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Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 10: Noble noob starts his own religion 2

rookie: Wow noble noob, a week ago this was just a run-down old shack, and now its a rundown old shack with a sign on it.

noble noob: Thank you rookie, I have a good feeling about my new church, The International Church of Pasteries. We shall meet every Saturday to worship and eat cake and pie, and to drink beer. Everyone in Lumbridge will come to our church.

rookie: Just one problem, where are we gonna get the cake and pie for all of Lumbridge?

noble noob: Why I'll bake them of course.

rookie: But you never even finished Tutorial Tsland, you don't know a thing about cooking.

noble noob: Don't worry about that I'm a natural.

*they arrive at the palace kitchen*

cook: Who are you?

noble noob: We're the new cooks, the king sent us here to bake pastries for all of Lumbridge.

*starts mixing flowers, sour milk, and evil chicken eggs in a bowl*

cook: Why don't you just let me take care of the baking.

*1 week later*

priest: Where is everyone, there is not a single person here for my weekly sermon!

priest 2: There all at the new International Church of Pastries.

priest: The noob actually went through with it?

*across the street you here rock music blaring and see a keg thrown out the painted glass window*

Zammarok: Ha ha, soon noble noob's church shall be all over Runescape, then everyone shall folo me and not Saradomin!

priest: So your behind this Zamarok!

Zammy: Yep, and theres nothing you can do to stop me now!

priest: 0 really?

*Goes to noble noobs church to see the entire church covered in cake icing and beer, and noble noob about to sacrafice a goat*

priest: Theres a level 100 with a party hat in Falador!

noobs: WE MUST TRADE HIM USELESS JUNK!

*everyone leaves*

Zammy: Grr, I'll be back priest!

cook: Hey are you Zamarok?

Zamarok: Why yes I am.

cook: Heres the bill for 500 pastries.

Zammy: NO! Curse you Noble Noob!

11-Mar-2007 01:54:53 - Last edited on 11-Mar-2007 21:53:56 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 11: Noble noob gets a house

Noble noob's cousin has just woken up to find noble noob passed out drunk on his couch covered in cake icing.

cousin: Noble noob what are you doing here?

noble noob: I didn't have a place to stay so I decided I'd crash here.

cousin: Well im gonna go make us some bacon and eggs.

noble noob: No your not.

cousin: What do you mean?

noble noob: I kinda ate all your food.

cousin: ALL OF IT!

noble noob: And the beer too.

cousin: That was a 10 person keg!

noble noob: Pfff, there was no way you could've fit 10 people inside that keg.

cousin: , noble noob, heres 5k, go get yourself your own house.

noble noob: Ok!

*noble noob goes to the general store*

noble noob: I'll have 5k worth of your finest cakes please.

shop keeper: Didn't your cousin tell you to buy a house with that money?

noble noob: , how the hell did you know that?

shop keeper: I know everything, I am the All-Seeing and All-Mighty Shop Keeper.

noble noob: I should go...

shop keeper: YOU SHALL ALL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!

*noble noob bravely runs away to the pie cart*

noble noob: I'll have 5k's worth of your best pies.

pie cart clerk: Didn't the All-Might Shop Keeper already tell you to buy a house with that money?

noble noob: , fine I'll buy a house.

*arrives at real estate agent*

agent: Get lost noob.

noble noob: I have 5k.

agent: Welcome to my store, so its a house your searching for, eh?

noble noob: Yep.

agent: Well here is one of our finer homes, and it's a portable home too.

noble noob: Thats a tent.

agent: An experiencef buyer I see, check out our next house, this house is HOT.

noble noob: Thats because it's on fire.

agent: Then how about this house.*looks perfectly normal*

noble noob: Ok, whats the catch.

agent: No catch at all, other then this is Where-Wolf breeding grounds.

noble noob: Anything else?

agent: Just this old shack.

noble noob: SOLD!

11-Mar-2007 01:54:53 - Last edited on 11-Mar-2007 21:58:43 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 12: Pet rat

noble noob: I'm bored, its about time I get a pet.

cousin: But you already have a pet.

noble noob: Ya but Sir noobykins hasn't been the same since I neutered him.

Sir noobykins: Meow... O whats the point.

*noble noob goes off in search of a new pet*

noble noob: Will you be my pet?

guard: I would but the city of Varrok probobly wouldn't be to happy if I quit my job to be a level 3'* pet.

noble noob: Will you be my pet?

level 3 macro: ...

noble noob: Well?

level 3 macro: ...

noble noob: Its ok, I know its a hard decision, you can take your time.

noble noob: Will you be my pet?

yew tree: Well I have been thinking about "branching out," ha ha ha.

noble noob: There are no good pets here, maybe if I check down in this sewyer.

noble noob: Will you be my pet?

zombie: Brains!

noble noob: Good thing I don't have any.

zombie:

noble noob: Will you be my pet?

giant rat: Sure thing. Squeak!

noble noob: Wow I can't wait til the ladies see you, there gonna be all over me.

