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Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Welcome to my noob story, Noble Noob 1.

This is the repost of the extremely popular Noble Noob. My original story hit the 2k posts after 2 months and was locked. So I will repost all the chapters in order so you won't have to read through all the bumps and such of the first thread.

I will no longer be writing new chapters on this thread, you will have to go to Noble Noob 3 for that.

If you are not laughing histarically at this story, then you better check to see if you have a pulse.

Feedback and bumps are greatly appreciated.

If you have a noob bio, post it on Noble Noob 3.

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all

No flaming.
No spamming.
No writing your own stories on mine.
No advertising your story on mine.
Don't mess with Texas.

**********************NOOB TRACKER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Noble Noob 2 is know out.

Noble Noob 3 is know out. The quickfind to Noble Noob 3: 49-50-896-41345209

The quickfind for Noble Noob 2: 49-50-327-39452389

I just started a brand new non-script comedy called The Missing Moderator Cookies: 49-50-558-42014268

Also, I just made a new thread called Noob Story Reviews and Tips. If you want to start a noob story, or improve your existing noob story, you can go there to read the guide section (Guide is not quite done) or apply to get a review from me.

11-Mar-2007 01:52:49 - Last edited on 20-Apr-2007 01:36:55 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter 1: Tutorial Island

noble noob: Where am I?

Guide: Your on tutorial island you silly noob, please proceed through the door.

noble noob: You know what, I think I'll just hang out here a while.

guide: Just leave.

noble noob: Aww but the playoffs are tonight.

guide: Really, whos playing?

noble noob: The Cowboys and the Seahawks.

guide: That should be a good game.

noble noob: So I'll just go ahead and start making the popcorn.

guide: Ok i guess thats fine.

*3 weeks later*

Guide: Its been 3 freaken weeks, get out!

noble noob: Aww but this is such a nice place you got here.

guide: You really think so?

noble noob: O yea, I meen the mahogany floors are beautiful, and the marble top counters are very classy.

guide: Wow no one has ever complemented my designing before.

noble noob: So does that meen I can stay?

guide: Well I guess it wouldnt hurt to have a little extra company- wait, what am i staying, GET OUT!

noble noob: You wouldn't happen to have any cake with you, would you?

guide: Why cake?

noble noob: I love cake.

*The guide teleports noble noob to lumbride*

noble noob: Yay, more people to bother!

11-Mar-2007 01:52:57 - Last edited on 11-Mar-2007 21:43:02 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 2: Noble noob makes a friend

noble noob is just standing infront on Lumby castle

level 3: Any1 wanna be my friend please?

noble noob: I shall be your friend!

level 3: Cool, whats ur name?

noble noob: I am noble noob! And what is yours?

Andyallquickdraw: My name is Andyallquickdraw.

noble noob: No I don't like that name, from now on your name is Rookie.

Rookie: Ok!

*Noble noob and Rookie and approached by a level 30*

Im the drizzle: Hey, I'll give each of you noobs 5 gp if you each get me a bucket of milk.

noble noob and Rookie: Ok!

*noble noob and rookie arrive at the cowpatch, where they see a level 90 in full ahrims*

elitemage14: Hey noble noob.

noble noob: Do I know you?

elitemage14: Its me, your cousin elitemage14.

noble noob: I have a cousin?

cousin: You meen you don't remember me?

noble noob: Nope.

cousin: Remember, you shot me in the leg with an arrow at my 5 year old birthday party?

noble noob: O yea, your that elitemage14, lol those were funny times.

cousin: I was only 5...

noble noob: But its good to see that your fine now.

cousin: I still have night terrors every night, and therapy 3 times a week, and I have group therapy every other Wednesday.

noble noob: Bla bla bla, me and rookie need to go milk a cow, some level 30 will give us 5 gp for it!

cousin: Where'd you get the buckets?

rookie: We got em for 6 gp off a level 5, what a noob!

cousin:

*noble noob walks over and starts milking a cow*

noble noob: This isn't so bad, I'm gonna have 5 gp in no time!

cousin: You do know thats a guy cow, right?

*noble noob looks up to see he's been trying to milk a bull*

noble noob: Well this is awkward.

