RuneScape Forum Archive | The Kingnoob series

Sirapyro

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Chspter490 - Mage training 3

Kingnoob: *Stares at the forest in awe...and a little fear.*
Blue: Well we aren't going to finish this task standing around.
Milkshake: Before you go, remember this: only new age magic will work against anything you might find in this forest.
Blue: Charming.
Lizzy: Well see you guys later.
Kingnoob and Blue: Ugh.

One hour later...

Kingnoob: *Tangles in vines.* Why are there vines in this forest!?!
Blue: *Tries to cut him free.*I don't know.
Kingnoob: Why won't these vines cut?
Blue: I actually don't know. They feel scaly and slimy actually.
Kingnoob: *Slowly slides out.* Really?
Blue: Yah...it's almost like-
Vine: *Twitches.*
Kingnoob:

Blue: SNAKE!!
Snake: *Opens eyes and looks down at the two.*
Blue: RUN!
Kingnoob: *Bolts off.*
Blue: *Throws a beer bomb back and follows Kingnoob.*
Snake: *Unaffected by the bomb.*S-s-s-s-s-s-s!
Snake2: S-s-s-s-s!
Snake3: S-s-s!
Kingnoob: (Bleep)!
Blue: *Trips.*
Kingnoob: *Slips.*
Blue: Get up, get up, get up!
Kingnoob: *Gets up and blindly casts inferno at the snakes.*
Snake: *Eyes the attack in fear, then dodges.*
Blue: Of course, this must be there first challenge! We have to defeat these snakes!
Kingnoob: Easier said than-
Snake2: *Wraps around Kingnoob.*
Blue: NO!*Casts air knife.*
Snake2: S~s~s~s!*Releases Kingnoob.*
Kingnoob: *Gasps for breath, then casts hurricane.*
Snake2: *Blows into the air, but grasps to a tree and slings itself back towards Kingnoob.*
Blue: *Pics up a stick and smacks the snake off course.*
Kingnoob: Nice shot.
Blue: *Spins around and casts quake on Snake3.*Thank me later.
Kingnoob: *Dodges an attack from the first snake.*
Snake: S-s-s-s-s-s-s!
Kingnoob: Yeah. yeah, yeah. S-s-s all you want!
Blue: *Casts hurricane on Snake3 and it crashes into the first Snake.*
Kingnoob: Nice! But I don't think that's going to be enough. Join The Questing Clan of RuneScape! !

01-Dec-2008 02:59:17 - Last edited on 05-Dec-2008 02:13:40 by Sirapyro

Sirapyro

Posts: 10,736 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter491 - Siege 3

Hi stood at the front of the ground attack force, everything almost seemed to quiet, until there was a loud whistle.

Hi: *Grips his sword tighter.*
Rock: *Bursts through the city gates.*
Hi: *Pulls out his sword and quickly smashes the rock.*
Shanee: Men, prepare for there first wave!
Wave: -.-
Shanee: Heh heh...get ready!
2654: Front line, fire!
Rangers: *Fire strange glowing arrows in the direction of the enemy army.*
Giant boar: *Bursts through the door, crushing a few soldiers.*
Wave: Ahh!*Pulls out his whips.*
Hi: *Charges at the boar, but is blown back by its screech.*
Shanee: *Quickly flips over the Boar's attack, and attempts to land on its back.*
Soldier: *Fires an arrow through Shanee's hand.
Shanee: AAH!*Falls to the ground, holding his hand in pain.*
Soldier: How you like that General?
Rev: *Smack the soldier in the back of the head with a large metal pole.*That's how we do it back west!*Puts on a cowboy hat.*
Soldier: *Tries to tackle Rev, but goes right through him.*
Rev: Ha ha!
Soldier3: *Takes the hat.*
Rev: *Pulls out a whip and kills the soldier without looking.*
2654: What are you? Indiana Jones?

Indy theme plays.

Rev: I am for all you know.
Wave: REV!*Whips one of the many soldiers around himself.*
Rev: Should I help him?...
Wave: Omg...
Cerberus: WOOF!*Jumps down and starts shredding the soldiers around Wave to pieces.*
Survivor: Run for your lives!
Survivor2: Mad dog! Mad dog!
Cerberus: *Goofy smile.*
Rev: *Standing still while many soldiers kill each other trying to kill him.*This is pathetic.*Casts some Revenant spell and kills the soldiers.* Join The Questing Clan of RuneScape! !

