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Azi Demonica

Azi Demonica

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Very good.

I will continue posting later tonight, as I just noticed a leak in the roof, so my first step is to shovel all the snow off and see what's up. Though it is dark outside, so I won't get much done, but I have to at least shovel snow off. Be back in a bit!

13-Mar-2017 02:48:11

NotFishing

NotFishing

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Original message details are unavailable.
Annie repiled in the same voice," I following was a scouting party, and saw a warrior risk his life and limb to save a woman being vastly outnumbered by two increasingly hostile forces. I wondered why he took such a great risk to protect a stranger. I wanted to know,if this woman was more than meets the eye. So I decided to follow them to find out. Then the woman confirmed it was her and I follow them here. I'll do anything you say,just don't hurt me or kill me. I am telling you the truth."

Okay, aside from the plagiarism, this is definitely better.

Minor point of contention though: Joric never revealed Aylin was the Chosen until they made it past the gate, and by that point Annie was still outside.

However, you don't have to change anything, unless you really want to. The King's question pretty much confirmed that Aylin was the chosen one. Also, the story is believable, and Aylin and Joric aren't around to dispute it, so you can get away with lying about that particular point. Plus, the version you wrote is more likely to be believed than what actually happened.

Hopefully this doesn't come across as nagging. I may have joked about it in the past, and implied that it would happen, but I actually don't want to execute your character. Beneath the gold, the Bitter Steel.

13-Mar-2017 03:04:30 - Last edited on 13-Mar-2017 03:06:07 by NotFishing

NotFishing

NotFishing

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Annie1227 said :
No, your not nagging at all. You are helping me become a better RPer. Sorry about the plagiarism. Thought I could use that.

I'm not actually mad about you using it. However, in the future you should try to put things into your own words. Not only will it help with RP, but it can be used later in life if you ever need to research something. Beneath the gold, the Bitter Steel.

13-Mar-2017 03:17:13

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