Bull: MOOO!

*Bulls kills noble noob*

noble noob: Im back in Lumbridge? Must be a glitch or something. Back to the cow pen!

11-Mar-2007 01:52:58 - Last edited on 11-Mar-2007 21:43:27 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 3: Begging

noble noob is know just outside Lumbridge Castle

noble noob: Need free armor and stoof pl0x.

level 80: OMG stop begging and go out and get your own armor.

noble noob: But I don't know how.

level 80: Thats what tutorial island is for

noble noob: Ya about that...

level 80: here just take this ax and go cut trees and sell them or something

*Gives noble noob a bronze ax*

noble noob: Aww you meen I have to do manuel labor?

level 80: yes!

noble noob: But if i cut down a tree the Lorax will kill me.

level 80: Fine, go mine then.

noble noob: Last time I went mining I impaled somebody's hands.

level 80: Go smith then.

noble noob: So I jsut stick my head in a 5,000 degrees furnace with no protection?

level 80: Go fletch.

noble noob: Whats a fletch?

level 80: Go fishing.

noble noob: Aww but I don't wanna have to wake up at 4 in the morning.

level 80: Then just go and thieve!

noble noob: But thats illegal!

level 80: No its not, I thieve all the time!

guard: Admitting to thieving! Take him downtown boys.

guard 2: But chief this is Lumbridge Castle, we already are downtown.

guard: Then take him to the cage.

level 80: No!

*level 80 dissappears*

11-Mar-2007 01:52:59 - Last edited on 11-Mar-2007 21:43:43 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 4: The quest

noble noob: Well im bored, what can I do now?

cousin: Well you could go work on your skills.

noble noob: No I've already been over this with a level 80.

cousin: What about you do a quest?

*noble noob finds himself at Gertrudes house in varrok*

noble noob: Hello there, im in search of a quest for one as noble as I, preferably one with dragon slaying in it.

Gertrude: You could help me find my cat.

noble noob: Not exactly what I had in mind, but ok.

gertrude: Go talk to my son Willough, he should know where fluffy is.

*goes to Willough*

noble noob: So where is Fluffy?

Willough: I'll tell you for 100 gp.

noble noob: 100 gp! Ill never make that much in my life!

Willough: Take it or leave it.

noble noob: Why you little! *chokes and beats up Willough*

Gertrude: So did Willough tell you where fluffy was?

noble noob: Umm, of course he did. Yep, I a full grown adult male definately did not beat up and 8 year old little boy, yep, certainly didn't.

Gertrude: You what!

noble noob: Anyway I forgot what your son told me, where could i find fluffy again?

gertrude: You could try the lumber yard.

noble noob: Whats a lumber yard?

Gertrude: Its at North-east Varrok.

noble noob: Whats a Varrok?

Gertrude: I'm never getting Fluffy back am I.

noble noob: Nope.

Gertrude: Ugh, just take this kitten then.

*congratulations, you just completed Gertrudes Cat(kinda)*

noble noob: Yay, from now on your name shall be Sir
Noobykins Dunlop de Lafayette the 3rd of the Lumbridge

kitten: But my name is Armadyl-, I meen, Meow?

Gertrude: Well your gonna need hire a trainer for your
kitten.

*Whip cracks*
You see noble noob holding a bull whip

noble noob: I shall train Sir noobykins.

sir noobykins: Meow!

Gertrude: And your gonna need to get him neutered.

*whips cracks*

noble noob: Well acutally Im not a vet, but I do have this giant pair of pliars!

sir noobykins: MEOW!

11-Mar-2007 01:53:00 - Last edited on 11-Mar-2007 21:55:43 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 5: the level 100

Noble Noob is wondering around Varrok aimlessly, and spots a level 100 in gunthans and yellow party hat

noble noob: A level 100, all of a sudden I have an uncontrollable urge to trade him my useless junk!

*walks up to the 100*

noble noob: Hi

level 100: What do u want?

noble noob: Thats a nice crown.

level 100: Why thank you, but its a party hat not a crown.

