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Blaze Deku
Nov Member 2006

Blaze Deku

Posts: 3,691 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter 52: Dawn of the Zombies
Graveyard of Shadows...
Kitedj: Haidus cretura existo!
(Zombies rise from their graves)
Kitedj: Now, you shall work for me!
Doomskull999: Do we get paid?
Kitedj: No.
Doomskull999: Then forget it.
(Zombies start to go to their graves)
Kitedj: Wait! I have coupons that will give you one free item at a store!
Doomskull999: Which one?
Kitedj: Uh...Fake Store That Doesn't Exist?
Zombies: Awesome! We love Fake Store That Doesn't Exist*!=D
Kitedj: O_o
Zombies: What?!
Doomskull999: Anyway, we are at your command, Lord Kitedj.
Kitedj: Good. Now here's what I want you and your zombies to do...
Thorblade4's House...
Thorblade4: Ok, we need to concentrate on fighting Kitedj and freeing Misthalian. By freeing Asgarnia, we have cut off trade between Kandarin and Misthalian so-
(There's a knock at the door)
Bono: I'll get it!
(Bono opens the door and finds zombies at the door)
Bono: It's Halloween already? I'll go get the candy.
(Bono comes back with a bowl of candy)
Bono: Take one only.
Doomskull999: We don't want your candy!
Bono: Ah! Burglars!
(Bono slams the door in Doomskull999's face)
Doomskull999: Ow! My nose!
Thorblade4: Who was that Bono?
Bono: Some burglars disguising themselves as kids on Halloween dressed as zombies trying to steal our stuff.
Fan434: I don't believe it!
Bono: Well then look outside.
Fan434: I will.
(Fan434 looks outside and sees the zombies)
Fan434: BONO YOU IDIOT! THOSE ARE ZOMBIES!
Zombie #1: Roar!
(Fan434 stabs him with his Guthan Spear)
Zombie #1: Ow! That hurt!
Fan434: Sorry. I thought zombies weren't supposed to feel anything.
Zombie #1: Zombies have emotions too, you know.
Fan434: That's not what I meant...
Zombie #1: Oh.
Doomskull999: Stop talking and start attacking!
Zombie #2: But sir, it's rude to interrupt a conversation.
Doomskull999: O_o
Zombie #2: What?! "While Guthix Sleeps, the World Wakes to the Fate of the Gods and the Children of Mah in Sliske's Endgame..."

16-May-2009 00:15:59

Blaze Deku
Nov Member 2006

Blaze Deku

Posts: 3,691 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Bono: So how much is Kitedj paying you for this job?
Zombie #3: One coupon for a free item at Fake Store That Doesn't Exist for every kill.
Bono: Oh my gosh! I love Fake Store That Doesn't Exist! I'll be right back!
(Bono runs upstairs and comes back with Thorblade4's Zombie Costume)
Thorblade4: Hey! Bono, what are you doing with my zombie costume?!
Bono: I'm joining the zombies!
Thorblade4: Why?!
Bono: Because they get coupons for Fake Store That Doesn't Exist.
Thorblade4: That's why?!
Bono: Yup!
Thorblade4: =O
The Resistance: =O
Bono: What?!
Doomskull999: Anyway, prepare to-
(Thorblade4 expels the zombies)
Doomskull999: Hey! I wasn't even finished my sentence!
Zombie #4: We might as well head back to Lord Kitedj.
Doomskull999: Right. Men-
(Zombie #5 coughs)
Doomskull999: ...Zombies move out!
(Zombies march back to Misthalian)
Thorblade4: Well, we got rid of them.
Itatchi2929: Hey Thorblade4, where's Bono?
Thorblade4: He's-
(Thorblade4 does Slap Head Emote)
Thorblade4: He's with the zombies!
Varrock Palace...
Kitedj: You failed, but I still will give you One Coupon!
Zombies: Thank you, Lord Kitedj!
(As Kitedj gives a coupon to Zombie #6, he notices something odd. He pulls off the Zombie Mask and finds Bono)
Bono: Hello!
Kitedj: Get out of here noob!
(Kitedj kicks Bono and sends him flying)
Doomskull999: Uh sir, weren't we supposed to capture Bono?
Kitedj: D'oh!
Yanille...
Thorblade4: We have to find Bono now, before-
(Bono lands on Thorblade4)
Thorblade4: BONO YOU IDIOT!!!
Bono: Hi guys! Guess what I got?
The Resistance: What?!
Bono: A coupon to a free item at Fake Store That Doesn't Exist!
The Resistance: O_o
Bono: What?!
Next Chapter: Chapter 53: Priest in Peril
*Fake Store That Doesn't Exist is a proud sponsor of the Bono the Noobiest Noob Story "While Guthix Sleeps, the World Wakes to the Fate of the Gods and the Children of Mah in Sliske's Endgame..."

