Forums
Dragons of Surdaus
Quick find code: 49-50-979-51303065
![[#42J4VY9ZL]](https://forums.rs/img/avatars/default.png)
Artie, you're definitely good at describing sceneries, as I observed when you wrote down the sunset and how the rays split on the forest, or something like that. Even though you're good in that area, I think you could boost up your talent by writing more frequent descriptions of the surrounding. Not only does it give a story more depth, but it could be critical in situations where you're stuck in a plot-hole. (A word I made up
)
Like, Aaron was in the forest battling the Avian. What happened if he was outpowered? Wouldn't he be able to use the trees for cover, and potentially some boulders for offensive attacks? It is all in the scenery.
Your main faults are the pace, and character development. They're both intertwined as I noticed in the earlier posts. Aaron and Skye are too emotionally attached, and that was for one post. If you're going to make it a quickie bond, at least sustain it throughout the posts. I only read the first part, so correct me if they are still friends in the second half.
You could also describe more of the characters themselves. I noticed a bit of your talent of describing flow over to the characters, but I could not, simply could not get a picture of them. The Avian; what shape was it's head? Did it have a beak? Did it have two wings, what shape were the wings? Were they sharp tipped, or rounded?
That's my twenty-five cents.
)
Like, Aaron was in the forest battling the Avian. What happened if he was outpowered? Wouldn't he be able to use the trees for cover, and potentially some boulders for offensive attacks? It is all in the scenery.
Your main faults are the pace, and character development. They're both intertwined as I noticed in the earlier posts. Aaron and Skye are too emotionally attached, and that was for one post. If you're going to make it a quickie bond, at least sustain it throughout the posts. I only read the first part, so correct me if they are still friends in the second half.
You could also describe more of the characters themselves. I noticed a bit of your talent of describing flow over to the characters, but I could not, simply could not get a picture of them. The Avian; what shape was it's head? Did it have a beak? Did it have two wings, what shape were the wings? Were they sharp tipped, or rounded?
That's my twenty-five cents.
25-Jan-2008 01:28:55
Quick find code: 49-50-979-51303065 Back to Top