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Sandstone
Quick find code: 49-50-725-57741491
~~~~~~~~~~ Review of NovelistElly's application by Caydock ~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~ Error Corrections ~~~~~
Errors Flames reflected off the surface of Zamorak’s grey eyes as they wearily surveyed the land.
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Gray if you were going for the American spelling.
-~-
As the land turned black and the smoke spread through the sky Zamorak reclined in mid-air, twirling a ball of flame between his fingers, eyes closed, waiting for something interesting to happen.
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Put a comma between 'sky' and 'Zamorak.'
-~- So, Zamorak sat there, waiting for something interesting to happen, and happen it did.
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No need for the first comma.
-~- Careful not to touch the stone he picked it up in the cloth, tying a piece of golden cord around it.
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You need a comma after 'stone' and before 'he.'
-~-
~~~~~ Summary ~~~~~
It was a good piece, although it had some errors. I've seen better from you, Elly! Work hard and remember that you can never proofread enough.
~~~~~ Score ~~~~~
You scored a 35 out of 50. Good job! You require a total of 40 to become a Novelist.
Skill meter:
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~~~~~ Final Results ~~~~~
Congratulations, you have been accepted into The Novelists' Guild as a writer! You have room to improve but there is no doubt that you can write, no matter how crude or excellent the form is. I hope you stick around to improve. Thanks for applying!
~~~~~ Error Corrections ~~~~~
Errors Flames reflected off the surface of Zamorak’s grey eyes as they wearily surveyed the land.
-
Gray if you were going for the American spelling.
-~-
As the land turned black and the smoke spread through the sky Zamorak reclined in mid-air, twirling a ball of flame between his fingers, eyes closed, waiting for something interesting to happen.
-
Put a comma between 'sky' and 'Zamorak.'
-~- So, Zamorak sat there, waiting for something interesting to happen, and happen it did.
-
No need for the first comma.
-~- Careful not to touch the stone he picked it up in the cloth, tying a piece of golden cord around it.
-
You need a comma after 'stone' and before 'he.'
-~-
~~~~~ Summary ~~~~~
It was a good piece, although it had some errors. I've seen better from you, Elly! Work hard and remember that you can never proofread enough.
~~~~~ Score ~~~~~
You scored a 35 out of 50. Good job! You require a total of 40 to become a Novelist.
Skill meter:
_________________________________________________________________
()|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||.........................................................()
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
~~~~~ Final Results ~~~~~
Congratulations, you have been accepted into The Novelists' Guild as a writer! You have room to improve but there is no doubt that you can write, no matter how crude or excellent the form is. I hope you stick around to improve. Thanks for applying!
15-Oct-2009 01:51:16 - Last edited on 15-Oct-2009 05:17:48 by Caydock
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