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RS Story Contest #4 - Survivor

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Tabris V
Oct Member 2010

Tabris V

Posts: 7,587 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The Hunted ran under the spinning blades, hoping to slow the Hunter for a few precious seconds. Sweat streamed down the Hunted's face, dripping into a scraggly beard. He leaped the stepping pillars two at a time, with the Hunter right behind him. The fleeing man tagged the pillar, and a small piece of paper came out. The Hunted added it to his collection. Only nine more to go.

This was justice for the people of Karamja, the tribe of the Laranki people. Anyone accused of anything greater than a small insult would be sent to the Arena, and become the Hunted. They would be sent in with the commission to collect twenty pieces of paper from the mysterious pillars. Meanwhile, one of the Hunters would chase them, armed with a traditional erein, a stone-tipped spear. The Hunted, as per tradition, was given the srakti, a sharpened wooden stake poisoned with a snake's venom.

The Gods had built the Arena. They had provided everything to the Laranki, from food and water to things like justice. All the Laranki willingly accepted the challenge of the Arena, for they knew that the Gods would not let a man be unjustly killed. This particular Hunted was expected to die very quickly, for he was a thief that had been seen by the victim and four other respectable members of the tribe.

The Hunted nimbly dodged a trio of dangerous darts, vaguely hoping that one of the darts had struck the Hunter. He knew that there was no hope in hand-to-hand combat. The Hunters were a special groups, revered in the same way that continental revered executioners. No one really knew their identity until they were defeated, and even then only a select few who knew the child before selection would recognize him. The Elders selected the Hunters for their speed and strength, and many of the Hunters were as strong as three normal men combined.

24-Jun-2011 07:42:16

Tabris V
Oct Member 2010

Tabris V

Posts: 7,587 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The Hunted swung over the great gulf below on a rope swing, barely avoiding having the rope cut by the Hunter's erein. Seven more papers, then he could leave. The next pillar called, over in the south-east corner. The erein swung behind him as the Hunted leapt onto the pillars, flying two and three at a time.

The Hunted desperately leaped over the low, crumbling wall before him. His lungs were burning. The thought that he wouldn't survive began to dawn on him. A balancing log lay before him. He slowed to shuffle his way over, but the pounding footsteps forced him to leap the last few feet. The Hunted tagged the pillar just as the Hunter leaped and crashed onto the log, with erein pointed down. The wood cracked, and the Hunter jumped once more before the log snapped in two and plunged down into the lava below.

The predator and his prey faced each other over the stubby pillar, one gasping for breath, the other barely sweating. The Hunted's heart pounded. He drew the srakti from his belt, and prepared to die with a little honor. The erein came stabbing over the pillar. The Hunted dodged easily, but he had no doubt that this would not be the only attack. The jumped up, and plunged the erein down as he landed on the pillar. The srakti nipped at his ankles, not quite managing to land a poisoning bite.

The Hunter leapt from the pillar, leaving the Hunted only one choice: to attempt to flee over a narrow ledge. The Hunted edged towards the shelf, ducking the odd stab as certain death pursued him. His foot reached the beginning, and he slowly and carefully stepped backwards over the sharp stakes below.

The Hunter plunged the erein into the bricks of the wall, using it as a handhold the walk on to the ledge. The Hunted saw his chance and took it. He leapt from the ledge, and his entire body crashed into the Hunter. Both lost their footing, and only the Hunter managed to grab the edge. As he hung, the srakti plunged into his back, and he felt the Hunted clamber up.

24-Jun-2011 07:42:31

Supreme Pac
Dec Member 2008

Supreme Pac

Posts: 4,077 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Bottles of potions boiled and bubbled on burners around the store. A wiry gray-haired man stood at one of the counters flipping through and ancient leather-bound book, murmuring to himself.

The door creaked open, causing the man to look up from his book."Hello Lady DeMarne," wheezed the man, bowing slightly.

The woman narrowed her eyes at him. "Do not speak my name out loud someone might hear you!" she hissed, removing the hood to reveal a mane of voluptuous crimson hair.

"Of course not my Lady. My deepest apologizes," he wheezed again with another bow, "you have the ingredients I presume?"

"Yes yes it is all here. Three Aloe leaves, two bouts of Erzile, and one bunch of Samaden," she replied dropping the herbs onto the table.

The man scooped the herbs into his bony arms and dropped them inside a large stone bowl. He grabbed a tiny grounder and began to ground the herbs together until they were a fine dust before searching one of his many cabinets and extracting a vial labeled "Spit of Gnaral Demon".

He poured the powdered herbs into the vial and set it to simmer on one of his burners. "A few moments to simmer and it shall be ready," he announced.