16-May-2009 00:16:20

Blaze Deku
Nov Member 2006

Blaze Deku

Posts: 3,691 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter 53: Priest in Peril
Varrock Palace...
Kitedj: Zombies, I have a plan that will guarentee victory over The Resistance! On to Morytania!
(Zombies cheer and start to march toward Paterdomus)
(A Shadowy figure appears from the shadows)
???: So that's what you're up to, Kitedj.
(??? disappears)
Thorblade4's House...
Thorblade4: OK, we need to find out what Kitedj's doing next. However, we have no spies-
(??? appears)
Rocky: Intruder!
Puss: Get him!
???: Stop! I have information!
Thorblade4: What do you mean?
???: Kitedj is marching towards Morytania. However I don't know why he marches there.
Blue: Why should we trust you.
???: I hate Drag0n Kn1ght. He is horrible! I want Runescape to be freed! That is why I wish to help you.
Bono: Please, ???, join us.
???: I can't. I will continue to give you information from inside Drag0n Kn1ght's forces.
Thorblade4: Ok.
(??? disappears)
Paterdomus...
Kitedj: Zombies, follow me!
(Zombies follow Kitedj through Paterdomus)
(The Resistance comes out of the Temple)
Thorblade4: ??? was right. Kitedj is leading the zombies to Morytania.
Itatchi2929: But why?
Dusty Sharp: I'm afraid that's what we'll have to find out.
Inside The Tunnel...
Thorblade4: We can't get in!
Fan434: Someone didn't do Priest in Peril!
(Everyone looks at Bono)
Bono: Why are you looking at me?
Chu Master5: Let's just kill him and be on our way!
(Everyone glares at Chu Master5)
Chu Master5: I mean, let's help Bono finish Priest in Peril!
(Puss notices the dog and jumps on Bono)
Puss: Giant dog!
Bono: Bad dog! How dare you hurt Puss!
(Bono kicks the dog once and it dies)
Bono: Noobish dog...
Fan434: (coughs) Noobish noob...
Bono: You say something?
Fan434: Nope.
Bono: Ok.
Later...
Thorblade4: I can't believe how mad King Roald was.
Bono: And I learned some new words like-
(Thorblade4 covers Bono's mouth)
Shyam777: Th4t w4s cl0s3.
Thorblade4: You're telling me. "While Guthix Sleeps, the World Wakes to the Fate of the Gods and the Children of Mah in Sliske's Endgame..."

16-May-2009 00:16:59

Blaze Deku
Nov Member 2006

Blaze Deku

Posts: 3,691 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Top of Paterdomus...
Drezel: I can't get out. That Vampyre is guarding me.
Bono: I'll take care of this.
(Bono knocks on the vampyre's coffin)
Vampyre: Who is it?
Bono: This is your landlord. You haven't been paying your bills so you must leave this facility.
Vampyre: (grumbles) Fine...
(Vampyre walks out)
Everyone: =O
Bono: What?!
In Paterdomus Tunnel...
Thorblade4: Now we have to clean the River Salve...
Bono: I can do that!
(Bono drops a bar of soap and the river becomes clean again)
Drezel: Yay! The river is clean again! But why does it have bubbles and suds in it.
Bono: I have no clue.
Drezel: Ok. Carry on.
(The Resistance enters Morytania)
Brettyoke49: Pickles!
Thorblade4: Stop being random, Bretty!
Fan434: Yeah!
Next Chapter: Chapter 54: Trek Through Morytania "While Guthix Sleeps, the World Wakes to the Fate of the Gods and the Children of Mah in Sliske's Endgame..."