*Goes to Varrok square*

girls: We need bfs(cuss we can't get one in real life)!

noble noob: Hey ladies.

girls: Ewww what is that?

noble noob: This is my pet rat, Sir Noobert of the Lumbridge.

girls: No we were talking about you!

noble noob: O_o

11-Mar-2007 01:54:54 - Last edited on 11-Mar-2007 21:59:38 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 13: Noble noob and the bandit

bandit: Stand and Deliver!

noble noob: But I'm already standing.

bandit: Then deliver.

noble noob: What am I suppose to deliver?

bandit: I dunno, anything really.

noble noob: That's not being very helpful, you meen like deliver pizzas or something?

bandit: Well I guess that's fine, but it better be extra cheese.

noble noob: Your not much of a bandit are you?

bandit: What are you talking about? I'm a level 5, I've got this cooling looking mask and cape, I got the short sword, what more do you want?

noble noob: Its just I've never been held up for a pizza before.

bandit: Who am I kidding, I'm just a noob from Lumby who holds up level 3s to make some cash. But all they ever have is pots of flour and other useless junk.

noble noob: Whats your name?

amateur: Amateur.

noble noob: Well amateur, lets go to Falador and tell all the people who call us noobs that we have lvl 199 mains.

11-Mar-2007 01:54:55 - Last edited on 12-Mar-2007 21:54:04 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 14: Robbing a bank

amateur: I wish we weren't so poor.

noble noob: I got it, lets rob a bank.

*They arrive at Varrok bank*

banker: Why are you two wearing socks over your head?

noble noob: This is a robbery, put all the money in the bag!

banker: What bag?

noble noob: Amateur you forgot to bring the bag?

amateur: I thought you were bringing it?

noble noob: I thought you were the bandit.

amateur: Well this was your brilliant plan to rob a bank.

banker 2: Aww how cute, the noobs are trying to rob my bank.

amateur: We are not cute, we're crazy man, CRAZY!

banker: Did you take your ridilin this morning?

amateur: Everyone's gotta make fun of me for having ADD.*cries*

noble noob: Just give us the money and we'll carry what we can in our pockets.

banker: Or else what?

noble noob: I'll use my cannon on you.*pulls out mega cannon*

banker: I bet you don't even have any cannon balls for it.

noble noob: I have even better.

*runs to yew tree*

noble noob: Hi, would you fellow level 3s like to be my cannon ammo?

level 3 macros: ...

noble noob: If you don't want to be my cannons balls clearly say no.

level 3 macros: ...

*abducts the macros*

banker: OMG he has macros!

noble noob: Now give us the money!

banker: Fine, heres 100 gp.

11-Mar-2007 01:55:13 - Last edited on 12-Mar-2007 21:55:29 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 15: The end of Noble Noob?

noble noob: Hey cousin I don't feel so good.

cousin: Thats what happens when you try to eat your body weight in cakes.

noble noob: I think I need to see a doctor.*takes a bite of cake*

*goes to the doctor in Lumbridge Castle*

doctor: Well noble noob, I have some good news and some bad news.

noble noob: Give me the bad news doc, I can take it.

doctor: Noble noob, you have diabetes.*dramatic music*

noble noob: Cool.

cousin: You do know what diabetes is, don't you noble noob?

noble noob: So whats the good news?

doctor: I just saved a whole bunch of money on my car insurance.

noble noob and cousin:

noble noob: So what's all this meen doctor?

doctor: Your a diabetic, you can never eat any more cake for the rest of your life.

noble noob: WHAT! No more cake? Theres no reason to live anymore, theres no more reason to live!

*Noble noob sprints towards the window, then leaps out*

cousin: OMG!

doctor: Don't worry, he'll just respawn in Lumbridge.

*meenwhile up in heaven*

angle: So you got all your things packed Saradomin.

Saradomin: Yep, I'm all set for my vacation. And remember, anyone who happens to die while I'm gone will not respawn, and will be dead, permanently...

angle: I understand.

TO BE CONTINUED...

11-Mar-2007 01:57:43 - Last edited on 12-Mar-2007 21:57:24 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 16: The end of Noble Noob? 2

*Noble Noob, having just hurled himself out the window, is now falling from 50 feet towards the ground*

noble noob: Ahhhhhhh!

worker: Where did the Duke of Lumbridge want us to put all of these matresses?

*Noble noob lands on the matresses, but is catapulted 40 feet into the air*

noble noob: Ahhhhhh!

worker 2: He wanted us to put the matresses beside all these trampalines.

worker: What does the Duke need with this many bouncy object anyway?

*Noble noob has just bounced off the trampolines, and is on a collission course through with the wall of spears*

noble noob: AHHHHH!