*noble noob trades the level 100*

level 100: What is it know?

noble noob: I wanna buy your party hat

level 100: LOL, silly noob, you don't have the money.

noble noob: Trust me, I'm very rich.

level 100: Whatever, I'll humour you.

*they trade, the level 100 offers his party hat*
*noble noob offers 3 gp, a burnt chicken, a tinderbox, a pot, and a red cape.*

level 100: LOL, stupid noob, a party hat is worth 100 mil.

noble noob: But this is an extra super rare red cape, its worth 100 mil and 1 gp.

level 100: God what a choob.

noble noob: Whats a choob?

*level 100 hesitates*

level 100: You know what, I don't think anyone even knows anymore.

noble noob: Fine, I wouldn't wanna pay 100 mil for a golden crown anyway

level 100: Its not a golden crown!

*Mod Andrew(creator of Runescape) appears*

Mod Andrew: My golden crown! Why I've been looking all over for it!

*takes the level 100'* party hat and leaves*

level 100: You noob! I'll kill you for that!

noble noob: Don't worry I'll make it up to you.

*hands the 100 a yellow party hat*

level 100: This isn't a party hat.

noble noob: Yes it is.

level 100: This is just a Burger King crown you colored on with a yellow marker.

noble noob: Your point?

level 100:

11-Mar-2007 01:53:00 - Last edited on 11-Mar-2007 21:47:03 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 6: the dwarf

Noble noob is walking from Varrok to Falador when he bumps into a dwarf

noble noob: Hey watch where you're going shorty.

Dwarf: I am not short!

noble noob: Yes you are half-pint.

Dwarf: I'm not short, I am just a dwarf.

noble noob: So your a dwarf huh?

Dwarf: Yes...

noble noob: Then where's your battle ax.

dwarf: I don't have one.

noble noob: Uh hu, thats what I thought. Then you're not a dwarf.

dwarf: I am too a dwarf!

noble noob: You are not a dwarf unless you are in the direct possession of a battle ax.

dwarf: But I am a dwarf!

noble noob: What happened to your battle ax then? Did Gimli take it?

dwarf: Grrrr, I am a dwarf, and I will prove it to you! Just look at me, im short, im bald, and I have a pikax.

noble noob: My grandpa is short, bald, and has a pikax but he's not a dwarf. Tell you what, give me one of those high-tech cannons over there and your a dwarf.

dwarf: Those cannons are worth over 600k!

noble noob: Fine, I guess I'll just have to go tell everyone in Falador your not a dwarf.

dwarf: Fine, take the cannon. Just promise me you won't use it for anything bad ok?

*noble noob daydreams about leveling all of Lumbridge with his cannon*

noble noob: Ok I promise.

*the dwarf gives noble noob a dwarven mega-cannon*

noble noob: I'm gonna have fun with this.

11-Mar-2007 01:53:01 - Last edited on 11-Mar-2007 21:48:01 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 7: noble noob meets killer

noble noob is walking back to varrok when he sees his cousin

cousin: Hey noble noob.

noble noob: Hey cousin. *Sees a giant 7 foot tall man standing beside his cousin* Who's your friend?

cousin: Noble noob, meet my friend, Killer

*Killer stares angrily at noble noob*

noble noob: Hi nice to meet you. *holds out his hand for Killer to shake it*

*Killer continues to stare angrily at noble noob.*

noble noob: Well don't be shy, shake my hand.

*Killer shakes noble noob's hand, then breaks it.*

noble noob: OWWW HE BROKE MY HAND!

cousin: KILLER!

*Killer continues to stare angrily at noble noob*

noble noob: Not much of a talker is he?

cousin: No, but he can lodge a dragon dagger farther into someone's skull then anyone in Runescape.

noble noob: , thats pleasant.

*Killer is now staring very angrily at noble noob.*

noble noob: Hey, you guys wanna go catch butterflies with me?

