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Dark Enmity

Dark Enmity

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I believe this is on the fifth post, first sentence. You may and probably will disagree with me, but I think the word “outraged” is unsuitable in this instance. It reminds me more of resentful anger, and when I try to imagine a mother finding her child dying, the word “outraged” doesn’t come to mind. That would probably come later, after the child is dead and she can take out her anger on the world. But I think in this particular sentence, you might want to use a word that describes her being more shocked or even afraid. If you have any issues please reply.
So I guess I am done. This is a really well done piece of writing. Keep it up. :)

23-Feb-2010 04:49:22

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

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I don't know, I think 'outraged' fits it well. When I think of 'outraged' I think of somebody who knows an outrage and is justly upset about it.
In my opinion, Yrolg, the word 'said' is the very opposite of a storykiller. Look at your favorite published novel. 'Said' is invisible. They can use it many times and you didn't notice. But if somebody says, 'vocalized' or a long word that isn't used often, it doesn't make the story seem unique, it makes it seem like you looked up the word in a dictionary and decided to use it. I'm not saying that that's my opinion, that is how I reacted to your overly-impressive vocabulary.

23-Feb-2010 15:17:40

Yrolg

Yrolg

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My favourite published novel is by Edgar Allan Poe. He is much more descriptive in his dialogue than the standard formula fiction. Past this I enjoy Les Misérables, in which, like Poe, Hugo spends countless pages describing the intricate dialogue which occurs.
I would like you to for a moment contemplate the idea of formula fiction and compare this to the standard classic in literature.
In formula fiction, it is the author's duty to ensure simplicity, flow, and ease of reading. In these stories, authors such as Nora Roberts, J. K. Rowling, and Stephen King have the sole duty to create stories that people want. And, truth be told, in 2010, people want simple escape. This simplicity has really been the case since the mid 1960s, growing to represent an ever larger proportion of the market. This means that people who have been brought up in this era (demographically speaking, you two) have been exposed primarily to this formulaic representation of what a story should be and, because the successful authors are such solely on their ability to manipulate audiences, you have been manipulated to think that these represent the status quo.
On the other hand, you have classic literature. Poe, Hugo, Dickens, and Wilde among others. These books date back centuries and yet are still held to the very core of "quality" literature. In them, you will notice distinct and decisive description of dialogue. These do not necessarily represent one specific era nor were they the most popular books when published. In fact, more than a single author that I listed above was socially exiled because his books were seen as sub-par. This happened and yet we are still reading and discussing them today. They did not fit the mold of popular whim nor did they follow the guidelines set up by limited success of the time. Instead, they followed the format necessary for the construction of an enduring and lasting piece of literature.

25-Feb-2010 12:24:11 - Last edited on 24-Jun-2010 02:21:47 by Yrolg

Yrolg

Yrolg

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This is my goal. I do not intend to please 80% of the readers I receive on these forums. These readers flock here to find easy to read, easy to follow, easy to like stories. This is in part responsible for the success that “noob stories” have acquired – they are perhaps the quintessential representation of the factors which make formula fiction. Their script format allows readers to basically skip over anything they don’t like, and the contemporary-driven colloquialistic style of writing combines with the generally simple plot to create, above all else, a story that is easy to follow, easy to read, and easy to like.
My stories, however, endeavour not to be these things. I don’t want my story simple to follow; I want it to be an original plot that makes you think. I don’t want my story to be easy to read; I want my readers to sometimes have to stop and think about what has happened, and how that could affect the future of the story. And perhaps most of all, I don’t want my story easy to like; I want it to be the enduring style that will be cherished in two hundred years, not the flitty formula that will be number one for a few weeks and then forgotten.
Because of this, I am inclined to believe that variation and description of verbal cues (said, responded, asked, etc.) is better. By using the word “accused” instead of “asked” I am adding an entire other dimension to the inquiry. Now, the reader knows that the character wasn’t mildly asking out of curiosity. Instead, the character is snidely asking a question that he or she believes he or she already knows the answer to.

25-Feb-2010 12:24:33

Yrolg

Yrolg

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Kylebooker1, you bring up a very valid point that I have never disagreed with. Every literary technique has its place. In the pedantic ramblings of the mundane (which consume much of every story’s dialogue), “said” and “responded” are all that is necessary. In these bland expanses of necessary boredom, there is nothing of such importance or difference that a variation would be necessary. In my story, however, these sections of unimportant dialogue have yet to be introduced (other than, perhaps, in Chapter I). They are also substantially shorter, allowing for lesser emphasis on the word.
I hope to respond more fully to your views, Kylebooker1. It is very kind of you to take the time to post your thoughts, and I don’t want your effort to go forgotten. I have read them all, but I must leave now, without time to respond. :|

25-Feb-2010 12:24:49

Crocefisso

Crocefisso

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In you essay a few posts above, Yrolg, you wrote something I profoundly disagree with?
"This simplicity has really been the case since the mid 1960s, growing to represent an ever larger proportion of the market."
I would argue that there are quite a few exceptions. Salman Rushdie and Umberto Eco rose to prominence in the 1980s. Gabriel García Márquez wrote One Hundred Years of Solitude in the 1960s. Italo Calvino wrote arguably his best work, Invisible Cities (which I'm sure you love if you like dialogue) in the 1970s. Gao Xingjian's novels entered print in the 1980s. The list goes on.
P.S. Your story is the next on my 'To Read' list, once I finish Dreamweaver's "Nildi of Keldagrim". I'm expecting a lot from you, Yrolg. ;)

25-May-2010 21:25:54

Yrolg

Yrolg

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Your counterexamples don't really hold much water here, I'm afraid. They were a) not popular enough to hold substance within a debate on ideas of such magnitude, and b) not relevant to the demographic studies performed.
I should expect literature of comparable merit and popularity to Harry Potter, Twilight, and similar works. To say that a few books have been popular since 1960 with complex plots is not in discordance with my statement, furthermore, as I have merely developed an analysis projecting the imminent depopularisation of complexity. I did not at any point say that there were no works of a nonsimplistic nature that were popular, but, rather, that those of such a nature were growing more popular as compared to the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries.

Also, I wouldn't hold my breath for Lunar Eclipse. I gave myself the customary 6 month break for a quality check, and I'm utterly appalled. I am reworking a total edition of the piece thusfar.

25-May-2010 23:11:28 - Last edited on 26-May-2010 21:22:32 by Yrolg

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