16-May-2009 00:17:14

Blaze Deku
Nov Member 2006

Blaze Deku

Posts: 3,691 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter 54: Trek through Morytania
Canifis...
Thorblade4: Well, now we're in Morytania. We should stock up here before we go into Mort Myre Swamp.
Puss: Let's just get out of here. This place is full of wolves...
(Bono walks to a guy)
Bono: Hey, want to hear a joke?
Roavar: Not now! I'm busy!
Bono: But it's good!
Roavar: Fine! Tell it to me!
Bono: Never mind.
Roavar: What?! Tell me!
Bono: Nah.
Roavar: Please!
Bono: Ok! Why do dogs chase their tails?
Roavar: I don't know. Why?
Bono: Because they're so stupid! Ha ha ha!
Roavar: That's not funny and that was a mean joke!
Bono: Why? You don't have a dog.
Roavar: I'm a werewolf noob!
Bono: Ah bite me!
Roavar: You asked for it...
???: Roavar, please leave him alone. He's just a wandering noob. I'll buy 5 more beer with a huge tip.
Roavar: Ok Hedmaster50. 5 more Beer coming up!
(Roavar gets more Beer)
Thorblade4: Hedmaster50, is that you?
Hedmaster50: Thorblade! I haven't seen you since you became an apprentice to-!
Rocky: Hey Thorblade4, who is this?
Thorblade4: This is my friend Hedmaster50. He was a classmate of mine when we were in adventuring school.
Hedmaster50: Good times. Good times.
Thorblade4: So why are you here, Hedmaster50?
Hedmaster50: I like beer so I stopped here and had a couple of drinks. What are you doing here?
Thorblade4: Chasing after an evil mage with an armies of zombies that after something in Morytania. The mage is named Kitedj and he works for Drag0n Kn1ght.
Hedmaster50: Drag0n Kn1ght? Wasn't he Evi1 Mag3's master and your master's previous friend?
Thorblade4: Yup.
Hedmaster50: Let me come too! I can fight.
Thorblade4: I don't think so. You'll be drunk-
Hedmaster50: Ha! I'm immune to be drunk after so many beers and- Get down!
(The Resistance ducks and Hedmaster50 throws a bottle at a zombie outside of the Inn)
Zombie #1: Ow! My head!
(Zombie #1 dies)
Thorblade4: Ok. You're in, Hedmaster50.
Hedmaster50: Yay! "While Guthix Sleeps, the World Wakes to the Fate of the Gods and the Children of Mah in Sliske's Endgame..."

16-May-2009 00:17:26

Blaze Deku
Nov Member 2006

Blaze Deku

Posts: 3,691 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Stab Restab: Are you sure we should take a drunk?!
Hedmaster50: Hey! I'm not drunk! I just like beer!
Stab Restab: Whatever...
Gate to Mort Myre Swamp...
Thorblade4: Ok, the zombies went through Mort Myre so we'll have to travel across it.
Puss: But's it so muddy, I'll never get cleaned!
Rocky: Fine! Stay here with the mean, level 88, werewolves.
Puss: On second thought, what's a little mud.
(Bono steps in some mud)
Bono: Ew!
(Bonos steps in to more mud)
Bono: Ew!
(Bono steps into even more mud)
Bono: Ew!
Ellemar: Bono, stop that! You'll ruin your nice clean shoes!
Bono: Sorry dad...
(A Ghast appears)
Brettyoke49: A Ghast!
Thorblade4: Stop being random Bretty!
Brettyoke49: No, a Ghast!
Thorblade4: You're aghast with fear?
Brettyoke49: A Ghast!
Fan434: Stop saying aghast!
Brettyoke49: No, I meant "a ghast" noun singular, a phantom appartion that rots players food.
Fan434: Then why didn't you say so?!
Brettyoke49: ...
Ghast: Uh hello? Ghast here.
Thorblade4: Oh right.
(The Resistance runs away screaming)
Mort'ton...
Thorblade4: We (pant) made it.
Itatchi2929: Hey, are those zombies at the Barrows
Chaserm1: You're right! Let's check it out.
(The Resistance walks to Barrows)
Barrows...
Thorblade4: Man, there are lots of zombies here. Why is Kitedj here?
Fan434: Problably equiping his Zombies with Barrows armor to make them stronger.
(Bono is skipping)
Bono: La la la la-!
(Bono falls down the Torag Crypt and climbs out of the Tomb wearing Full Torag armor)
Bono: There's no way I have a high enough level for this.
(Kitedj appears)
Kitedj: Ah. I am pleased that you came.
Thorblade4: Kitedj, what are you up to?!
Kitedj: I'm about to ally myself with the greatest warriors of all time! Behold the Barrows Brothers!!!
(The Barrows Brothers' spirits appear)
Kitedj: Now you will join me.
(Kitedj teleports the Resistance to an Arena)
Next Chapter: Chapter 55: Bono vs. The Barrows Brothers "While Guthix Sleeps, the World Wakes to the Fate of the Gods and the Children of Mah in Sliske's Endgame..."

