forums.rs

Forums

Losing a Loved One

Quick find code: 23-24-413-66186923

of 8
CM Arbor

CM Arbor

Local Moderator Posts: 1,945 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Today is Halloween, which means we're a few days out from the Day of the Dead on November 2nd. In light of that, I thought it might be interesting for us forum folk to talk about something serious: death. Specifically, I'm talking about losing a loved one.

In honour of the Day of the Dead, let's pay homage to the memories of those lost loved ones, and talk to each other about something real, arduous, and emotional. How have you dealt with the loss of loved ones? What advice would you give to others going through this ordeal, or who continue to experience that grief? Do you feel permanently changed from such experiences?

31-Oct-2020 20:22:38

CM Arbor

CM Arbor

Local Moderator Posts: 1,945 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I'll start, with something recent. I lost my father this month, back on October 6th. He was only 59, and he passed away after a terrible battle with cancer. This event makes the thread pretty personal to me right now, of course, but I wanted to talk about it with all of you, and pick your brains, and let us support each other in talking about these terrible experiences, which some others here may still need or want to talk about.

Everyone keeps asking me how I am, what I'm feeling, and the like, and nearly a month later I still don't know. I understand that my dad is gone, and every so often that emotion wells right back up and hits me like a truck, only to die back down again. It's no surprise, given that he's the closest person to me I've ever lost, but I still can't help but feel like I should be more of a wreck, generally speaking. I was inconsolable when it happened, but since that day I've been able to get back to life and go about my business pretty normally. I'm trying not to hold anything back, and I don't think I am. I just can't help but feel like I should be feeling so much worse.

31-Oct-2020 20:22:47

CM Arbor

CM Arbor

Local Moderator Posts: 1,945 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thanks for the kind advice, Shady Nick. I appreciate it, and your condolences, and I offer my own to you.

That mention of preparing yourself mentally while your loved one was still struggling hits home for me; I definitely did that to some extent as well. I still went a bit mental when it actually happened, but that "prep work" probably has helped things. Also, he was suffering for a long time, so having the thought that he's not in pain anymore is comforting, even if it is a cliché with how often people say it.

Thank you for what you said about comparing grief, too; I always compare things far too much, so I've gotta work on that, in this and in all things!

31-Oct-2020 21:23:01

Haukur

Haukur

Posts: 1,384 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
As a cancer survivor myself, Osteosarcoma IIb, I know the struggle you and nick both went through. For me, I mourn, but also celebrate their life.

When I was at my worst and thought I was going to lose my battle, I sat my husband down, and told him. If I do pass from this, do not mourn me, celebrate the time we have had together. But I am still here kicking, been cancer free now for three years, but it came at a terrible cost, both of my legs just three inches above the knee. Don't ever think the reason I am peaceful is because I do not know how to be violent.
Ekki hugsa alltaf að ég sé friðsælt vegna þess að ég veit ekki hvernig á að vera ofbeldi.

31-Oct-2020 22:14:55

FiFi LaFeles

FiFi LaFeles

Posts: 24,106 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I'm old so people I know dying is not a new experience for me.

My first memory of a family death was a Grandfather; back in those days the open coffin would be set out in the parlour and people would come to pay their respects. I was very young and don't recall feeling grief, only slight irritation that one of his socks had a small hole in (his feet had swollen so shoes could not be put on).

When I was 25 I lost a brother - he was 30 and died of 'recreational' drugs. I was shocked but not terribly upset since we were not close.

In due course I lost both my parents, then another brother, then my sister. I've also lost various other Aunts, Uncles, Cousins etc. and several friends.

My emotions on losing these people have been different in each case, as has the intensity and duration.

I can't give any advice to a bereaved person because as individuals we are all so very different, there is no magic bullet, no one size fits all. This sort of grief is our own private little Hell, to be endured until the passage of time dulls the pain.
Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

31-Oct-2020 22:50:58

XSlay4DeathX
Mar Member 2007

XSlay4DeathX

Posts: 2,634 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Sorry to hear about your father, my step dad died at 62, 5 years ago. He had kidney decease and he made the choice to quit treatment he passed 6 days later, i still haven't gotten over it given all the hiccups that happened. Bank tried to take our house by refusing to accept our 15k cash to pay off the house, if losing someone to them wasn't enough.....this made me realize how messed company policies were, and in the near future i plan to place many lawsuits against many pressing matters on the subject, it's just sickening what people get away with.

And he was a police officer and 2 years before his death they even tried to take away his pension.....cost us 22k in lawyer fees. I don't know how people stand for this crap...

01-Nov-2020 06:58:11

XSlay4DeathX
Mar Member 2007

XSlay4DeathX

Posts: 2,634 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Haukur said :
As a cancer survivor myself, Osteosarcoma IIb, I know the struggle you and nick both went through. For me, I mourn, but also celebrate their life.

When I was at my worst and thought I was going to lose my battle, I sat my husband down, and told him. If I do pass from this, do not mourn me, celebrate the time we have had together. But I am still here kicking, been cancer free now for three years, but it came at a terrible cost, both of my legs just three inches above the knee.

Sorry to hear that, i really hate cancer it's a form of torture in my eyes. i know 5+ who died from it so far.

@FiFi LaFeles sorry to hear that.

01-Nov-2020 07:06:42

Quick find code: 23-24-413-66186923 Back to Top