a more substantive scene, I think the poem could really leave a great impression.

23-May-2010 17:14:17 - Last edited on 23-May-2010 17:22:39 by Yrolg

[#J2YKVQ2SL]

[#J2YKVQ2SL]

Posts: 12,132 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Time does not tell a thing.
It doesn't give that familiar ring.
It doesn't tell the time of day,
it doesn't show you the right of way.
Time just stands like a statue.
For me, at least
I can say that my chases of survival have decreased.
They have been thrown away into a dark inferno bin,
never to be found ever again.
So now I said adue,
and now I shall start a new.
A new with all of my friends,
and all my family,
and maybe even my pets.
So atleast now I can say, there is no need to fret.

24-May-2010 01:53:51

66FordBronco
Sep Member 2022

66FordBronco

Posts: 3,208 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
XIX. To an Athlete Dying Young
by A. E. Housman (1859-1936)
The time you won your town the race
We chaired you through the market-place;
Man and boy stood cheering by,
And home we brought you shoulder-high.
To-day, the road all runners come,
Shoulder-high we bring you home,
And set you at your threshold down,
Townsman of a stiller town.
Smart lad, to slip betimes away
From fields were glory does not stay
And early though the laurel grows
It withers quicker than the rose.
Eyes the shady night has shut
Cannot see the record cut,
And silence sounds no worse than cheers
After earth has stopped the ears:
Now you will not swell the rout
Of lads that wore their honours out,
Runners whom renown outran
And the name died before the man.
So set, before its echoes fade,
The fleet foot on the sill of shade,
And hold to the low lintel up
The still-defended challenge-cup.
And round that early-laurelled head
Will flock to gaze the strengthless dead,
And find unwithered on its curls
The garland briefer than a girl's.
This is obvously not written by me but this is my favorite ever poem and i suggest a.E houstan as a poem of the week

24-May-2010 03:42:30

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