01-Dec-2008 02:59:18 - Last edited on 05-Dec-2008 02:14:28 by Sirapyro

Sirapyro

Posts: 10,736 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter492 - Mage training 4

Kingnoob: *Casts air knife rapidly as he backs away from the snake.*
Snake: *Easily maneuvers around the attacks and once again wraps around Kingnoob.*
Blue: King-*Wrapped by Snake2.*
Snake: *Deep menacing voice.*Human intruders, you shall not go any further.
Blue: What are- you going to do with us?
Snake2: We will simply keep you imprisoned so our offspring can eat you later.
Kingnoob: Pleasant.
Snake3: Let's go.
Blue: *Scoffs.*
Snake: Why does this one scoff at us?
Blue: Oh no reason.
Snake: NO! You know something!
Blue: Of course I know stuff! But we're pretty much doomed.
Snake3: He is lying! We must kill them now!
Blue: *Manages to wiggle one finger free and casts Inferno at the vine crossing over the first snakes tail.*
Snake: *Shrieks in pain and lets Kingnoob go.*
Kingnoob: *Casts shock on Snake2.*
Snake2: *Goes stiff and drops Blue.*
Snake: *Shrieks louder as the fire consumes its whole body.*
Snake3: *Dies from the electricity.*
Snake3: *Shrieks in anger and leaps at Kingnoob.*
Kingnoob: **Narrows his eyes and quickly brings up his hands, so fast you couldn't see them move. He caught the snake and pushed it back without struggling at all.*
Snake3: *Crashes into a tree and a terrible crunching noise is heard.*
Blue: *Gets up.* Well...I think we should camp here for the night.
Kingnoob: Why? Its not even dark.
Blue: No, but we should probably rest after that fight.
Kingnoob: Yah...what should we do with the bodies?
Blue We should give them to Lizzy and Milkshake as gifts since they made us kill them. >.<
Kingnoob: Laughs.* Good one.
Blue: I'm not kidding. Join The Questing Clan of RuneScape! !

01-Dec-2008 15:30:10 - Last edited on 05-Dec-2008 02:14:56 by Sirapyro

Sirapyro

Posts: 10,736 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter493 - Siege 4

Scorch: *Rolls out of the cannon room, sashes the head off of a solider and runs up to Hi.*We're out!
Hi: Great, now they should be coming in with greater numbers.
Rev: What do we do?
Shanee: *Walks over, arrow still in his hand.*
Rev: *Pukes up in mouth.*
Shanee: It doesn't feel much better Revenant.
Rev: *Smiles with puke still in his mouth.*
Cerberus: *Looks at Rev oddly.*
Wave: Move back to the castle! I have a feeling that this wall is going down very soon.

A few minutes after the group reached the castle, the front wall of Kinoob did fall. Massive boars and salamanders came through the hole. Vala rode on top of a large red Salamander.

Kinoob soldier: *Screams and throws a dagger.*
Vala: *Catches it and crushes it.*
Kinoob solider: *Gasps in fear, and then is killed by a boar.*
Vala: *Scans the battle field.* I am returning to base, and I don't want to see any of you until every Kinoob citizen, soldier, or creature is dead! This city will soon be ours.*Rides away.*
General: You heard the Admiral! Let's kill off anyone else hiding in this city and we can all go home!

Meanwhile inside the palace...

Wave: *Puts the sofa against the door.*
Hi: Are they out there?
Rev: I'll check!*Sticks head out the wall.*
Hi: Well?
Rev: There's an army guarding the palace! We're being surrounded!
Hi: Is it our army?
Rev: *Looks out again.* Oh...right.
Shanee: Well this is perfect!
Scorch: *Rips the arrow out of Shanee's hand.*
Shanee: OW! This is just perfect, we're trapped in our ow castle!
2654: What about the secret escape?
Wave: There's a secret escape?
Hi: There is not!
2654: Master Milky created it in case we needed to evacuate.
Rev: Which one is Milky?
Hi: The one that isn't here!
Rev: ...I realized that!
Scorch: Well let's go.
Rev: What about Chuckie? Shouldn't we wait for him?
All: No, he'll be fine! Join The Questing Clan of RuneScape! !