*Killer draws his dragon dagger*

cousin: Killer no! *Takes killer's dragon dagger*

noble noob: I think you friend wants to kill me.

cousin: Don't worry, he won't kill you as long as you don't annoy him, have something of value, or insult his mama.

noble noob: He'll kill me for insulting his mama?

cousin: O yes Killer loves his mama.

noble noob: O_o

11-Mar-2007 01:53:01 - Last edited on 18-May-2007 16:56:19 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 8: the wilderness

noble noob dies and is now in lumbridge

rookie: Hey noble noob, why are you back in lumby?

noble noob: Apparently it wasn't a "good idea" to eat a rock cake.*opens his mouth to reveal all his teeth are broken*

obnoxious noob: Why on earth would you eat a rock?

noble noob: It had the word cake in it

obnoxious noob:

noble noob: So rookie, my cousin left to go to the wilderness *lightning strikes*, wanna go check it out?

rookie: Sure, the wilderness *lighting strikes* sounds pleasant.

*noble noob and rookie arrive in varrok*

noble noob: We are almost at the wild *lightning strikes*.
Omg why does lighting keep striking?

guard: Lightning strikes every time you say wilderness *lightning stikes*.

noble noob: Really? Wilderness, wilderness, wilderness, wilderness, wilderness, wilderness, wilderness, wilderness, wilderness!

*lightning strikes 10 times and destroys half of varrok*

gaurd:

noble noob: I should leave.

*noble noob and rookie arrive at the wild to see everyone pking*

rookie: Omg what are you all doing!

range pure: We're killing eachother.

rookie: Thats horrible!

everyone in wild: No its not!

noble noob: Maybe Little Timmy will change your mind.

*A very small level 5 with a crutch limps up*

little timmy: *faint cough* I was just walking around Varrok when I entered the wild, and a level 5 mage killed me. I lost everything, my flour, my burnt chicken, my bucket, my shears, my wool, and even my bronze long sword. *starts crying* It took me a month to save up for that bronze long sword!

range pure: Thats the saddest story I've ever heard, We're never killing in the wild again.

everyone: Yea!

noble noob: Really?

range pure: Ya, we're gonne kill everywhere else in runescape!

noble noob: WHAT!

everyone: Muhahahaha

*J mod appears*

J mod: O no your not.*Bans everyone in wild*

noble noob: Score 1 for the noobs

11-Mar-2007 01:53:02 - Last edited on 18-May-2007 16:57:14 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 9: Noble noob makes his own religion

Noble noob has just died again and is back in Lumby

obnoxious noob: What is it this time, eat another rock cake?

noble noob: No, I got poisoned off a mud pie.

obnoxious noob: Why on earth would you eat a-, you know what, Im not even gonna bother asking.

*walks into the Church*

noble noob: Nice dress.

priest: Their priest robes!

noble noob: Whatever you say dress man.

priest: 2 words- priest robes.

noble noob: 2 words- cross dresser.

priest:

noble noob: So this is a church I take it.

priest: Yes this is the church of Saradomin.

noble noob: Cool, so where's the sacrafice.

priest: There are no sacrafices in the church of Saradomin.

noble noob: Well what fun is a religion with no sacrafices?

priest:

, sit down, I am going to teach you the indisputeable commandments of Saradomin.

noble noob: Is there anything in those commandments about forcing your religion upon somebody?

priest: No...

noble noob: Didn't think so...

*an hour later the priest has "attempted" to teach noble noob Saradomin's commandments.

noble noob: What kind of religion is this, I can't lie, steal, beg, or hurt other people, what fun is that?

priest: How is lying, stealing, begging, and hurting fun?

noble noob: Its very fun

priest: Fine, don't join saradomism.

noble noob: Fine, I'm gonna start my own religion then, and it is gonna rival yours.

priest: Fine. *shuts the door on noble noob*

noble noob: I'll show him, I'll make my own religion, and it'll be 10 times better then Saradomism. But where am I gonna get the money to build a church?

Zamarok: I think I can help you there.

noble noob: Who are you.

Zamarok: I am Lord Zamarok-, I meen, my name is Fred.

*Zamarok hands noble noob a bag full of money*

noble noob: Cool, now to build my church. *walks off*

Zamarok: Excellent, muhahahahaha.

TO BE CONTINUED...

11-Mar-2007 01:53:03 - Last edited on 11-Mar-2007 21:52:23 by Elitemage14

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