Lady DeMarne grew impatient as she waited. "Aha here it is," he said handing the vial over to her which contained a sickly looking green liquid.

The Lady thanked the man before exiting the store and heading back to the home she shared with her cousin Juliet and uncle Leptoc. Once she had entered she proceeded to whip up a Short Green Guy to disguise the color of the liquid.

'I'll just change my clothes and then go find Romeo,' she thought heading to the room her and Juliet shared. She sat the drink down on a table and proceeded to change.

As she was changing she heard Juliet enter the room and rummage around in some drawers. She scowled annoyed at the thought of her cousin. Once she was done changing she walked from behind the changing stand and picked up the Short Green Guy.

24-Jun-2011 07:44:04 - Last edited on 24-Jun-2011 08:03:27 by Supreme Pac

Supreme Pac
Dec Member 2008

Supreme Pac

Posts: 4,077 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Her eyes bulged as she saw it was empty. She glanced up at Juliet who had a strange look in her eye as she stared at her.

"Why Phillipa I never realized how full your bosom was," whispered Juliet seductively, approaching Phillipa slowly.

"I-uhm," began Phillipa before Juliet pounced.

Phillipa found that for a petite young woman that Juliet was fairly strong as she threw her to the ground and tore off her clothes.

Juliet ripped open Phillipa's dress to reveal the body beneath and began kissing every visible spot of flesh. Phillipa gasped in astonishment and pleasure as Juliet moved further down her body.


---

Hours later Juliet and Phillipa laid in a mess of legs and sheets blissfully tangled together. Phillipa glanced over at Juliet, the annoyance she had felt for long since passed.

'Best potion ever,' she thought as she cuddled up next to Juliet and followed her into the world of dreams.

24-Jun-2011 07:44:37 - Last edited on 24-Jun-2011 08:13:35 by Supreme Pac

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
That's it, Round Two is CLOSED. No entries submitted past this point will be accepted.

Because of inactivity, Trebor115, Veranysis, Doom 5500, Indignation and iChuk have been removed from the contest. They will not receive placings, as they have not entered any stories.

24-Jun-2011 08:00:34

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
WolfLord7777: I enjoyed the integration of thieving into this story, particularly in regards to the execution of the crime. Generally your entry was pretty clean, but a few annoying points, such as the repetition of the word “silky” to describe dialogue, were clumsy. Overall, everything was pretty well written, but I would like to see some more unique and intriguing plots from you, as well as twists.

L-U-T-O: Taking on agility was, in my opinion, one of the hardest to do, and especially as a course. However, I feel that you were just recounting the gnome agility course rather than “showing” a story. You change tense a few times, as well as include some sentences that don’t make sense, but you improved from your last entry. Your grammar was also better in this entry, though a few errors in punctuation are evident. I think to improve this entry, you should have taken a more descriptive stance and made the course seem as more of a challenge. You could have also included a lot more emotive language, as you have written in first person.

Sir Lamentar: This entry is hypnotising. Your grasp on pace of the story, maintained with a well-placed semicolon at the end of the first paragraph, relaxes me every time I read it. The lazy atmosphere is captured perfectly through sentences such as “the sigh weaving through the breeze” and “rays stroking his face”, as well. The writing was very clean as well, aside from an apostrophe on “its” in the first sentence, but that is made irrelevant by a very well written story which captures fishing perfectly.

24-Jun-2011 11:20:11

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The Level: Another brilliant entry. With use of great description and metaphors, like the last sentence in paragraph two, you capture the essence of this story very well indeed. Writing like this always leaves the biggest impact on any reader, and though it isn’t the typical definition of firemaking, you weave everything around a wonderfully twisted plot. This entry shows perfectly that sometimes the shortest stories are the best ones.

Xanthian93: The impact your entry left on me was lasting, and you have done that well, along with the use of present tense to really build the suspense and tension. However, what I particularly like about your story is the emotions you go through, and how that progresses to the end. There were a few clumsy sentences, but apart from that, rather clean. It certainly wasn’t enough to hurt you. Maybe it was just because of the style you chose to write in, but I would have really liked some more strong description. Regardless, you have written a great story that matches the dungeoneering skill well.

Archive: A very simple story with a cli(c)max that you build up to nicely. The addition of the final sentence really links it back to the theme, so I congratulate you on that – without it, your entry would not have been nearly as strong. There are a few awkward sentences, but I appreciate the succinct nature of each one as it adds a certain flavour to the story. There isn’t much else I have to say about it, except that I would have liked a little more impact from one of the shorter entries. It is well written, though.

24-Jun-2011 11:20:21 - Last edited on 24-Jun-2011 11:21:57 by Borna Coric

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