Chapter 22
"Zenovia grabs his right wrist and began dragging him outside" change began dragging to begins to drag
"I'm heading over to the local library to see if I can found a book about Alrous" found should be find
"He was thrown at the wall, his back smacks the light gray wall. The darker Dante walks over to Dante and stomped on him once" he was should be he is, stomped should be stomps
"It passed 9 hours and 30 minutes, it was 4:30 PM" change to "9 hours and 30 minutes passed, it was now 4:30 PM"
"Alrous looks out the window of his room up on the tenth floor of his tower and watched the sunset. A glass of wine was in his left hand, he took a sip of it, and puts it down on the table next to him" past and present tense are mixed together, change watched to watches, a glass of wine (change was to is) in his left hand, and change took to takes.
Chapter 23:
"Heavy amounts of snow was falling from the dark, cloudless sky." was should be were
"At the front of the castle was Saradomin and Armadyl" was should be were
"Alrous, the Unbalanced god, threats" threats should be threatens
"Thousands of Steel Undead raised from the ground with their weapons drawn behind the group" raised should be rose
"It was a room with stained glass windows on all fours side" four doesn't need an s
"It was Julia and a army of 500 Steel Undead" a should be an
"where you'll spend the rest of your life at" the at is unneccesary
Chapter 24
"and hops out Thanatos" should be "and Thanatos hops out"
"Alfred, I'm sure I don't have to tell you who you have to goes against" goes should be go
"Suddenly, Thanatos is in golfed in fire" in golfed should be engulfed
"Thanatos' armour was kind of melted, it still maintain it's shape however" maintain should be maintained
"The arrow was a dragon arrow with a spell craved into it" craved should be carved
"Cameron tries to move his limbs but them won't move" them should be they
Onto the next post
16-Feb-2009 02:44:48
