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Yrolg

Yrolg

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Yrolg's Rubric for "Origins"
Literary Tools: 90/150
--Description: 25/40
--Voice: 19/25
--Symbolism: 10/25
--Depth: 9/20
--Analysis: 5/20
--Word Choice: 14/20
--Juxtaposition: 8/10

Structure: 72/120
--Format: 36/40
--Grammar: 5/30
--Usage: 10/20
--Sentence Configuration: 12/15
--Basics: 9/15
Plot: 67/100
--Development: 28/40
--Intricacy: 22/30
--Consistency: 11/15
--Originality: 6/15
Other: 41/90
--Impact: 14/20
--Flow: 7/20
--Conclusion: 4/15
--Theme: 7/15
--Empathetic Ties: 7/10
--Title Relevance: 9/10
Layout: 62/90
--Introduction: 25/30
--Overall Appearance: 17/20
--Title Page: 10/15
--Chapter Configuration: 10/15

Total: 332/520 63.8%

11-Jul-2010 00:52:22

Yrolg

Yrolg

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The following is my review of "Origins". Please be sure to read the disclaimer at the end before replying. :)

ON "ORIGINS" BY CREEPTER
A Review by Yrolg
The eponymous novel, "Origins", is a story describing the attempts of protagonist Créptyn to right the injustices of a corrupt Prifddinasian government. Focusing on what the author terms "the darkest chapter of elven history", it details the adventures of Créptyn (whose constant name changes shall be ignored in this review) and the other heads of the elven government as they struggle to disempower the corrupt despot Yéltín before he succeeds in his attempts at eradicating all other species. When Créptyn is cast out from the elven capital, it changes lenses, focusing instead on his internal battle between escaping his past and saving the elven kingdom.
Billed both as an "entertaining story" and a piece whose author was a self-styled "lazy error-checker", the story begins immediately with a rainbow of clichéd ideas, presented in some disguised prologue. The reader, of course, must first dissect what can only be construed as a demonstration of grammatical failure before attempting to embark on the prologue's journey of disinterest. After being distracted by a failed search for coherency in the mishmash of ignored English, the audience is at last plunged into a scene of interest, though to plunge would insinuate that the first two posts of the story were something other than expository rhetoric. Within these long bouts of introductory dullness, the author succeeds in fulfilling the stereotypical requisite of an extraordinarily powerful protagonist, further discrediting any misnomered notion that "Origins" would be nominally original.

11-Jul-2010 00:52:44

Yrolg

Yrolg

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Once the action does begin, however, the author revitalizes his incomprehension of the English language, sprinkling errors on his piece like powdered sugar on a circus funnel cake. The analogy of the circus is only furthered when the reader is at last able to decipher the story underneath -- through a process of decoding which may be called anything but enjoyable -- only to realize too late the comical futility of the effort. In this literary circus of disappointment, the ringmaster can be nothing but the dialogue, which may be described complimentarily as "lackluster". Long bouts of unnecessary dialogue do happen to distract the reader from realizing that there is no apparent theme in the story, despite the constrution of corruption, love, friendship, loyalty, morality, religion, government interference, politics, and dozens of other ideas as contenders, but at the cost of any connection or impact the story could have ever had.
Despite intelligible language being necessary for the proper enjoyment of the story, the reader must look past this fundamental. Despite interesting dialogue being integral to the connection of the audience to the story, the reader must look past this basepoint. Instead, he focuses on the plot: the majority of what constitutes a story. And recalling the rainbow of unoriginality that was the first few chapters, he is evermore subject to contemplation of the severely lacking quality in the piece. This is only further exacerbated when he realizes that the "plot of gold" at the end of this dreary rainbow is filled with pyrite coins of such flatness and mediocrity they are comparable only to the uninteresting characters which make it.

11-Jul-2010 00:52:54

Yrolg

Yrolg

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Long bouts of suspenseful intrigue really do help to draw the reader in throughout the body of the work, with subplots such as the mysterious Kejim and his network or ideas of Créptyn and Jemma's affair pervading throughout. But as the story wraps up, and the author again employs the techniques learned from the clearance-shelved, 99¢ "How to Write An A/A Story" handbook (using death as if it were a literary technique), the characters -- and any hope that their subplots might become some redeeming value -- are killed. In fact, it is only through plot holes and an ill-conceived epilogue that the reader is able to discern any information regarding Kejim, and what little is gleamed is far from satisfying his craving, instead serving the aroma necessary to remind him of his desire.
Perhaps overall enjoyment of the story would have been improved if the last five chapters -- themselves representing far too much of the story -- had been both better delivered and better divided. Nearly quadrupling the length of earlier chapters, these novellas dragged what might have been a surprising and moderately enjoyable ending through the mud. Any momentum that the body of the story might have built (a discerning reader will know to completely disregard the beginning) is lost as the story reaches the brick wall at "Puppetmaster". This part, epitomizing the errors found elsewhere, uses mundanity and prolix to effectively warn the reader of the disappointment which the end would bring. Far more encouraging a move would have been to replace the needless dialogue, unnecessary description, repetitive wording, and prolixious rambling of the final chapters with resolutions to the subplots which would become the sole redeeming factor of the excessively drawn-out story.

11-Jul-2010 00:53:07

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Any reader wishing to start this story should be aware that they seek entrance to a historic place. In 2008, on this very thread, an author waged war against grammatical accuracy and literary interest, and, in a venerable Waterloo for the latter, he won. Let entrants beware: herein lies the kingdom of grammatical error. Its royalty reigns supreme: Prince Expository Dialogue, Princess Unresolved Conflicts, the Duke of Prolix, and the Baron of Ruined Endings all serve admirably.
--Yrolg, "Yrolg's Reviews".

DISCLAIMER: The above is a type of review not yet attempted by "Yrolg's Reviews". As such, it is experimental; any and all feedback is appreciated. Its criticality does not necessarily designate this piece's inferiority to any previously adjudicated application, as the standards, style, and format have been changed.

11-Jul-2010 00:53:17

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11-Jul-2010 16:19:09

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"With edition, you might yet be the first person whose review earns one of my prestigious titles."
Ah, this is rather unlikely. I'm not so skilled as that. However, it might make the difference between a D and a C sort of grade! :D

11-Jul-2010 18:39:00

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