*noble noob is impaled on the wall of spears*

cousin: OMG he's dead!

doctor: Why hasn't he respawned yet?

TO BE CONTINUED...

11-Mar-2007 01:58:35 - Last edited on 13-Mar-2007 20:22:23 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter 17: The end of Noble Noob? 3

cousin: Is he really dead?

doctor: *Starts prodding him with a stick* Yep he's dead.

*Meanwhile up in heaven*

angle: Saradomin, what are you doing back so soon?

Saradomin: Can you believe it? I drove 5 miles only to remember I forgot my tickets to the Battle of the Bands.

angle: A level 3 died while you were gone, should we revive him?

Saradomin: Well I'm gonna be late the the Battle of the Bands either way.

*meenwhile back on runescape, noble noob has just respawned*

cousin: Noble noob, your alive.

noble noob: I guess I am. *walks over to his dead body and starts pickpocketing himself* He he he.

noble noob: But I can't eat cake anymore, whats the point of being alive?

doctor: You can still eat cake.

cousin: But you just said he couldn't eat cake.

doctor: April Fools!

cousin: Its the middle of January!

doctor: Umm, err, Look over there! *bravely runs away*

noble noob: So I guess in the end Elitemage14 decided not to kill me off.

Elitemage14: Not yet anyways.*Dramatic music*

11-Mar-2007 01:58:37 - Last edited on 12-Mar-2007 22:00:50 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 18: Noble noob's evil twin

*Noble noob is walking through Varrok, when a large group starts to gather around him*

person: There he is, theres our hero!

noble noob: What did I do?

person 2: He's the one that put out the fire and saved half of Varrok from certain destruction!

noble noob: Me do something helpful ?

woman: Please, will you bless my baby?

noble noob: Uhh, sure. He has been blessed.

woman: Thank you, thank you!

novice: That was amazing noble noob, I shall folo you til my death!

noble noob: Really?

novice: Yes, as long as it doesn't involve my bronze short sword, isn't that right Betty? *starts romantically licking his sword*

cousin: Whats going on here?

crowd: Your cousin just saved half of Varrok from a fire!

cousin: Didn't he just destroy half a varrok not even a week ago?

noble noob: I don't know whats going on either.

*all of a sudden a stranger appears, who looks exactly like noble noob, except he has a beard and is a level 126*

Boon Elbon: You fools, he didn't save Varrok, I did!

noble noob: Who's this noob?

boon elbon: I'm no noob, I am your twin brother.

TO BE CONTINUED...

11-Mar-2007 01:58:37 - Last edited on 12-Mar-2007 22:03:21 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

chapter 19: Noble noob's evil twin 2

boon elbon: And know noble noob, I must kill you.

*Meen while in Falador*

fishreaper: My fish senses are tingling, noble noob is in trouble! I'm coming noble noob!

*back in Varrok*

noble noob: But why?

boon elbon: Because everyone thinks I'm you. I'm level 126, I will not be mistaken for a level 3!

noble noob: O ya? Cousin get him!... Cousin? Would you stop flirting and help me?

cousin: I also enjoy poetry and long, moonlit walks on the beach.

girls: Your so hott Elitemage14!

noble noob: Fine, I'll just have to take care of you by myself.

boon elbon: LOL, how can you possible defeat me.

noble noob: I have no choice, I must sing you my theme song.

boon elbon: You don't have a theme song.

noble noob: I do now.

IM A NOOB IM A NOOB IM A NOOB
IM A LOW LEVEL, O YES IT IS TRUE
I TRADE HIGH LEVEL'* JUNK, FOR SOME CASH
I BEG FOR MONEY AT A CROWDED PLACE
I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IM SUPPOSE TO DO
O IM SUCH A NOOB

IM A NOOB IM A NOOB IM A NOOB
IM A NOOB IM A NOOB IM A NOOB
I'D RATHER HAVE A PIECE A CAKE, THEN A LEGEND'S CAPE
O IM SUCH A NOOB
WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO DO?
IM A NOOB IM A NOOB IM A NOOB

boon elbon: AHHH its so annoying, I can't stand it!*hangs himself*

noble noob: I just defeated my evil twin, and I am ready to be pampered by my adoring public, wheres my adoring public?

*looks around to realize everyone in Varrok hanged themself, except for novice and betty*

novice: Your song was so annoying, everyone would rather kill themselves then continue listening to it.

noble noob: Then why are you still here?

novice: I wouldn't think of what would happen to poor Betty without me, isn't that right Betty? *starts rubbing his sword and staring lovingly at it*

fishreaper: I'm here to save you noble noob!

noble noob: Your to late, boon elbon is already dead.

fishreaper: Awww, you wouldn't believe the traffic at this time of day.

11-Mar-2007 01:58:38 - Last edited on 12-Mar-2007 22:06:23 by Elitemage14

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