Alright, Aeraie, here goes:
Firstly, the poems: they were good, but beyond a general appreciation for how words flow together, I have no technical knowledge of poetry, and so can't really assess them. At any rate, they were good reads, so well done on that account.
"Imperfect" was well written, with some clever turns of phrase that demonstrate a mature understanding of writing, but the ending is too ambiguous; it lacks the gravitas that it seems think it should have. I have the impression Ugula is Sawyer's father, but there's nothing, really, to back it up; there needs, I think, to be something more concrete to what could be a very impactful ending. The jump from his thoughts to his actions is also weird; his last thoughts are about being indecisive and imperfect, and then he's going to finish everything off. It's just somewhat weird.
"Hardest of Hearts" follows a similar theme, in that the writing is good but the "******" doesn't carry the weight it should; the reader simply doesn't know Maddi well enough to understand the significance of her being a tom-boy by her... Father? "Florida Snowman" is never properly identified, which threw off the story for me, having to try and go back and try to figure out who he is. The story is good, but there needs to be a deeper understanding of Maddi by the reader for the story truly to work.
"Patriarch" is an interesting story, though one that lacks somewhat the emotional burden it should, with the father killing his son. The creation of emotional burden is something you did very well in other stories, and so its absence is all the more curious.
"The Tainted Grove" is also interesting, but most jarringly shifts both perspective and tense in the middle, and that shift completely removes the reader from the story; if it is intentional, it doesn't come off as well as perhaps you had hoped.
(cont'*)
19-Jul-2011 10:14:16
