forums.rs

Forums

The World in Flames 2

Quick find code: 49-50-924-57913680

of 67
Serene End
Jul Member 2020

Serene End

Posts: 5,834 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thank you very much ^_^ .

P.S: Quite possibly the next chapter.

EDIT: Sorry I couldn't get him in earlier, I'm trying to add these characters in the best way I can.
The end
is only
the beginning...

25-Nov-2008 19:40:28 - Last edited on 07-Jun-2016 23:24:28 by Serene End

Ark Von Doom

Ark Von Doom

Posts: 6,501 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Using the incredible power of turkey, I have created: This Chapter's Edits!
Unnecessary repetition of words: You say "reads" 4 times in the 2nd and 3rd sentences. You say "slowly" twice in the 4th sentence. "in the room" twice in paragraph 2 s 1. "Knowing" twice p2s2.
"The more he reads the more tease he looks" should say "tense"
"Alrous feeds for" should be "feeds off"
"which I heard was raided upon" doesn't need upon
"Spero continued to replied" should be reply.
"kept safe at the sacred city of balance until it was attack" should be "in the sacred city" and "until it was attacked"
"Take hundred soldiers" needs an "a"
"if you saw so" should be "say so"
Raphael quotes:
Faust: Ah you're awake.
Raphael: Where am I?
Faust: Your in my lab, don't try to get up, your body still needs to adjust.
Raphael: Who are you?
Faust: Faust Lidvershi, but that's not important. Lord Vexxazrin...
Raphael: I need to see my parents, they must think...

27-Nov-2008 04:46:45 - Last edited on 27-Nov-2008 05:15:02 by Ark Von Doom

Ark Von Doom

Ark Von Doom

Posts: 6,501 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Faust: They're both dead. Saradomin believed you told them the message and covered the security breach accordingly. You have my sympathies.
Raphael: And Zilyana, is she...
Faust: The commander is fine, some of Armadyll's men vouched for her ignorance.
Raphael: I have to see her immediately, she must think I'm dead!
Faust: I don't think you fully grasp the situation. You have been branded a traitor, your family has been executed, and two months ago you were practically a winged pincushion! The lesser gods you worhip have betrayed you, there's no going back to the old ways. Now get dressed, you're about to meet with a REAL god.
Sorry about the really long post :p

27-Nov-2008 05:37:05 - Last edited on 27-Nov-2008 05:40:56 by Ark Von Doom

Serene End
Jul Member 2020

Serene End

Posts: 5,834 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Happy Turkey Day everybody! :P

That does it, next time I'll triple check. Thank again Ark for correcting me, I appreciate it. ^_^

However, I am unable to correct my mistakes until tomorrow.

EDIT: Oh, by the way. Your long post is okay, I have no problem with long posts.
The end
is only
the beginning...

27-Nov-2008 18:05:00 - Last edited on 07-Jun-2016 23:25:20 by Serene End

Quick find code: 49-50-924-57913680 Back to Top