16-May-2009 00:17:47

Blaze Deku
Nov Member 2006

Blaze Deku

Posts: 3,691 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter 55: Bono vs. the Barrows Brothers
Kitedj's Arena...
Kitedj: Ah ha! Now I have captured The Resistance! Now, you shall face your doom by fighting the greatest warriors of all!
Bono: Barney?
Kitedj: No!
Bono: The Cookie Monster?
Kitedj: No!!!
Bono: The-
(Kitedj throws a rock at Bono's head)
Bono: Ow! That hurt!
Kitedj: It's supposed to hurt dummy!
Bono: Meanie...
Kitedj: As I was saying, behold, the greatest warriors of all! The Barrows Brothers!
Thorblade4: They aren't great! They are defeated every day!
Kitedj: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that and release the prisoner.
(A Prisoner appears and falls on Thorblade4)
Thorblade4: Ow!
???: Sorry! I didn't mean to fall on you.
Thorblade4: That's ok.
Rocky: Who are you?
???: I'm Arani Arrows. Call me Arani for short.
Kitedj: Now prepare to meet your doom!
(Eggypants 2 turns into Kitedj)
Eggypants 2: (mocking tone) Prepare to meet your doom!
Kitedj: Are you mocking me?!=@
Eggypants 2: Yes.
(Kitedj throws a rock and Eggypants 2, but Eggypants 2 turns into a trampoline and the rock bounces right back at Kitedj)
Kitedj: Ow! You'll pay for this!
Eggypants 2: Send me the bill!
Kitedj: Barrows Brothers, arise!
(The Barrows Brothers appear)
Kitedj: Now prepare to meet your doom!
Thorblade4: Stop being redundant!
Kitedj: Fine!
(Kitedj disappears)
Barrows Brothers: Roar!
Puss: Uh, Thorblade4? Any ideas?
Bono: I have an idea!
Fan434: Oh no! He has an idea! Take cover!
Bono: No! Listen! Here's what we do?
(The Resistance huddles together)
Chaserm1: That ideas's so crazy...
Itatchi2929: ...It just might work.
(Bono places a house with lots of loose nails on it and a tree)
Dharok: Must...cut...tree!!!
(Dharok starts cutting the tree)
Torag: Must...hammer...nails!!!
(Torag starts hammering the nails)
Ahrim: How embaressing... Now face my magic!!! "While Guthix Sleeps, the World Wakes to the Fate of the Gods and the Children of Mah in Sliske's Endgame..."

16-May-2009 00:18:05 - Last edited on 16-May-2009 00:18:53 by Blaze Deku

Blaze Deku
Nov Member 2006

Blaze Deku

Posts: 3,691 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
(Ahrim trys to cast a spell, but he doesn't have any runes)
Ahrim: Come on!!!=@
Karil: I'm out of bolt racks!
Thorblade4: That just leaves Guthan and Verac...
(Brettyoke49 goes up to Guthan)
Brettyoke49: Toast!
Guthan: Stop being random and fight!
Brettyoke49: Magma!
Guthan: Stop it!
Brettyoke49: Spontaneous combusting parrots!
Guthan: Arrrrgh!
(Guthan curls up into a ball and cries)
Blue: Now Verac, the toughest one...
Verac: Ha! Now you shall die noobs! Fear my-!
(Verac hits himself with his flail)
Verac: Flail...
(Verac is knocked out)
Bono: Ha! Those guys had noobish armor! I bet it wouldn't sell for even 1gp on the Grand Exchange!
Everyone: O_o
Bono: What?!
Kitedj: You can leave now...
(The Resistance is teleported back to Thorblade4's House)
Kitedj: Stupid Barrows Brothers! You got beat my a noob!
(The Barrows Brothers gang up on Kitedj)
Kitedj: Ummmm...Sorry?
(The Barrows Brothers beat Kitedj up)
Duel Arena Hospital...
(Kitedj is covered with bandages)
Doctor: You have to stay in bed and heal until the next chapter of Bono.
Kitedj: Aw man!
Next Chapter: Chapter 56: Fist of Steel "While Guthix Sleeps, the World Wakes to the Fate of the Gods and the Children of Mah in Sliske's Endgame..."

