Forums

Sandstone

Quick find code: 49-50-725-57741491

NovelistElly

NovelistElly

Posts: 2,603 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thanks for all the feedback guys, I will edit all that stuff, except things that I really want to keep. As a quick note, I wanted the prologue and the 1st chapter not* to have that line where Jaraah is speaking, I gave the story from two different points of view, putting the line in different contexts.
Elly

25-Oct-2008 19:01:20

Smok Taunter

Smok Taunter

Posts: 58,110 Emerald Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Pretty good so far. Although I don't like the last paragraph when it starts. You know, when he wakes up screaming "Ahh!" When I read it I could but making it sound monotoned in my head, like he was relizing some minor secret or something.
And then there was the first chapter. Though, it's all right considering who it's about. The actions seem rehersed for the doctor. But no wonder, he's done it a dozen times before.

25-Oct-2008 21:06:44

NovelistElly

NovelistElly

Posts: 2,603 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Both Adam and Rachel were dumbstruck, they turned to look at him more closely and it was true. He was unusually pale and wore no items of religious affiliation. The tattoos of runes on his neck appeared to be wards against silver and garlic. His teeth were subtly pointed and all the skin below his neck was covered by black clothing.
Rachel had a less impressive past, “I guess I’m just a city girl, born and raised in Falador, I was tending the garden when I was attacked by a really big mole, and I mean big, like the size of a full grown dog. I panicked and cast a spell on it by accident; I fainted from the strain just as I saw it running away. A few days later I left to start a life of adventure.” She paused and breathed deeply, trying to steady her nerves as her stitches troubled her, “I came here to try and make some money on bets, and I walked by a cactus and cut my arm.”
John spoke before Adam could, “I came to try and build up my resistance to sunlight; it is quite hard to be a bounty hunter when you cannot fight in both daylight and in darkness. I was just standing outside trying to adjust and I collapsed. Woke up in here, guess I pushed myself too hard.”
Adam was about to speak but was interrupted again, “We know why you’re in here Adam,” said John, “the arrow in your chest was as plain as, well, an arrow in your chest. So, how did it get there?”

01-Nov-2008 00:47:21 - Last edited on 08-Nov-2008 00:47:47 by NovelistElly

Quick find code: 49-50-725-57741491 Back to Top