01-Dec-2008 15:30:11 - Last edited on 05-Dec-2008 02:15:50 by Sirapyro

Sirapyro

Posts: 10,736 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter494 - Mage training 5

Kingnoob and Blue set up there camp for the night, Blue created many beer bombs, and ever more beers. Everything was quiet except for an owl...

Kingnoob: And the monster was in the toilet!
Blue: WTF!?! Why did you just say "And the monster was in the toilet!"?
Kingnoob: I was bored.
Owl: Hoot...hoot...hoot...*Loud shriek.*
Kingnoob: *Looks in the direction of the owl.*
Owl: *Stares at Kingnoob, and its eyes flash red.*
Kingnoob: Run!*Picks up his bow and starts running through the forest.*
Blue: Hold up! What is it?
Kingnoob: The owl, it's-
Owl: *Shrieks again and chase* after the two.*
Blue: Whoa!*Grabs its wings.*
Owl: *Screeches and bites Blue's hands.*
Blue: Aah!*Drops to his knees.*
Kingnoob: *Sees the owl flying at him, so he pulls out his bow and shoots it.*
Owl: *Grabs the arrow with its mouth and snaps it.*
Kingnoob: Blue! Get up!
Blue: I can't! I landed in quick sand!
Kingnoob: Wow, this jungle is full of surprises isn't it?
Owl: *Shrieks and rams into Kingnoob.*
Kingnoob: *Struggles to throw the Owl away.*
Owl: *Bites Kingnoob's chest.*
Kingnoob: Aah!*Starts kneeing the owl.*
Owl: *Odd grunting.*
Kingnoob:

*Casts air knife on the Owl.*
Owl: *Falls to the ground in a heap.*
Kingnoob: Good...BLUE!
Blue: *Head and hand free.*Hey, what's up?
Kingnoob: Oh nothing, just getting attacked.
Blue: Fun times, hey you mind helping me out here?
Kingnoob: *Tries to pull Blue out.*You're stuck!
Blue: Of course.*Hand sinks.*
Owl: *Gets up and screams.*
Kingnoob: Uh-oh, company's back.
Blue: Ok...HELP!!*Feels a strange energy in his feet.* Huh?
Kingnoob: *Bit rapidly by the owl.*Blue! Try to help!
Blue: *Releases all of the energy in his feet and flies out of the quick sand. Not only did he fly out of the quick sand, he was also floating in the air.* Join The Questing Clan of RuneScape! !

01-Dec-2008 15:30:12 - Last edited on 05-Dec-2008 02:16:16 by Sirapyro

Sirapyro

Posts: 10,736 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter495 - Siege 5

Scorch: So where is this escape room?
2654: It is downstairs, and it's more of a portal room.
Wave: That's perfect.
2654: Yeah, well it gets better.
Hi: How?
2654: It only has enough energy to teleport three people out.
Wave: That is a problem.
Scorch: Wave, Hi, and Shanee go. I'll try to get the rest of out the back entrance with Money and Rafmox.
Wave: But-
Scorch: Go! You and Hi have to go because the world is counting on you! Shanee is wounded and can't fight. Milky should be back soon and can get us out.
Rev: I thought we were going out the back.
Scorch: Shut up!
Hi: But where will we go?
Wave: We'll have to go to the mage plains and make our final plans.
Hi: Farewell, we might never see each other again.
2654: I will take you to the portals now.
Wave: Alright, Milky will return eventually with Camelot's army. So even if your-
Soldier: *Screams.*
Scorch: They're here! Just go!

Meanwhile outside soldiers stood in front of the castle doors, like they were waiting for someone. After a while Vala returned on her salamander, behind her was another salamander, on it was the master.

?????????: What are you doing? If there are any survivors in there then go inside and kill them!
Soldier: Sir, the door is sealed. Every one of them. Ad the stone is unbreakable.
Vala: Sounds like a job.
?????????: *Holds up his hand and an enormous blast of energy erupts from it, taking down the front door.*
Scorch: *Turns and sees the enemy.*
2654: Intruders located!
?????????: 2654, I payed a lot of money for you. How could you betray me?
2654: I have no memory of this human. He must have been my original master Join The Questing Clan of RuneScape! !