16-May-2009 00:19:13

Blaze Deku
Nov Member 2006

Blaze Deku

Posts: 3,691 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter 56: Fist of Steel
Varrock Palace...
Kitedj: How could they have defeated the Barrows Brothers?! It's impossible!
Doomskull999: Cheer up, at least you have us.
Kitedj: That's why I'm mad!
(Kitedj thinks)
Kitedj: Now if only I had minions that had strong defences, easy to make lots and-
(Kited* does lightbulb emote)
Kitedj: That's it!
Doomskull999: What's it?
Kitedj: Doomskull999, bring me the armor animators from the Warrior's Guild.
Doomskull999: Ok.
(Doomskull999 gets the Armor Animator)
Kitedj: Now get me lots of steel full helms, steel plates, and steel legs.
Doomskull999: Ok.
(Doomskull999 gets the steel armor)
Kitedj: Good. Now you and your zombies are fired.
Doomskull999: What?!
Kitedj: Now get going.
Doomskull999: Fine...
(The Zombies leave grumbling)
Kitedj: Now I shall build up my army!
(Kitedj starts putting the armor together)
Thorblade4's House...
Thorblade4: We need to invade Varrock and defeat Kitedj soon.
Bono: Why?
Thorblade4: Because we're getting closer to Chapter 60.
Everyone: ...
Thorblade4: What?!
Stab Restab: I'll go spy on Varrock.
Sheer125: I'm coming with you.
Varrock...
Sheer125: Do you see anything?
Stab Restab: No- Hey! The Zombies are leaving Varrock!
Sheer125: This will be the perfect time to invade!
(Both teleport back to Thorblade4's House)
Thorblade4's House...
Stab Restab: Thorblade4! The zombies are leaving Varrock!
Thorblade4: Good. This is the perfect time to invade Varrock.
(The Resistance teleports to Varrock)
Varrock...
Thorblade4: Ok! Let's invade Var-
(Everyone notices that Animated Steel Warriors have surronded them)
Thorblade4: -rock.
Bono: We surrender!
(Fan434 hits Bono on the head)
Kitedj: Well, it's a pleasure to see you again.
Mustkill126: How are you feeling?
Kitedj: Better. And even more better now that I have you surronded.
Thorblade4: Ha! You Steel Warriors aren't even lvl 50. We'll take care of them! "While Guthix Sleeps, the World Wakes to the Fate of the Gods and the Children of Mah in Sliske's Endgame..."

16-May-2009 00:20:16

Blaze Deku
Nov Member 2006

Blaze Deku

Posts: 3,691 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Kitedj: Well then, Steel Warriors, attack!!!
(Steel Warriors attack)
Thorblade4: Take this and that!
Two Hours Later...
Thorblade4: Yes! We got them all!
(The Steel Warriors reform)
Thorblade4: What the-?
Kitedj: I made my steel warriors able to reform when they die so they keep coming! And here's another trick.
(All the steel warriors melt and form a Steel Dragon. Kitedj gets on the Steel Dragon.)
Kitedj: Attack!!!
(The Steel Dragon breathes fire)
Thorblade4: Retreat!
Blue: I'll take care of it!
Thorblade4: Blue no!
Blue: You guys have to escape! I'll distract it!
Thorblade4: I won't leave you!
Blue: You have to! I'll be ok!
Thorblade4: Ok Blue!
(Thorblade4 runs with The Resistance)
Blue: Now let me show you real power!
(The Steel Dragon breathes fire at Blue)
Thorblade4: Blue No!!!
(Blue falls to the ground)
Thorblade4: No...
(Thorblade4 teleports away)
Next Chapter: Chapter 57: The Spy "While Guthix Sleeps, the World Wakes to the Fate of the Gods and the Children of Mah in Sliske's Endgame..."

16-May-2009 00:20:30

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