Tremble mortals, and fear
Her Divine Majesty, Grandma, the Supreme Creator Goddess of Cookies
. Her Commandments and Tenets are Thus:
1. Thou shalt sacrifice all thy cookies and sweets unto Her Divine Majesty.
2. Thou shalt not offer cookies of the Raisin and Oatmeal for they are abominations.
3. Thou shalt always cry over spilt milk, or suffer drowning by spilt milk.
4. Thou shalt not covet the Chips of Chocolate, or suffer the pain of Raisins of the Oatmeal.
5. Thou shalt not touch fresh sweets until they have cooled.
6. Thou shalt not touch fresh sweets even after they have cooled.
7. Thou shalt revere Whole Milk of the Cow as Holy, or suffer the drink of the Skim Milk.
8. Thou shalt stay out of the Kitchen unbidden, for it is the Holy of Holies.
9. Close. Your. Mouth. When. You. Chew.
10. KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS OUT OF THE COOKIE JAR!!!!!
Such are Her Divine Majesty's Commandments and Tenets
, and easy are their Yoke to bear, for it is that of the Chicken's Egg (Brown or White, it does not matter).
Her Divine Majesty
shall apportion Great Wealth of Cookies to those who keep Her ways, a Wealth coveted especially among the Gods, for
Her Divine Majesty alone wields the Greatest of Artifacts, The Elder Recipe
. Her Divine Majesty is a part of The Elder Recipe, from whence She Came, and from whence It Came Itself.
Her Portions are without Measure, and Her Ingredients Most Secret, and to Knead the Dough of Her Board is a pleasure most Sweet. Heed now and Obey the Commandments and Tenets of
Her Divine Majesty, Grandma, the Supreme Creator Goddess of Cookies
, and thou shalt know Sweetness Divine.
Mortals, ye are Entreated, the Supreme Creator Goddess of Cookies, Grandma
.