01-Dec-2008 15:30:13 - Last edited on 05-Dec-2008 02:16:36 by Sirapyro

Sirapyro

Posts: 10,736 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter496 - Mage training 6

Owl: *Looks up at Blue.*
Blue: *Continues floating.* Cool! I can fly!*Rockets out of the forest and returns a few seconds later.*
Owl: *Dive bombs Blue.*
Blue: *Grabs the Owl by its wings and throws it to the ground.*
Owl: *Quickly charges Blue again.*
Blue: *Tries to dodge, but is hit right in the chest.*
Kingnoob: *Sees Blue land of him.*Get off of me!
Blue: O_o

: Yes?
Owl: *Tears through O_o

.*
Kingnoob: Hey, thanks!
Owl: *Scratches Kingnoob in the face.*
Kingnoob: Get him off!
Blue: *Pulls the Owl off, but quickly loses his grip.*
Kingnoob: *Sees his backpack.*
Owl: *Pecks Blue on the head.*
Blue: *Runs around screaming.*
Kingnoob: *Pulls out a strange scroll and bag.*
Blue: *Sticks his head into the quicksand trying to drown the owl.*
Owl: *Gets off before he can.*
Blue: Dang!
Kingnoob: Hey bird!
Owl: *Looks at Kingnoob.*
Kingnoob: *Large cat appears in front of Kingnoob.*Meet cat!
Cat: Meow!*Jumps up and grabs the owl.*
Blue: *Walks up with quicksand in his hair.*How'd you do that?
Cat: *Disappears.*
Kingnoob: I...really don't know.
Owl: *Bloody and torn up.*Hoot!
Blue: Ha ha! Dumb owl!
Owl: Croak.
Both: WTF!?!
Owl: *Croaks.*
Kingnoob: Ok, that was the worst joke yet!
Blue: Now can we get some rest?
Sun: *Rises.*
Kingnoob: Nope.
Blue: Ugh..

Kingnoob and Blue return to there camp, to find Bears sleeping in there beds and had eaten there food, and had drank there beer.

Blue: The horror!
Bear: *Flips Blue off and goes back to sleep.*
Blue: That's it, come here! I'll kill you!
Bear: *Looks at Blue.*
Blue: *Screams.*

Several minutes later Blue is roasting Bear meat and terrified bear screams are heard in the distance. Join The Questing Clan of RuneScape! !

01-Dec-2008 15:30:13 - Last edited on 05-Dec-2008 02:17:01 by Sirapyro

Sirapyro

Posts: 10,736 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter497 - Siege 6

Vala: Take these fools to the prisons and find there leader!
General: Ma'am, there are three. We suspect they are still in the castle but we have reason to believe that they have a way out.
Vala: Then beat them to it!
General: Yes ma'am.
?????????: What is taking so long cuffing these prisoners!?!
Soldier: *Tires to put cuffs on Rev.*I can't do it, I just can't do it!
Rev: Hee hee.
Vala: *Tries to punch Rev but her fist goes through him.*
Rev: Lol, this is pathetic!
Vala: I'll show you pathetic!*Tries to stab Rev.*
Rev: Sheesh lady don't you ever quit?
Vala: Why won't you die!?!
Scorch: If you didn't figure it out, he's a ghost! You can't touch him!
?????????: Forget the spirit-
Rev: Hey, I'm a Revenant! Not a spirit!
?????????: *Booming voice.*SILENCE!
Rev: I'm not afraid of you!
?????????: *Snarls and rides away.*
Vala: Take the others away!
Commander: Admiral Vala, we captured a large group of citizens trying to flee through the back of the city.
Monkey: Chuckie said it was clear back there!
2654: You can never believe that baboon.
Rev: He's a demon, not a baboon!
2654:

Meanwhile in the far end of the palace...

Wave: Alright, I want to know who built three doors right next to each other!?!
Shanee: Well, Queen Lizzy ran out space for her shoes...and this was the only area with free space.
Hi: Well, which one leads to the-*A net captures him.*
General: You will not be going anywhere!
Wave: *Pulls out his whips, only to have them blown out of his hand by another net.*
General: Now you are weaponless. So surrender.
Wave: I don't think so!*Pulls out a large sword ad easily chops the General in half.*
Shanee: Where did you get that god sword?
Wave: I have resources. Join The Questing Clan of RuneScape! !

