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Dragons of Surdaus

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Smok Taunter

Smok Taunter

Posts: 58,110 Emerald Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Personally I feel that charcter development and chapter length could be improved on. Really it that epic and I found myself not caring for anyone in the story. Though if you can that's a great feat right there, I hardly ever feel many emotions from books XD. Except laughter... Hitchhikers Guide is awsomly funny :) .

05-Mar-2008 21:00:35

spearmonkey7

spearmonkey7

Posts: 1,519 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Okay, I don't have the time for an actual review... And I don't like 'em so much... And let's face it, I wouldn't be able to do one if I tried... So...
I understand what you mean about not being emotionally attached to the characters. When Seeldah died my only thought was, 'Oops, too bad for her.' I thought your description was great, except for the fact that you used 'streaming' and 'beautiful' a wee bit too much. Your grammer was near perfect, I only saw one or two mistakes.
Overall I thought the story was outstanding. I do plan on reading the next installment, soon, hopefully after school.

06-Mar-2008 15:19:37

xxDkreignxx

xxDkreignxx

Posts: 10,061 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You both are absolutely right: The Character Development wasn't all that great in this Story.
It definitely does improve in Orion's Call, though. Dragons of Surdaus is meant as a Prologue to Orion's call, explaining what leads up to that, so it improves dramatically in Part II. As a Prologue, DoS basically introduces the characters, then builds on them in the Sequel. Even so, it could use quite a few improvements, so I'll get to work on that.
I'm working on improving and adding on some scenes to improve the story (Though, for reasons that will be explained later, Aaron's trip to the Avians' Eyrie will not be described in this story).
Thanks for the feedback.

07-Mar-2008 00:54:32 - Last edited on 07-Mar-2008 01:07:01 by xxDkreignxx

Smok Taunter

Smok Taunter

Posts: 58,110 Emerald Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Welcome. And if it wasn't for the lack of substance in the chapter and lack of some hcarcter development I would say "Get this published." Certinaly good material and sense its not RS related you don't have to go through much alterations to remove mentions to RS and Jagex.

07-Mar-2008 20:29:10

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