01-Dec-2008 15:30:14 - Last edited on 05-Dec-2008 02:17:26 by Sirapyro

Sirapyro

Posts: 10,736 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter498 - Mage training 7

Kingnoob: *Wakes up.*Blue, wake up!
Blue: *Moans.*
Kingnoob: We're on our last days supply! So get up and let's finish this journey!
Blue: *Five more minutes.*

Five minutes later...

Blue: Wow, five minutes to the dot.!
Kingnoob: Let's go!
Blue: Oh right, why didn't...wait you did.
Kingnoob: *Slaps head.*

Twenty minutes later...

Blue: According to this map...we're lost.
Kingnoob: Let me see that! No, we just have a very long ways to go.
Blue: Oh...we're doomed then.
Kingnoob: Yah.
Blue: Wait...*Remembers battle with owl.*
Kingnoob: What?
Blue: I think Milkshake and Lizzy wanted us to move faster.
Kingnoob: You think?
Blue: No, with magic.
Kingnoob: Huh?
Blue: When we were fighting the owl, when I escaped the quicksand... it felt like I was flying. Maybe one of the spells is flight.
Kingnoob: You think that we can fly with magic? You're insane!

A few minutes later Kingnoob and Blue are flying through the forest at twice the speed they were going before. They stopped because the forest became to thick.

Blue: Alright, this is where we burn it down!
Kingnoob: Wait, I think there is another way through.
Blue: Look around, nothing. Time to burn!*Begins to cast Inferno.*
???????????: *Screams and attacks Blue.*
Kingnoob: Blue!*Casts hurricane to separate them.*
Blue: That thing is a tree spirit!
Kingnoob: I knew something bad would happen.
Spirit: *Hisses.* You will not harm this forest!Kingnoob: *Starts spinning arms to cast hurricane again, but something grabs them.*
Blue: Oh great, Ent's.
Ent: *Throws Kingnoob to the ground and traps his feet.*
Kingnoob: Blue! Get out of here!
Blue: No! This must be another test.
Kingnoob: Good point.*Casts blaze to free himself.*
Spirit: *Hisses even louder and tackles Kingnoob.* Join The Questing Clan of RuneScape! !

01-Dec-2008 15:30:15 - Last edited on 05-Dec-2008 02:17:48 by Sirapyro

Sirapyro

Posts: 10,736 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter499 - Flare

Vala: Attention citizens of Kinoob! You might be alarmed. And you should be. You will be aloud to live if you bow to your new rulers.
Woman: Who are they?
Vala: He is not here! He is on business so I am in charge for the time being!
Man: You will never succeed! Our guards-
Vala: Are all dead! Your King and Queen are nowhere to be found AND your generals have left you! We are your new masters!
?????: *Holding bay, and tries to sneak way.*
Vala: *Cracks her whip.*Where do you think you are going!?!
Guard: *Pushes ????? towards Vala.*
Vala: What is your name!?!
?????: ...Katie...just call me Kat.
Vala: I will call you whatever I please! Now...*Eyes to kid.*You have a child?
Kat: Just born.
Vala: Then he will make a fine addition to the army when he gets older.
Kat: What? No!
Vala: What?
Kat: No!
Vala: He...
Kay: ...*Sighs.* Flare.*
Vala: "Flare" will be in the army whether his mommy likes it or not!
Kat: I still say no!
Vala: Take the kid, and kill the mother.
Kat: NO!
Guard: *Kicks her and takes Flare.*
Kat: No!!!
Guard: *Holds up a crossbow.* Just to warn you...I never miss.
Kat: HELP!
Guard: *About to pull trigger.*
Rev: *Stabs the guard.*Take that!
All guards: *Shooting at Rev.*
Rev: Muahahahaha!*Begins casting Revenant spells on all of the guards.*
Vala: Omg! And there's nothing we can do about it!
Rev: That's right lady! Now return that kid!
Vala: Make me!
Rev: 8Tries to stab Vala.*
Vala: *Jumps and tries to kick Rev, but falls on her back.*
All citizens: *Laughing so hard they pee themselves.*
Vala:

Take the kid for all I care. But I will get you Revenant!
Rev: Yah right!
Narrator: And thus ends the stupidest chapter in the story. Join The Questing Clan of RuneScape! !

01-Dec-2008 15:30:16 - Last edited on 05-Dec-2008 02:18:10 by Sirapyro

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